Happily Ever After................
CATHLEEN:
Today we are talking about having a perfect marriage. As humans we really are obsessed with the idea of the perfect relationship. After all a good portion of the movies produced are centered around this topic, many of our literary classics revolve around complex relationships, the music industry certainly gives love it’s due. Listen to any group of teenagers or singles talk (regardless of age) and the topic inevitably turns to who likes who or who thinks who is cute or whatever.
I remember when Joe and I first met.......
Cathleen’s recollections
Joe’s recollections
CATHLEEN: We started dating and we married exactly two years later on Feb. 16,1991. Dating is a trip isn’t is? It is exciting and scary and wonderful and frightening all at the same time. It is a time of learning about the person you are dating and discovering things about yourself along the way. It is definitely a journey. The process if dating, if all goes well, leads you to the point of marriage. But it’s not just about the destination, it’s just as much about the journey. One of the greatest complaints of married couples is that their spouse just isn’t ‘the same’ as they were when they were dating. Maybe they don’t dress the same, have as much fun, pay as much attention to each other - whatever the complaint - the issue remains the same. We recognize in dating that the journey of dating is fundamental to the joy dating. To often we get married and feel like we’ve arrived at our destination and we forsake the joy of the journey. The Bible teachers us that at the point of marriage we were no longer JUST Joe and Cathleen, we were, at the moment we make our commitment to one another, two who become one.
“'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'” Matthew 19:5
CATHLEEN: This is where the true journey begins! In pursuing the perfect marriage we have to be ever mindful to not make the very common mistake of seeing a wonderful marriage as a destination but as a journey. Think about it.....
JOE:The bible clearly tells us that we are 1 - the world view however is a 50/50 performance plan, isn’t it? Unfortunately because we live in the world and we see and hear it’s views constantly we begin to get infected with it’s perspective of marriage. That viewpoint says that the marriage relationship is based upon performance - “You do your part, and I’ll do mine.” That perspective and way of thinking is opposite of the Biblical perspective of oneness. Thankfully the Bible even has the answer to this dilemma, it tells us to .... “for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.” Jn. 17;14,15
Why do you suppose it is so easy to conform to the world view of marriage - that 50/50 thing we are talking about? b/c we all have this natural tendency to be self-centered. If we are focused on oneness our view point says what do we need to do? what are our goals? what decision is best for us? where should we spend our money? On the contrary if we are focused on the 50/50 paradigm our viewpoint says I’ve done my share, I’ve worked all week long I should be able too...., what I really want to do is...
“We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way.” Isaiah 53:6
But we live in a culture that promotes and encourages selfishness - “get yours buddy” “you gotta look out for #1”
“I gotta take care of me 1st”
So listen we marry w/ “stars in our eyes” & we cannot see this reality of the 2 r 1 - let me tell you love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
How can we enjoy the journey?
1. Christ must be central
We are all mirrors. We reflect God’s glory back to Him and out to others. in Genesis 1:26-27 we see,
"Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”
God made mankind to mirror His image on planet earth. He also made 2 distinctively different humans (male and female) so that together they would reflect the image of God.
Their oneness reflects the character and unity of God.
Their oneness results in carrying out the work of God.
Couples who mirror God’s image experience oneness w/ their Creator.
CATHLEEN:How do we mirror God’s image?
We reflect God’s image when we surrender complete control of our lives to Him. Once we do that we begin to cultivate our relationship with Him thru listening to God by reading His Word and talking to Him in prayer. By developing relationships with other Christ-followers in church or other settings.
Christ must be central in our marriages for us to enjoy the journey
Triangle illustration.
JOE:
2. A Covenant Relationship
God is a covenant God, and He created marriage as a covenant. So before we can understand what marriage is, we need to learn what covenant is. Without the binding commitment of a covenant, a marriage is only a promise on paper, and we can never enjoy the journey if we are not fully committed to the journey.
CONTRACT OR COVENANT?
Once upon a time, in much of the world, including the land that is now the United States, the covenant was the standard form of agreement between two parties. It seems that as society became more civilized, we forgot how to act toward our fellow man, and our spouses too. Look at the modern marriage contract, complete with pre-nuptial agreement. After all, we can try it out, and if it doesn’t work, there’s no risk to anyone.
What ever happened to that “till death do us part” stuff from the wedding vows? If marriage is to last long enough to truly become “one flesh” then there needs to be something more binding than a piece of paper to hold it together.
When God appeared to Abram, He said,
“I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your descendants after you.” Genesis 17:7
Everlasting covenant. What would make a covenant, or any agreement involving man everlasting?
In a covenant, the root concept is commitment. Commitment unto death. If you and I are in covenant, and you have a need, and I am able to fulfill it, there wouldn’t even be any thought about “Should I?” I would desire to meet the need even at the expense of not meeting my own needs.
The marriage covenant is sealed w/ an oath/vows - to one another and to God.
“When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.”
Ecclesiastes 5:4-5
CATHLEEN: paradigm of raising children
A real commitment to covenant relationship is absolutely necessary to enjoy the journey instead of looking to a destination.
JOE:
3. Put spouse 1st - this is living a life of humility. That’s what it means to be humble - to lift others up above yourself.
This goes against the natural tendency to be self-centered.
For us to enjoy the journey we must put our spouse ahead of ourselves. How do we put them 1st and live a life of humility?
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25
JOE: Men, it is so easy to step into the man role of being
decisive, of getting the job done - git er done, of being the fixer - but we can’t see our wives as our project. She is not to be dealt with in tone of finality, in a manner that is critical, as another job to be ‘taken care of’. She is to be treasured. ‘As Christ loved the church’ is not a light statement - He died for the church, he never gave up on the church (the church being people),
He passionately loved the church. Men that’s our part - that’s TRUE manhood.
CATHLEEN: “women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, ” Titus 2:4
How do we love each other according to these Biblical callings?
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
JOE: Love is seeking God’s best for your mate.
Love is action, not emotion.
Love is sacrificial action, not just good intentions.
Love is given in obedience to Christ, not in response to mate’s performance.
Love is expressed verbally and in actions. (5 love lang.)
Love’s goal is the building up of your spouse.
"Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Luke 10:27
How do you love yourself? You take care of yourself - you treat you with great care so you wont get hurt - you do everything you can to make life good for you.
self-heart - other head- switch
We are to love our spouse as we love ourselves - that good!
CLOSE CATHLEEN:
Ephesians 5:21-33
“Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh."
This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”
How did Christ love the church? He wasn’t critical, he was
merciful, he was patient, he encouraged, he was faithful.
Committed to the Journey.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
God @ Work - Growing Spiritually @ Work
We discussed you will spend approximately forty percent of your life at work. How depressing is that! About 150,000 hours you’re going to spend on the job. God wants to use those hours to your benefit. He wants to leverage your work in order to produce spiritual growth in your life and mine.
The idea of carrying your faith into the workplace and allowing God to work in you and through you on the job is one of those things you can sort of put up a wall and say, Wait a second! I really have a lot more work to do in my spirituality outside the job before I take it on the job. I’m not ready to go public with this thing. As soon as I go public with it I’m going to blow it on the job and say or do something and people are going to go, “What a ‘Christian’?” Or they’re going to hit that hot button of Hypocrite. I know me and I’ll fail at this. There’s a little bit of a push back on that. The good news is God uses imperfect people to accomplish His perfect will. You’re imperfect – God can use you.
The question is do I allow God access, kind of the back stage access of my heart on the job? That’s a scary proposition giving that kind of green light. The last thing we want is to kind of set ourselves up to have our coworkers judging us on our spirituality. Or worse yet. Be viewed as some sort of completely out of touch Christian nerd.
I hate to admit it but many of your co-workers take just about as seriously the idea of going to church or being a Christian. The media hasn’t really helped us a whole lot in this. We’re either viewed as Ned Flanders wimps or Steve Martin’s char. in “Leap of Faith. There’s really nothing in between when it comes to Christianity. So to go public means to be pigeonholed. To be put in some sort of category by people that you really do respect that you want to think well of you, that can be a difficult thing.
There’s also another group. This other group says going public with my faith, letting God use me on the job, having Him work in me and through me in that environment. Some of you go, I would but I’m shy. So you think you have the “I'm Shy” hall pass. “But God, I’m shy! I don’t have to do anything because I’m shy.” Whatever! No hall pass.
Romans 8:29 “From the very beginning God decided those who came to Him should become like His Son.” God’s goal for my life and yours is that we would be transformed into the image of Jesus Christ. So what’s my job have to do with that? How is God going to use my job? Why is my job so important?
Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord and not for people.” So whether you’re a secretary or a salesman, a stay at home mom or a CEO you and your work matter to God. And He wants to use that time and leverage it for spiritual growth in your life. It’s all of your life that He’s interested in. Forty percent on the job? Certainly He’s not going to let that not be used. It’s a huge chunk of life. God wants to work in us and through us to grow us spiritually.
Three ways He can get that done.
1. God uses pressure to change my trajectory.
He uses pressure to change my direction, my focus. Then once He does that He begins to reset our priorities as well. Stress and pressure can really be an indicator that my priorities are out of order. If I’m feeling stressed it means that I’ve probably taken on some responsibilities I shouldn’t have taken on. When I’m feeling under pressure it means that I’ve stepped forward and accepted responsibilities that are none of my business.
Don’t take them on in the first place. Ephesians 5 “Live life with a due sense of responsibility.” But some of you have this sense of responsibility on steroids. You want to be responsible for everything. If something’s not getting done it’s falling on you and you’re worried about it. I come from a long line of worriers. Any of you professional worriers? Or your parents? You grew up with one? You react one of two ways. You take on the worry and you’re worried about things right now. You’re sitting here listening to me but you’re worried about some stuff. And by sitting here worrying about it right now is accomplishing a great deal… of nothing. The patterns, we get so used to living this way we carry things.
On the other side of that we also don’t take responsibility for the stuff that should have been ours in the first place. We are a nation that says it’s not my fault. We want to blame everybody else. It was the government or my parents or my spouse’s problem, the kids. These are all the reasons I react the way I do. It’s somebody else’s responsibility. Somebody else’s fault.
As a Christ follower you work for God and you and your work are absolutely vital. This week He wants to use some of the pressure that you face in order to adjust some priorities. Maybe give you a more balanced view of your responsibility instead of trying to carry the responsibility of the world. How do you get started on that? How do you get started on this whole idea of making a difference, being available, changing this trajectory of life so I can a have an impact on my job? Not only in me but around me as well.
1 John 1 “This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you. God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness we lie and do not live by the truth. If we claim to be without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” Walking in light. We’re saying, “Ok God, 24/7! This is who I am. I really am not that great in being a Christian. I want to get better at it. But I have a lot of room to grow.” That’s a freeing thing to say. If any of you have thought I’m just not that spiritual. I fail and I’m just not that great a Christian.” Here’s what I want you to know: You’re right. You pretty much suck at this, ok? What you have to understand is that’s a great place to come to. It’s freeing. Then you can say, “Ok God, You’ve wired me in this way. I don’t feel all that spiritual. I do want to know You.” You know what the “want to” is? It’s called faith. You’re looking for faith to be some other thing. The want to is faith. Now you just act on it. It doesn’t mean you have to feel anything. You act. You have all the spirituality you need. Don’t sell yourself short. God’s working in you. Be willing to say this is who I am. That is walking in the light.
That’s dangerous, by the way. When you’re walking in the light and say, Ok God, what are we doing? It’s an amazing thing that begins to happen. God uses pressure to change my direction
2. God uses people to change my heart
God uses people in order to work an amazing work of change in my heart. The very thing that you don’t want to have happen is the very thing God wants to do. He wants our lives to be integrated. He wants us to be the same person wherever we find ourselves. The very thing that God wants to use to get that done is relationship. He wants to use the relationships in your life – the good ones and the difficult ones - in order to work this amazing change of heart.
Is there anybody you don’t like on your job? In every work place there are some very peculiar people. Think about it. Think about your job. Any peculiar people? If you can’t think of them it’s probably you. God wants to use these people in order to increase your capacity for love. He wants to use sometimes some very difficult people and there’s quite a process for that to happen.
Romans 12 “If it’s possible as far as it depends on you live at peace with everyone.” Aren’t you glad it says “if it’s possible”? Thank God! Frankly there are some people it’s just impossible to get along with. They will not let it happen. They will not ever stop griping and as soon as they give an apology about something they pull away and say why they did what they did. They’re not going to change. They’re whiners. The Bible says, “as far as it depends on you.” If it’s possible. God is developing greater capacity of love in me.
I don’t know where I heard this quote. Probably I thought of it myself and I didn’t realize it. But “it’s not about you.” Part of spiritual growth is a healthy awareness of others. Part of growing spiritually is understanding that it’s not about you. And it’s having an awareness of the people around you, an ability to see below that disagreeable surface for the reason for the behavior that is so annoying to you at that moment or so hurtful. I grow when I’m open for that kingdom business. That’s part of that walking in the light.
What you’re saying is, I’m walking in this light with God. Somebody does something and my first response is I want to react because of what the impact of what they just did is on me because it’s all about me. Instead of taking a step further back and saying, “Ok God, what’s going on here?” Walk in the light. The light is an amazing perspective giver. We get to see below the surface. God wants to empower us and let us in on what He’s up to. He wants to use these people in our lives. Are you open for that kind of kingdom business? You’re going to have to put off your reactions to people’s lame behavior. How do you do that?
Romans 12 says “Live in harmony with each other. Don’t try to act important but enjoy the company of ordinary people. Don’t think you know it all. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that people can see that you’re honorable.”
There’s a story about a guy showing up the first day at the Bible College. He’d been a Christian for three months when he decided he was going to go to Bible College and he was going to preach the word. He went to Bible college and gets there and he’s pretty excited about it. He shows up for his first class. The professor says, “Turn to Jeremiah,” and he turns round looking for Jeremiah. Who is he? Then finally someone in the class goes, “Hey stupid! It’s in the Bible!” So he’s stumbling through. Someone else goes, “Idiot! You only have the New Testament. Jeremiah’s in the Old Testament!” So he gets done with that first class and is thinking, “I ought to get in my car and get out of here. I shouldn’t be here.”
He went ahead to his next class. He got there and he’s obviously feeling a little more comfortable as he gets involved in some of the conversation. He can see by some of the reactions that he’s probably going to say the right stuff. At the end of the class the professor asked everybody to write a couple of paragraphs about themselves. He did. When he got back to this class he got his paper back. There was a note on the bottom that said, “Thank you for being in my class, Wayne. Your insight and contribution was so refreshing in our discussion times. Your obvious zeal for Christ inspires us all. I look with great anticipation for how God will use you for His purpose.” Then he put on the bottom “The kingdom of God awaits you.” He said he must have read it a hundred times that night.
We tend to maximize the negative voices in our lives. And we tend to minimize the positive. We hear the negative voices screaming. We need to learn how to deal with that. Sometimes we think that’s the way it is and that’s the way you have to live. You don’t. We can learn to deal with this.
As a matter of fact I’m going to give you something I learned... Grab your ear lobe. You’re listening to something and somebody says, “That was an idiot thing to do. I.e., Jeremiah’s a book in the Bible, you idiot.” You know what you do at that point? Just flush that one.
The other thing you get to do is you get to have a lid on your heart. Sometimes people say things and you just let it right into your heart. You let it straight into your emotions. You need to learn how to close that lid. You need to learn how to open and close the lid of your heart and not let everything in so deeply that shouldn’t be there.
God uses people to change my heart - to grow the capacity of love in us, b/c it’s not about you
3. God uses pain to change my character.
The fact is we all have our unique set of problems in our different jobs. There’s a resulting pain from those problems, those trials, those difficulties. God wants to use those to help build our character. That does not mean He authored the problems, trials and pain. It simply means He’s willing to use those. He will leverage those things.
Romans 5 says “We can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials. They help us learn to endure and endurance develops strength of character and helps us to trust God more each time.” God is far more interested in your character than in your comfort. God is far more interested in perfecting you than pampering you. I don’t really like either of those statements. I’m very committed to my comfort and my pampering. But every time I pursue that and it runs counter to God’s purposes in my life I find that my best efforts do not satisfy. When I let Him do this transforming work in my heart it’s amazing but I actually end up where I wanted to be all along. Fulfilled. I was just pursuing it in a way that could never get it done. The goal is that we be transformed and become more like Jesus.
God can even use the temptations that you face to do that. All of us face various temptations but there’s a whole new set of them that are unique to work. You have a whole different group of temptations that show up there. 1 Corinthians 10 says
“Remember the temptations that come into your life are no different than what others experience. God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted He will show you a way out so you won’t give into it.” The temptations are common. We all face the same kinds of temptation. The solutions are also common as well. You go to God. You ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit, give you the power to make the right choice. Temptations are resistible. And clearly what we just said God will give you a way out.
It teaches us that although there is a way that God will make that even when I blow it the last chapter is not written. As long as I do something – walk in the light.
There’s a great definition for maturity... It’s this. Christian maturity is this: I'm a quicker repent-er than I used to be. That’s Christian maturity. Because if maturity means you won’t sin, then we have to become awesome actors. Because you’re a sinner and I'm a sinner. Fortunately God is in the business of forgiveness. He can even use my failures to build my character.
Phil. 1:6
“I am sure that God who began the good work within you will continue His work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.” The most important thing that you’re going to bring from your job this week is not your paycheck. It’s your character. God has begun a work in you. He’s committed to completing that work. He wants to continue that. He wants that backstage pass. Would you give Him the full access pass? The e-ticket to your heart. It will conclude that forty percent on your job this week. I challenge you to say, “Ok God, lights on, windows open. I'm walking in the light. I want to be a quicker repent-er than I used to be. I want to give You access to change me. In every way You want.”
If you’ll do that, I have some exciting news for you. The kingdom of God is at hand for you. The kingdom of God is at hand! It starts Monday morning. What will you do with it?
The idea of carrying your faith into the workplace and allowing God to work in you and through you on the job is one of those things you can sort of put up a wall and say, Wait a second! I really have a lot more work to do in my spirituality outside the job before I take it on the job. I’m not ready to go public with this thing. As soon as I go public with it I’m going to blow it on the job and say or do something and people are going to go, “What a ‘Christian’?” Or they’re going to hit that hot button of Hypocrite. I know me and I’ll fail at this. There’s a little bit of a push back on that. The good news is God uses imperfect people to accomplish His perfect will. You’re imperfect – God can use you.
The question is do I allow God access, kind of the back stage access of my heart on the job? That’s a scary proposition giving that kind of green light. The last thing we want is to kind of set ourselves up to have our coworkers judging us on our spirituality. Or worse yet. Be viewed as some sort of completely out of touch Christian nerd.
I hate to admit it but many of your co-workers take just about as seriously the idea of going to church or being a Christian. The media hasn’t really helped us a whole lot in this. We’re either viewed as Ned Flanders wimps or Steve Martin’s char. in “Leap of Faith. There’s really nothing in between when it comes to Christianity. So to go public means to be pigeonholed. To be put in some sort of category by people that you really do respect that you want to think well of you, that can be a difficult thing.
There’s also another group. This other group says going public with my faith, letting God use me on the job, having Him work in me and through me in that environment. Some of you go, I would but I’m shy. So you think you have the “I'm Shy” hall pass. “But God, I’m shy! I don’t have to do anything because I’m shy.” Whatever! No hall pass.
Romans 8:29 “From the very beginning God decided those who came to Him should become like His Son.” God’s goal for my life and yours is that we would be transformed into the image of Jesus Christ. So what’s my job have to do with that? How is God going to use my job? Why is my job so important?
Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord and not for people.” So whether you’re a secretary or a salesman, a stay at home mom or a CEO you and your work matter to God. And He wants to use that time and leverage it for spiritual growth in your life. It’s all of your life that He’s interested in. Forty percent on the job? Certainly He’s not going to let that not be used. It’s a huge chunk of life. God wants to work in us and through us to grow us spiritually.
Three ways He can get that done.
1. God uses pressure to change my trajectory.
He uses pressure to change my direction, my focus. Then once He does that He begins to reset our priorities as well. Stress and pressure can really be an indicator that my priorities are out of order. If I’m feeling stressed it means that I’ve probably taken on some responsibilities I shouldn’t have taken on. When I’m feeling under pressure it means that I’ve stepped forward and accepted responsibilities that are none of my business.
Don’t take them on in the first place. Ephesians 5 “Live life with a due sense of responsibility.” But some of you have this sense of responsibility on steroids. You want to be responsible for everything. If something’s not getting done it’s falling on you and you’re worried about it. I come from a long line of worriers. Any of you professional worriers? Or your parents? You grew up with one? You react one of two ways. You take on the worry and you’re worried about things right now. You’re sitting here listening to me but you’re worried about some stuff. And by sitting here worrying about it right now is accomplishing a great deal… of nothing. The patterns, we get so used to living this way we carry things.
On the other side of that we also don’t take responsibility for the stuff that should have been ours in the first place. We are a nation that says it’s not my fault. We want to blame everybody else. It was the government or my parents or my spouse’s problem, the kids. These are all the reasons I react the way I do. It’s somebody else’s responsibility. Somebody else’s fault.
As a Christ follower you work for God and you and your work are absolutely vital. This week He wants to use some of the pressure that you face in order to adjust some priorities. Maybe give you a more balanced view of your responsibility instead of trying to carry the responsibility of the world. How do you get started on that? How do you get started on this whole idea of making a difference, being available, changing this trajectory of life so I can a have an impact on my job? Not only in me but around me as well.
1 John 1 “This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you. God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness we lie and do not live by the truth. If we claim to be without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” Walking in light. We’re saying, “Ok God, 24/7! This is who I am. I really am not that great in being a Christian. I want to get better at it. But I have a lot of room to grow.” That’s a freeing thing to say. If any of you have thought I’m just not that spiritual. I fail and I’m just not that great a Christian.” Here’s what I want you to know: You’re right. You pretty much suck at this, ok? What you have to understand is that’s a great place to come to. It’s freeing. Then you can say, “Ok God, You’ve wired me in this way. I don’t feel all that spiritual. I do want to know You.” You know what the “want to” is? It’s called faith. You’re looking for faith to be some other thing. The want to is faith. Now you just act on it. It doesn’t mean you have to feel anything. You act. You have all the spirituality you need. Don’t sell yourself short. God’s working in you. Be willing to say this is who I am. That is walking in the light.
That’s dangerous, by the way. When you’re walking in the light and say, Ok God, what are we doing? It’s an amazing thing that begins to happen. God uses pressure to change my direction
2. God uses people to change my heart
God uses people in order to work an amazing work of change in my heart. The very thing that you don’t want to have happen is the very thing God wants to do. He wants our lives to be integrated. He wants us to be the same person wherever we find ourselves. The very thing that God wants to use to get that done is relationship. He wants to use the relationships in your life – the good ones and the difficult ones - in order to work this amazing change of heart.
Is there anybody you don’t like on your job? In every work place there are some very peculiar people. Think about it. Think about your job. Any peculiar people? If you can’t think of them it’s probably you. God wants to use these people in order to increase your capacity for love. He wants to use sometimes some very difficult people and there’s quite a process for that to happen.
Romans 12 “If it’s possible as far as it depends on you live at peace with everyone.” Aren’t you glad it says “if it’s possible”? Thank God! Frankly there are some people it’s just impossible to get along with. They will not let it happen. They will not ever stop griping and as soon as they give an apology about something they pull away and say why they did what they did. They’re not going to change. They’re whiners. The Bible says, “as far as it depends on you.” If it’s possible. God is developing greater capacity of love in me.
I don’t know where I heard this quote. Probably I thought of it myself and I didn’t realize it. But “it’s not about you.” Part of spiritual growth is a healthy awareness of others. Part of growing spiritually is understanding that it’s not about you. And it’s having an awareness of the people around you, an ability to see below that disagreeable surface for the reason for the behavior that is so annoying to you at that moment or so hurtful. I grow when I’m open for that kingdom business. That’s part of that walking in the light.
What you’re saying is, I’m walking in this light with God. Somebody does something and my first response is I want to react because of what the impact of what they just did is on me because it’s all about me. Instead of taking a step further back and saying, “Ok God, what’s going on here?” Walk in the light. The light is an amazing perspective giver. We get to see below the surface. God wants to empower us and let us in on what He’s up to. He wants to use these people in our lives. Are you open for that kind of kingdom business? You’re going to have to put off your reactions to people’s lame behavior. How do you do that?
Romans 12 says “Live in harmony with each other. Don’t try to act important but enjoy the company of ordinary people. Don’t think you know it all. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that people can see that you’re honorable.”
There’s a story about a guy showing up the first day at the Bible College. He’d been a Christian for three months when he decided he was going to go to Bible College and he was going to preach the word. He went to Bible college and gets there and he’s pretty excited about it. He shows up for his first class. The professor says, “Turn to Jeremiah,” and he turns round looking for Jeremiah. Who is he? Then finally someone in the class goes, “Hey stupid! It’s in the Bible!” So he’s stumbling through. Someone else goes, “Idiot! You only have the New Testament. Jeremiah’s in the Old Testament!” So he gets done with that first class and is thinking, “I ought to get in my car and get out of here. I shouldn’t be here.”
He went ahead to his next class. He got there and he’s obviously feeling a little more comfortable as he gets involved in some of the conversation. He can see by some of the reactions that he’s probably going to say the right stuff. At the end of the class the professor asked everybody to write a couple of paragraphs about themselves. He did. When he got back to this class he got his paper back. There was a note on the bottom that said, “Thank you for being in my class, Wayne. Your insight and contribution was so refreshing in our discussion times. Your obvious zeal for Christ inspires us all. I look with great anticipation for how God will use you for His purpose.” Then he put on the bottom “The kingdom of God awaits you.” He said he must have read it a hundred times that night.
We tend to maximize the negative voices in our lives. And we tend to minimize the positive. We hear the negative voices screaming. We need to learn how to deal with that. Sometimes we think that’s the way it is and that’s the way you have to live. You don’t. We can learn to deal with this.
As a matter of fact I’m going to give you something I learned... Grab your ear lobe. You’re listening to something and somebody says, “That was an idiot thing to do. I.e., Jeremiah’s a book in the Bible, you idiot.” You know what you do at that point? Just flush that one.
The other thing you get to do is you get to have a lid on your heart. Sometimes people say things and you just let it right into your heart. You let it straight into your emotions. You need to learn how to close that lid. You need to learn how to open and close the lid of your heart and not let everything in so deeply that shouldn’t be there.
God uses people to change my heart - to grow the capacity of love in us, b/c it’s not about you
3. God uses pain to change my character.
The fact is we all have our unique set of problems in our different jobs. There’s a resulting pain from those problems, those trials, those difficulties. God wants to use those to help build our character. That does not mean He authored the problems, trials and pain. It simply means He’s willing to use those. He will leverage those things.
Romans 5 says “We can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials. They help us learn to endure and endurance develops strength of character and helps us to trust God more each time.” God is far more interested in your character than in your comfort. God is far more interested in perfecting you than pampering you. I don’t really like either of those statements. I’m very committed to my comfort and my pampering. But every time I pursue that and it runs counter to God’s purposes in my life I find that my best efforts do not satisfy. When I let Him do this transforming work in my heart it’s amazing but I actually end up where I wanted to be all along. Fulfilled. I was just pursuing it in a way that could never get it done. The goal is that we be transformed and become more like Jesus.
God can even use the temptations that you face to do that. All of us face various temptations but there’s a whole new set of them that are unique to work. You have a whole different group of temptations that show up there. 1 Corinthians 10 says
“Remember the temptations that come into your life are no different than what others experience. God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted He will show you a way out so you won’t give into it.” The temptations are common. We all face the same kinds of temptation. The solutions are also common as well. You go to God. You ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit, give you the power to make the right choice. Temptations are resistible. And clearly what we just said God will give you a way out.
It teaches us that although there is a way that God will make that even when I blow it the last chapter is not written. As long as I do something – walk in the light.
There’s a great definition for maturity... It’s this. Christian maturity is this: I'm a quicker repent-er than I used to be. That’s Christian maturity. Because if maturity means you won’t sin, then we have to become awesome actors. Because you’re a sinner and I'm a sinner. Fortunately God is in the business of forgiveness. He can even use my failures to build my character.
Phil. 1:6
“I am sure that God who began the good work within you will continue His work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.” The most important thing that you’re going to bring from your job this week is not your paycheck. It’s your character. God has begun a work in you. He’s committed to completing that work. He wants to continue that. He wants that backstage pass. Would you give Him the full access pass? The e-ticket to your heart. It will conclude that forty percent on your job this week. I challenge you to say, “Ok God, lights on, windows open. I'm walking in the light. I want to be a quicker repent-er than I used to be. I want to give You access to change me. In every way You want.”
If you’ll do that, I have some exciting news for you. The kingdom of God is at hand for you. The kingdom of God is at hand! It starts Monday morning. What will you do with it?
Sunday, October 07, 2007
God @ Work - My Ministry in the Marketplace
Last week when we started this series we talked about six levels of work. The bottom level, the lowest form of work is to make money and find success. The higher motivations are identity, maturity, credibility, and generosity.
Now today, we’re gonna get real practical. Today we’re gonna discuss making an impact in your work environment.
How do you change your work culture. Maybe God has got you there for a ministry to change your culture that would ultimately honor God. For a lot of folks, You don’t have to quit the marketplace to work full time in ministry. God wants your work to be full time ministry. He wants us to learn how to use our work not only as an act of worship but also as a ministry.
Colossians 3 “Work hard and cheerfully at all you do, just as though you were working for the Lord and not merely for your masters. Remember it is the Lord who is going to pay you. He’s the one you’re really working for.” Put a star by that last sentence. It blows up that calling in sick thing. He’s the one you’re really working for. Off to the side write down the word “perspective.” If you get your mental arms around that passage it really is a shift for us in the marketplace. We talked about last week, working isn’t just for money and success. God is the one you’re really working for.
If we start there then the big idea is that God is who I’m really working for then I’ve got to figure out how I can work for God in the marketplace, in the work setting that He has given me. How can I work for God? I can work for God by serving others.
That’s what this message is all about. It’s a message of how do you serve other people.
The challenge today is to serve. Look at what Jesus said in Matthew 25 “Anything you’ve done for one of My brothers here however humble, however small, however little, you’ve done for Me.” Jesus says when we serve others ultimately we’re serving God. We serve God by serving others. The Bible is very clear about that. When you serve somebody in the marketplace, you’re serving God.
Not for the benefit of if I serve them I’ll make them more productive and that’ll make me look better and make me more money. Or if I work under somebody, I serve them with the motive that maybe I’ll climb the corporate ladder. No. You serve them with the motive to serve them. When you serve them you serve God.
Why serving makes sense. Let’s look at some of the benefits. You want to know why serving makes sense in God’s eyes.
1. It makes life meaningful.
God wired you and I and created us to serve. He created us on purpose for a purpose and to fulfill our personal mission. He says spend your life in helping others. When you serve, something happens to you.
Titus 3 “Have our people learn to give their time in doing good and provide for real needs and not live useless lives.” Nobody wants to live a useless life. The Bible says you want to live life to its fullest? You want a life fulfilled? Then invest your life in serving others.
I believe one of the reasons why we live in a world where so many people are dissatisfied with life, so many people are bored in their life, they live boring lives, because they just live for themselves. The marketplace mentality is: it’s all about me. It’s all about getting success. It’s all about increasing my value and my wage so I can have more stuff for me. Ultimately they’re unhappy and bored people. If you want to live an exciting life you serve.
If you’re not serving, you’re living a boring life. You could pretend all you want. You can pretend it’s a great life but if you’re not serving others there’s not excitement. There’s not meaning there. God created you to serve. Why serve? It gives your life meaning.
Why serving makes sense...
2. It makes me like Christ.
Serving proves that I’m a Christian. When I serve with the motive to honor God it proves that I’m a follower of Christ. In today’s world it is difficult to prove things.
If I serve in a marketplace long enough people are going to say, What is up with you? Why do you do that? What is different about you? This is very important – a little bit of an aside here. Most of the people, most of us here want to grow spiritually. That’s why we’re here. That’s why we come to church. We want to change. We want to grow spiritually, we want to be more like Christ.
The New Testament teaches that almost all spiritual growth happens in the context of community – when you’re connected with other people. You want to grow spiritually, it’s about your life touching other aspects of other people’s lives and serving them.
Here’s a great passage to memorize: Philippians 2 “Look out for each other’s interests, not just for your own. The attitude you should have is the one Jesus Christ had.” What was the attitude of Jesus Christ? This is a mind blower right here. Jesus said in Matthew 20, “I did not come to be served but to serve. ”
Time out. Let’s think about this one. Jesus – God in the flesh – comes to this playground that we call earth and says “I didn’t come to be served. I came to serve.” That is so different from our culture today. In our culture when you’ve arrived then you get to be served. You attitude – “Look out for each other’s interests, not just for your own.” That’s the attitude of Christ. Let me ask this. Does that come naturally to you? Does that attitude of looking out for other people come naturally to you? Yes or no. No! For most of us who live with other people the answer is no. That’s not a natural thing that I wake up in the morning and go, “Who am I going to serve today?” It just doesn’t happen.
KBL
Why serving makes sense: it makes my life meaningful, it makes me like Christ….
3. It will be rewarded in eternity.
This is hard for us to understand today because very few people aside from Mother Teresa are ever rewarded for their service. Most people in the world we live in don’t get rewarded for their service. But God said you’re going to be rewarded. Matthew 25 “Well done good and faithful servant. You’ve been faithful with the few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness.”
There’s three types of rewards. Write down three words. There’s the reward of affirmation. That’s the “well done.” Can you imagine how exciting it will be when you get to heaven and God says to you, “Well done! Welcome! Well done!” If He says to me “Well done, Joe!” I just know my nature. I’m going to look over my shoulder to see if there’s another Joe around. Well done, Joe. Based on how you and I live our life, Well done, Joe!
That’s affirmation. Affirmation of a life well lived will be affirmation of a life of service. Serving others. You serve God by serving others. Write to the side “promotion.” “I will put you in charge of many things.” You’re going to get promoted. You’ve been faithful in a little, I’m going to give you faithful in much. You’ve been faithful in little, I’m going to give you much.
There’s a third part to this reward. It says “Come and share your master’s happiness.” That is the celebration. There will be reward of celebration. Affirmation – promotion – celebration.
Today, in the market place what are you living for? Who are you working for? Does it matter? Does it count? Jesus says you want to be great in eternity? Then serve here. John 12:26, “My Father will honor those who serve Me.” God the Father honors those who serve.
Let’s go practical. This week in the market place. How can I have a ministry at work, with the people I work with whether they’re Christians or non-Christians? How basically can I be a minister? If God is watching how I work how can I be a minister at work?
Let me give you some actions to put into play this week.
1. Accept others unconditionally.
If you want to be a minister, you accept people. Can you think of names of people that you work with that are difficult to accept? Yeah! A lot of people are difficult to accept.
anyone like this? (Lumbergh)
You’ve got people at work that you find difficult accepting. Everyone needs acceptance. I know what some of you are thinking. “Why should I accept people who say stupid things and do hurtful things to me and to others?” If you’re a Christian that’s exactly why you need to show acceptance. Just because they do foolish things is no reason to withdraw acceptance from them. Everybody needs acceptance. Why? Because we’re all broken. We’ve all messed up. We’re all filled with weaknesses and sins and inadequacies. We’ve got issues.
But here’s what we do. We all are broken. Yet we treat other people like they’re supposed to be perfect. Have you ever noticed the hypocrisy in this at all? It’s like the image that I thought, a mini-image of how we drive. Bad drivers tick you off. But have you ever been a bad driver? Absolutely. When I make mistakes and I cut people off and somebody flips me the bird, the international sign of displeasure, You know what I know about the guy who just flipped me off because I was a bad driver? In about twenty miles he’s going to do something and somebody’s going to flip him off.
That same picture that we see everyday on the highway is what’s happening in the marketplace. We have our own issues and faults and problems. Yet we expect everybody else to be different. Nobody’s perfect. If you expect perfection from people you’re going to be totally frustrated all the time. As a matter of fact I’d say that you can’t minister to people if you can’t accept them.
The Bible tells us if you’re a follower of Christ in Romans 15, “Accept one another just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God.” Look at the result. It’s not to make them feel good, it’s not to make you feel good. It’s to bring praise to God. That’s why you accept them. And by the way, don’t confuse acceptance with approval. You can accept people without approving of their behavior or their lifestyle. You can love people without agreeing with their life or behavior. Jesus did this all the time. As a matter of fact because of who Jesus was seen talking to – postitutes, troublemakers, tax collectors. The people that He hung out with. What was Jesus called? A friend to sinners. Friend to sinners. He accepted people without approving of the things that they had done wrong.
I know that some of you are defensive right now. You’re saying, You don’t know the people that I work with. How many of you work with odd people? I know them! The key is this – here’s the key I’m trying to live out in my own life and the key I’m trying to teach my own kids. The key is when people are hurtful and they say dumb things and they’re mean, HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE, the key is looking past their behavior and into their heart. What we typically do in the marketplace we just focus on everybody’s behavior. What we don’t realize is that people who are hurting on the inside, they will hurt and attack people on the outside. We all get hung up on the behavior. It’s not really the behavior. People are so broken on the inside. I try to teach my kids, Don’t hate them. Neighbors do something stupid or whatever. Don’t hate them. Feel sad for them. They’re hurting on the inside. Have compassion. Turn your anger into compassion.
Everybody is crying out for acceptance. The people in your office or in the marketplace that are the least deserving, they’re the most obnoxious people, those are the ones who need your acceptance the very most. If you want to impact others at work, you accept them unconditionally.
2. To have a ministry at work you encourage others continually.
You minister to people when you encourage them. Here’s some things you can know about encouragement. Everybody needs it. Everybody’s hurting somewhere. What have we said here in the past, “treat everybody as if they have a need, because everybody does” Everybody in your world could use a lift, some encouragement. I’ve never met anybody in my whole life who’s said, “Don’t encourage me.” I’ve had it up to here with all the encouragement. That isn’t reality. There’s so much more that can be filled up. The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5 “Encourage one another and build one another up.” If you’re a follower of Christ of all the people in the world we should be the ones who have the reputation to be encouragers at the office.
Let me ask you. Are you an encourager or a discourager? Do you compliment or do you criticize? Our world is so full of critics and cynics. Jesus said to the followers of Him, be different. The world lives that way. Be different. Don’t be a critic. Don’t be a cynic. Be different. Build people up.
Ephesians 4:29 “Speak only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen.” Can you imagine trying to live that one out? Maybe we need to write that on a 3x5 card and keep that in front of us. Only saying things that are going to build people up according to their needs. What do they need? They need to be appreciated.
People who brag a lot, you tend to think “They don’t need encouragement. They’ve got so much going.” No. That’s why they’re bragging. People who brag. People who namedrop. People who tell you how wonderful they are. They are weak and broken people desperate for validation. Since nobody’s validating their life they’re going to validate it in front of you. They’re the ones who need encouragement the most.
I’d say to you this week try to put this action into play. In the marketplace that God has put me, who can I encourage. How can I do it? When I say encourage, most of us think superficial. I’m not talking about superficial. A lot of times you watch what you say because you think you’re being encouraging but you’re really not.
Those of you in the marketplace, how many of you could use encouragement from people you work with? We all need it.
We minister at work when we encourage others continually and
3. We minister when we forgive others freely.
When people hurt you and they will, you offer forgiveness you will blow them away. People in our world we don’t typically respond with forgiveness. When people hurt us we just kind of bottle it up and we act moody or we do different things. When you forgive them you will minister to them. There’s a couple ways forgiveness works. You say, “I forgive you,” and you asking for forgiveness when you have hurt other people. Our world typically doesn’t do either one of those.
You want to minister to people? You forgive others freely. Then you ask for forgiveness when you hurt people.
Colossians 3 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Underline that.
Look at the first part “Bear with each other.” What does that mean – bear with each other. That’s one of those phrases that seems weird and churchy. What is this? It means be patient with them. When you’re patient with people. Here’s what I see in the context of the marketplace. You minimize mistakes. You don’t have to make a big deal out of mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. Is the world going to come to an end because of this? The person already probably feels foolish. They know they made a mistake. I can either hammer it down and feel a little bit better about myself, showing them what a fool they were. Or we can say, “That’s not a big deal. I know you won’t do it again. Let’s move on.” That’s bear with one another. That’s being patient with on another.
What’s your motive for that? You forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Why do Christians forgive? Because we’ll never have to forgive anyone as much as Jesus Christ has forgiven us. Forgiveness is so rare in this world that when you forgive someone it’s like this shining light comes on. If you were to read the most famous sermon of Jesus in Matthew 5 what He says “You are different. You’re to be a light in the world. Like a light set on a mountaintop for all to see.” When you forgive somebody that light comes on and people are going, That’s different.
How many of you watch American Idol? Remember the woman who made it to Hollywood, she tried out, she was a larger woman. After she made it to Hollywood for the initial tryouts, as she was walking out the door, Simon one of the judges said, “Looks like this year we’re going to need a larger stage.” Fox played that for everybody to see. It was a fun little sound bite for the world. It crushed Mandesa. When Mandesa gets to Hollywood as she comes out to sing, she says, “Before I sing, Simon I just want to let you know that what you said hurt me very, very bad. But I want to also let you know that I forgive you. And the reason I forgive you is because I have been forgiven.” It so moved this guy. You could tell in his eyes and his response as he got up from around the counter and gave her a hug. The Fox executives you know were going, Great TV! The whole world is seeing this thing on forgiveness. It wasn’t just great tv. It was great theology. It was faith in practice that this young woman said, I forgive you because I’ve been forgiven.
How to have a ministry at work? You accept others unconditionally, you encourage others continually, you forgive others freely and you…
4. Help others willingly
This is the essence of servanthood – willingly. Because we don’t want to naturally we say God would You change what comes naturally, the have to, to the want to. That’s what I love about following Jesus. He says, Follow Me.
Being a Christian is a journey. It’s not this overnight sensation. It’s a journey. I’m not there yet. You’re not there yet. God would you change me from being unwilling to willing. I know that when I serve others it makes my life meaningful, it makes me more like Jesus, it will be rewarded in heaven.
Proverbs 3 says, “Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. Never tell your neighbor to wait until tomorrow if you can help him now.” Circle “help him now.” The Bible teaches that offering practical assistance to people at work that when you’re ministering to them, you’re serving God. When you help others even if you feel like it’s in vain, God sees your heart. It changes your character. That’s what I was talking about. He opens the window of your soul and puts His favor in you. This is why I created you.
1 Corinthians 15:58 “Now my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord’s work. For you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.” Nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless!
Tomorrow in the marketplace. You’re helping somebody out on a project and you think, “Nothing I do for the Lord is ever useless.” You’re helping somebody figure out this software program. You’ve already showed them five times before and they’re asking for help again. You think, “Nothing I do for the Lord is ever useless.” You’re taking a shift for somebody else so they can be with their family and you have this space and margin in your scheduled to do it. You think, “Nothing I do for the Lord is ever useless.” You stay after work to help somebody out and you even do menial tasks that you think are below you and you think, “Nothing I do for the Lord is ever useless.”
Don’t procrastinate. When you see people in need, help them out. The problem is we get so wrapped up in ourselves we don’t see the needs of other people. If you want to be more like Jesus Christ you’re never more like Jesus Christ than when you serve.
This week, the people in the marketplace, see them as your church. You’re the minister at that church. When you go to your job you don’t need to go into your job carrying a big Bible and wearing a robe with a collar – “Hello, brethren. I was at church and was told I was a minister in the marketplace.” If you do that don’t tell them you came from FOCUS*! But when you go in and you know the people are hurting all around you and everybody in your office, the people that you work with need to be accepted, encouraged, forgiven and helped.
When you do, what happens as a minister you then earn the right to be heard about this wonderful God who has so changed your life that you want to accept and encourage and forgive and help. God came to earth and died on the cross in the form of Jesus so that those of us who were broken and sinful could be connected with God and have a personal relationship with Him. In that personal relationship we would receive His power to do the things that don’t come naturally to us. When you do these things you earn the right to tell about that kind of relationship.
The closing challenge is I want you to go back to work this week with a new job description – serve. And a new title – minister. As you walk in the doors of your work remind yourself, “I’m a minister of Jesus Christ in the marketplace today.
I can minister by accepting and encouraging and forgiving and helping.”
Who believes that you can put at least one of these actions into practice this week? I believe you can too. I’m proud of you for trying.
Now today, we’re gonna get real practical. Today we’re gonna discuss making an impact in your work environment.
How do you change your work culture. Maybe God has got you there for a ministry to change your culture that would ultimately honor God. For a lot of folks, You don’t have to quit the marketplace to work full time in ministry. God wants your work to be full time ministry. He wants us to learn how to use our work not only as an act of worship but also as a ministry.
Colossians 3 “Work hard and cheerfully at all you do, just as though you were working for the Lord and not merely for your masters. Remember it is the Lord who is going to pay you. He’s the one you’re really working for.” Put a star by that last sentence. It blows up that calling in sick thing. He’s the one you’re really working for. Off to the side write down the word “perspective.” If you get your mental arms around that passage it really is a shift for us in the marketplace. We talked about last week, working isn’t just for money and success. God is the one you’re really working for.
If we start there then the big idea is that God is who I’m really working for then I’ve got to figure out how I can work for God in the marketplace, in the work setting that He has given me. How can I work for God? I can work for God by serving others.
That’s what this message is all about. It’s a message of how do you serve other people.
The challenge today is to serve. Look at what Jesus said in Matthew 25 “Anything you’ve done for one of My brothers here however humble, however small, however little, you’ve done for Me.” Jesus says when we serve others ultimately we’re serving God. We serve God by serving others. The Bible is very clear about that. When you serve somebody in the marketplace, you’re serving God.
Not for the benefit of if I serve them I’ll make them more productive and that’ll make me look better and make me more money. Or if I work under somebody, I serve them with the motive that maybe I’ll climb the corporate ladder. No. You serve them with the motive to serve them. When you serve them you serve God.
Why serving makes sense. Let’s look at some of the benefits. You want to know why serving makes sense in God’s eyes.
1. It makes life meaningful.
God wired you and I and created us to serve. He created us on purpose for a purpose and to fulfill our personal mission. He says spend your life in helping others. When you serve, something happens to you.
Titus 3 “Have our people learn to give their time in doing good and provide for real needs and not live useless lives.” Nobody wants to live a useless life. The Bible says you want to live life to its fullest? You want a life fulfilled? Then invest your life in serving others.
I believe one of the reasons why we live in a world where so many people are dissatisfied with life, so many people are bored in their life, they live boring lives, because they just live for themselves. The marketplace mentality is: it’s all about me. It’s all about getting success. It’s all about increasing my value and my wage so I can have more stuff for me. Ultimately they’re unhappy and bored people. If you want to live an exciting life you serve.
If you’re not serving, you’re living a boring life. You could pretend all you want. You can pretend it’s a great life but if you’re not serving others there’s not excitement. There’s not meaning there. God created you to serve. Why serve? It gives your life meaning.
Why serving makes sense...
2. It makes me like Christ.
Serving proves that I’m a Christian. When I serve with the motive to honor God it proves that I’m a follower of Christ. In today’s world it is difficult to prove things.
If I serve in a marketplace long enough people are going to say, What is up with you? Why do you do that? What is different about you? This is very important – a little bit of an aside here. Most of the people, most of us here want to grow spiritually. That’s why we’re here. That’s why we come to church. We want to change. We want to grow spiritually, we want to be more like Christ.
The New Testament teaches that almost all spiritual growth happens in the context of community – when you’re connected with other people. You want to grow spiritually, it’s about your life touching other aspects of other people’s lives and serving them.
Here’s a great passage to memorize: Philippians 2 “Look out for each other’s interests, not just for your own. The attitude you should have is the one Jesus Christ had.” What was the attitude of Jesus Christ? This is a mind blower right here. Jesus said in Matthew 20, “I did not come to be served but to serve. ”
Time out. Let’s think about this one. Jesus – God in the flesh – comes to this playground that we call earth and says “I didn’t come to be served. I came to serve.” That is so different from our culture today. In our culture when you’ve arrived then you get to be served. You attitude – “Look out for each other’s interests, not just for your own.” That’s the attitude of Christ. Let me ask this. Does that come naturally to you? Does that attitude of looking out for other people come naturally to you? Yes or no. No! For most of us who live with other people the answer is no. That’s not a natural thing that I wake up in the morning and go, “Who am I going to serve today?” It just doesn’t happen.
KBL
Why serving makes sense: it makes my life meaningful, it makes me like Christ….
3. It will be rewarded in eternity.
This is hard for us to understand today because very few people aside from Mother Teresa are ever rewarded for their service. Most people in the world we live in don’t get rewarded for their service. But God said you’re going to be rewarded. Matthew 25 “Well done good and faithful servant. You’ve been faithful with the few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness.”
There’s three types of rewards. Write down three words. There’s the reward of affirmation. That’s the “well done.” Can you imagine how exciting it will be when you get to heaven and God says to you, “Well done! Welcome! Well done!” If He says to me “Well done, Joe!” I just know my nature. I’m going to look over my shoulder to see if there’s another Joe around. Well done, Joe. Based on how you and I live our life, Well done, Joe!
That’s affirmation. Affirmation of a life well lived will be affirmation of a life of service. Serving others. You serve God by serving others. Write to the side “promotion.” “I will put you in charge of many things.” You’re going to get promoted. You’ve been faithful in a little, I’m going to give you faithful in much. You’ve been faithful in little, I’m going to give you much.
There’s a third part to this reward. It says “Come and share your master’s happiness.” That is the celebration. There will be reward of celebration. Affirmation – promotion – celebration.
Today, in the market place what are you living for? Who are you working for? Does it matter? Does it count? Jesus says you want to be great in eternity? Then serve here. John 12:26, “My Father will honor those who serve Me.” God the Father honors those who serve.
Let’s go practical. This week in the market place. How can I have a ministry at work, with the people I work with whether they’re Christians or non-Christians? How basically can I be a minister? If God is watching how I work how can I be a minister at work?
Let me give you some actions to put into play this week.
1. Accept others unconditionally.
If you want to be a minister, you accept people. Can you think of names of people that you work with that are difficult to accept? Yeah! A lot of people are difficult to accept.
anyone like this? (Lumbergh)
You’ve got people at work that you find difficult accepting. Everyone needs acceptance. I know what some of you are thinking. “Why should I accept people who say stupid things and do hurtful things to me and to others?” If you’re a Christian that’s exactly why you need to show acceptance. Just because they do foolish things is no reason to withdraw acceptance from them. Everybody needs acceptance. Why? Because we’re all broken. We’ve all messed up. We’re all filled with weaknesses and sins and inadequacies. We’ve got issues.
But here’s what we do. We all are broken. Yet we treat other people like they’re supposed to be perfect. Have you ever noticed the hypocrisy in this at all? It’s like the image that I thought, a mini-image of how we drive. Bad drivers tick you off. But have you ever been a bad driver? Absolutely. When I make mistakes and I cut people off and somebody flips me the bird, the international sign of displeasure, You know what I know about the guy who just flipped me off because I was a bad driver? In about twenty miles he’s going to do something and somebody’s going to flip him off.
That same picture that we see everyday on the highway is what’s happening in the marketplace. We have our own issues and faults and problems. Yet we expect everybody else to be different. Nobody’s perfect. If you expect perfection from people you’re going to be totally frustrated all the time. As a matter of fact I’d say that you can’t minister to people if you can’t accept them.
The Bible tells us if you’re a follower of Christ in Romans 15, “Accept one another just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God.” Look at the result. It’s not to make them feel good, it’s not to make you feel good. It’s to bring praise to God. That’s why you accept them. And by the way, don’t confuse acceptance with approval. You can accept people without approving of their behavior or their lifestyle. You can love people without agreeing with their life or behavior. Jesus did this all the time. As a matter of fact because of who Jesus was seen talking to – postitutes, troublemakers, tax collectors. The people that He hung out with. What was Jesus called? A friend to sinners. Friend to sinners. He accepted people without approving of the things that they had done wrong.
I know that some of you are defensive right now. You’re saying, You don’t know the people that I work with. How many of you work with odd people? I know them! The key is this – here’s the key I’m trying to live out in my own life and the key I’m trying to teach my own kids. The key is when people are hurtful and they say dumb things and they’re mean, HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE, the key is looking past their behavior and into their heart. What we typically do in the marketplace we just focus on everybody’s behavior. What we don’t realize is that people who are hurting on the inside, they will hurt and attack people on the outside. We all get hung up on the behavior. It’s not really the behavior. People are so broken on the inside. I try to teach my kids, Don’t hate them. Neighbors do something stupid or whatever. Don’t hate them. Feel sad for them. They’re hurting on the inside. Have compassion. Turn your anger into compassion.
Everybody is crying out for acceptance. The people in your office or in the marketplace that are the least deserving, they’re the most obnoxious people, those are the ones who need your acceptance the very most. If you want to impact others at work, you accept them unconditionally.
2. To have a ministry at work you encourage others continually.
You minister to people when you encourage them. Here’s some things you can know about encouragement. Everybody needs it. Everybody’s hurting somewhere. What have we said here in the past, “treat everybody as if they have a need, because everybody does” Everybody in your world could use a lift, some encouragement. I’ve never met anybody in my whole life who’s said, “Don’t encourage me.” I’ve had it up to here with all the encouragement. That isn’t reality. There’s so much more that can be filled up. The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5 “Encourage one another and build one another up.” If you’re a follower of Christ of all the people in the world we should be the ones who have the reputation to be encouragers at the office.
Let me ask you. Are you an encourager or a discourager? Do you compliment or do you criticize? Our world is so full of critics and cynics. Jesus said to the followers of Him, be different. The world lives that way. Be different. Don’t be a critic. Don’t be a cynic. Be different. Build people up.
Ephesians 4:29 “Speak only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen.” Can you imagine trying to live that one out? Maybe we need to write that on a 3x5 card and keep that in front of us. Only saying things that are going to build people up according to their needs. What do they need? They need to be appreciated.
People who brag a lot, you tend to think “They don’t need encouragement. They’ve got so much going.” No. That’s why they’re bragging. People who brag. People who namedrop. People who tell you how wonderful they are. They are weak and broken people desperate for validation. Since nobody’s validating their life they’re going to validate it in front of you. They’re the ones who need encouragement the most.
I’d say to you this week try to put this action into play. In the marketplace that God has put me, who can I encourage. How can I do it? When I say encourage, most of us think superficial. I’m not talking about superficial. A lot of times you watch what you say because you think you’re being encouraging but you’re really not.
Those of you in the marketplace, how many of you could use encouragement from people you work with? We all need it.
We minister at work when we encourage others continually and
3. We minister when we forgive others freely.
When people hurt you and they will, you offer forgiveness you will blow them away. People in our world we don’t typically respond with forgiveness. When people hurt us we just kind of bottle it up and we act moody or we do different things. When you forgive them you will minister to them. There’s a couple ways forgiveness works. You say, “I forgive you,” and you asking for forgiveness when you have hurt other people. Our world typically doesn’t do either one of those.
You want to minister to people? You forgive others freely. Then you ask for forgiveness when you hurt people.
Colossians 3 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Underline that.
Look at the first part “Bear with each other.” What does that mean – bear with each other. That’s one of those phrases that seems weird and churchy. What is this? It means be patient with them. When you’re patient with people. Here’s what I see in the context of the marketplace. You minimize mistakes. You don’t have to make a big deal out of mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. Is the world going to come to an end because of this? The person already probably feels foolish. They know they made a mistake. I can either hammer it down and feel a little bit better about myself, showing them what a fool they were. Or we can say, “That’s not a big deal. I know you won’t do it again. Let’s move on.” That’s bear with one another. That’s being patient with on another.
What’s your motive for that? You forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Why do Christians forgive? Because we’ll never have to forgive anyone as much as Jesus Christ has forgiven us. Forgiveness is so rare in this world that when you forgive someone it’s like this shining light comes on. If you were to read the most famous sermon of Jesus in Matthew 5 what He says “You are different. You’re to be a light in the world. Like a light set on a mountaintop for all to see.” When you forgive somebody that light comes on and people are going, That’s different.
How many of you watch American Idol? Remember the woman who made it to Hollywood, she tried out, she was a larger woman. After she made it to Hollywood for the initial tryouts, as she was walking out the door, Simon one of the judges said, “Looks like this year we’re going to need a larger stage.” Fox played that for everybody to see. It was a fun little sound bite for the world. It crushed Mandesa. When Mandesa gets to Hollywood as she comes out to sing, she says, “Before I sing, Simon I just want to let you know that what you said hurt me very, very bad. But I want to also let you know that I forgive you. And the reason I forgive you is because I have been forgiven.” It so moved this guy. You could tell in his eyes and his response as he got up from around the counter and gave her a hug. The Fox executives you know were going, Great TV! The whole world is seeing this thing on forgiveness. It wasn’t just great tv. It was great theology. It was faith in practice that this young woman said, I forgive you because I’ve been forgiven.
How to have a ministry at work? You accept others unconditionally, you encourage others continually, you forgive others freely and you…
4. Help others willingly
This is the essence of servanthood – willingly. Because we don’t want to naturally we say God would You change what comes naturally, the have to, to the want to. That’s what I love about following Jesus. He says, Follow Me.
Being a Christian is a journey. It’s not this overnight sensation. It’s a journey. I’m not there yet. You’re not there yet. God would you change me from being unwilling to willing. I know that when I serve others it makes my life meaningful, it makes me more like Jesus, it will be rewarded in heaven.
Proverbs 3 says, “Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. Never tell your neighbor to wait until tomorrow if you can help him now.” Circle “help him now.” The Bible teaches that offering practical assistance to people at work that when you’re ministering to them, you’re serving God. When you help others even if you feel like it’s in vain, God sees your heart. It changes your character. That’s what I was talking about. He opens the window of your soul and puts His favor in you. This is why I created you.
1 Corinthians 15:58 “Now my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord’s work. For you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.” Nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless!
Tomorrow in the marketplace. You’re helping somebody out on a project and you think, “Nothing I do for the Lord is ever useless.” You’re helping somebody figure out this software program. You’ve already showed them five times before and they’re asking for help again. You think, “Nothing I do for the Lord is ever useless.” You’re taking a shift for somebody else so they can be with their family and you have this space and margin in your scheduled to do it. You think, “Nothing I do for the Lord is ever useless.” You stay after work to help somebody out and you even do menial tasks that you think are below you and you think, “Nothing I do for the Lord is ever useless.”
Don’t procrastinate. When you see people in need, help them out. The problem is we get so wrapped up in ourselves we don’t see the needs of other people. If you want to be more like Jesus Christ you’re never more like Jesus Christ than when you serve.
This week, the people in the marketplace, see them as your church. You’re the minister at that church. When you go to your job you don’t need to go into your job carrying a big Bible and wearing a robe with a collar – “Hello, brethren. I was at church and was told I was a minister in the marketplace.” If you do that don’t tell them you came from FOCUS*! But when you go in and you know the people are hurting all around you and everybody in your office, the people that you work with need to be accepted, encouraged, forgiven and helped.
When you do, what happens as a minister you then earn the right to be heard about this wonderful God who has so changed your life that you want to accept and encourage and forgive and help. God came to earth and died on the cross in the form of Jesus so that those of us who were broken and sinful could be connected with God and have a personal relationship with Him. In that personal relationship we would receive His power to do the things that don’t come naturally to us. When you do these things you earn the right to tell about that kind of relationship.
The closing challenge is I want you to go back to work this week with a new job description – serve. And a new title – minister. As you walk in the doors of your work remind yourself, “I’m a minister of Jesus Christ in the marketplace today.
I can minister by accepting and encouraging and forgiving and helping.”
Who believes that you can put at least one of these actions into practice this week? I believe you can too. I’m proud of you for trying.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
God @ Work - Why Work?
Today we’re beginning a new series on your work. “God @ Work.” In your lifetime you’re going to spend about 150,000 hours at work. That’s forty percent of your life. The odds are you’re not going to enjoy it. (radio - have a nice day - I cant I’m headed to work) A recent survey across America discovered that two thirds of American workers said, “I really don’t like my job.” In fact a lot of people flat out say, “I hate my job!” I don’t know if you know this or not but Monday morning between 5 a.m. and 9 a.m. is the number one time people commit suicide. It’s the most likely time people commit suicide in the world. Why? Because they can’t face another week at work.
Toby Keith has a song that goes like this, “Yeah, the big boss man he likes to crack that whip. I ain’t nothing but a number on his time card slip. I give him forty hours and a piece of my soul and he puts me at the bottom of his totem pole.
A lot of people feel like nobodies at work. Yet work dominates our lives. It defines our lives. It determines where we live, who we’re going to have as friends, what we do with our lives, how we spend our time. So today as we start this series I want to begin with this question: Why? Why work? Why go to work?
That’s not exactly a new question. It was asked over three thousand years ago by the wisest man who ever lived. His name was Solomon. In the book of Ecclesiastes he says this “What do people really get for all their hard work?” In other words what am I really getting? You spend your life working and laboring. What do you have to show for it? Especially here in America where the government will pay you for not working. If you can pick up welfare checks why not just stay in bed and cash the checks. Why? Why work?
You may say, “I work because I have bills to pay. I owe, I owe, so it’s off to work I go.” You say, “I'm working so I can retire.” Think about that idea. Isn’t it kind of dumb to spend your entire life doing something you don’t want to do so that at the end you don’t have to do it? Is that really the way I want to spend my life? There’s got to be a better reason than I’m just here to pay my bills or I just want to retire.
There is! In fact the Bible gives us six motivations for work. Two of them are financial and four of them are spiritual. Today we’re going to look at all six of those motivations.
We’re going to start with the lowest one, the least important and work our way up to the highest level of motivation. The first reason we work is the most
obvious one.
1. It’s out of necessity.
I work to meet my needs. That’s why I work. So it’s necessity. This is the most obvious. It’s the basic reason why we work. We work to stay alive. Proverbs 12:11 says “The one who stays on the job has food on the table.” Proverbs 16:26 “Appetite is an incentive to work.” I agree with that, how about you? Hunger makes you work all the harder.
This is just the basic level. It’s the survival level. It’s the lowest motivation for why it is that we work. The fact is today there’s a lot of people who don’t have any motivation to work. They don’t want to. They’re lazy. They expect other people to take care of them. They feel that the government should support them. Wherever there’s freedom there’s going to be freeloaders.
God has few things to say about that. but we’ll just look at 1 example.
The apostle Paul set a wonderful example for us. 2 Thessalonians 3:7-8 “We were not idle when we were with you. On the contrary we worked night and day laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you.” No one could accuse Paul of being a freeloader. He wasn’t a parasite. He was self-sufficient. He was like the song, “He worked hard for his money.” He didn’t depend on handouts from other people. So the most basic motivation for work is out of necessity.
Let’s take a look at the next level.
2. The second level is Prosperity.
This is when I'm not working out of necessity, just because I want to stay alive. But I'm working out of prosperity and that is I want to succeed financially. This is a legitimate motivation for work. It’s just not the most important one. The second reason is prosperity. I want to make some money. I want to develop wealth.
You need to realize that God is not opposed to wealth. He’s not. Some of the wealthiest people in the Bible were the most godly people. Some of the heroes in the Bible were extremely wealthy. Abraham was a very wealthy man. Job was the wealthiest man in the world during his day. So was Solomon. Solomon was the wealthiest man in the world during his day. David was wealthy. Joseph of Arimathea was wealthy. Lydia was wealthy. So being wealthy and being close to God are not contradictory.
What God is interested in is how you get it (in other words do you get it honestly), how you spend it (do you spend it wisely), how you share it (do you share it generously) and He’s saying when you are getting wealth it’s ok as long as there’s certain perimeters. So God says as you become prosperous and that by the way, includes everyone in this room. Because by the world’s standard you are prosperous. The poorest person in America is wealthy to the rest of the world. If you have any change in your pocket you are wealthier than 95% of the people in the world. They don't walk around with money in their pocket.
Jesus talked a lot about wealth. Over half of the parables that Jesus told are actually about money. Jesus talked more about money than He did either heaven or hell. Some of those parables are actually about investments. Jesus praises the servants who get a good return on their investments. He said good job. You doubled your money, you tripled your money, you did a good job. So it was ok to make investments and triple investments. He says you’re a good servant. Well done.
The Bible is literally filled with advice and principles on both work and succeeding at work, succeeding in your business and making money and saving money and investing money. In fact there’s one particular book in the Bible that has a lot about money and about work. It’s called the book of Proverbs. Proverbs has tons of advice, literally tons of advice about work and about money. Here are a few…
Proverbs 21 “Steady plodding brings prosperity. Hasty speculation [that means the lottery] brings poverty.”
Proverbs 23 “Get the facts at any price.” A lot of people lose both their work and their money because they don't have the facts.
Proverbs 27 “Watch your business interest closely. Know the state of your flocks and herds.” That’s the principle of accounting. That’s a budget. A budget is telling your money where you want it to go rather than wondering where it went.
Proverbs 16:3 “Commit your work to the Lord and then it will succeed.” You want to be a success at work? The Bible says commit your work to the Lord.
“Lazy people want much but get little but those who work hard will prosper and be satisfied.” Proverbs 13:4
All of these verses are just a few examples of verses that are in Proverbs. Here’s my suggestion. This series, “God @ Work,” it’s going to be one month long. It just so happens that the book of Proverbs is 31 chapters long. So here’s what I want you to do, here’s your homework. I want you to read one chapter of Proverbs every day during the next month. While we go through this series on God’s purposes for your work I want you to read one chapter a day and you’ll get through the book of Proverbs by the end of the month. I want you to take a highlighter or a pen, get a modern translation of the Bible – New Living Translation, the Message paraphrase – and I want you to highlight each day the verses that speak to you about your work and your money. You’re going to be amazed about how much you learn in the next thirty-one days. Just highlight the verses that speak to you. “I could use this at work,” or “I could use this in managing my money.” Highlight it!
Proverbs 13:4 “Lazy people want much but get little. But those who work hard will prosper and be satisfied.” God wants you to prosper at work. And God wants you to be satisfied at work. I do too. I want you to be prosperous and I want you to be fulfilled. I'm going to give you a two-day seminar in about thirty seconds. There are five things God wants you to do with your prosperity. Five things God wants you to do with what He blesses you with. If you do these five things He will bless you with more. God is seeing if we are trustworthy.
1. Make money honestly. God says I'm not going to bless it if you’re out there ripping people off, selling an inferior product, you’re cheating people. Make money honestly.
2. The second thing He says if you want My blessing in your life, tithe it regularly. That means I give the first part of it back to God. Why do I give it back to God? I give the first ten percent back to God. Why? First I'm grateful for what He’s given me. If it wasn’t for Him I wouldn’t have anything. Second, it’s my priority in the present. You’re first. You get the first part. And third, it’s faith about the future. I trust You to bless me in the future.
So I make it honestly and I tithe it regularly.
3. Save it faithfully. The Bible has a lot to say about savings and investments. You will be amazed as you read through Proverbs what you learn about saving and investing your money.
4. Spend it wisely. That means you have to have some kind of budget. You’re not just doing impulse buying. So you have a plan. You spend it wisely.
5. Share it generously. God is watching to see how you do all five of these things to see, Can He trust you with more. Are you faithful with what you’ve got?
Proverbs 13:11
“Wealth from get rich quick schemes quickly disappears... [That means easy come, easy go. You make it quickly you can loose it real quickly. So He says it’s easy come, easy go. Wealth from get rich quick schemes quickly disappears.] …But wealth from hard work grows.” So this is the second motivation for work. First, necessity. I want to stay alive. I want to be able to eat. Second, for prosperity. That’s the motivation of wealth. There’s no problem with that. It’s just not the most important.
Now we’re going to move up to a little higher level of motivation for work.
The third reason for work is…
3. Identity
I work to express my God given shape. God has wired all of us uniquely to do something different on this planet. We’re all wired different so that everything can get done. Some are wired to be musicians. Some are great with numbers. We’re wired to be accountants. Some of us are great at taking complex things and making them simple. We’re wired to be teachers.
Here at FOCUS* we call this your shape. If you’ve been around for any length of time you’ve heard that term. Discovering your Design. These principles apply to work, Discovering your shape for work.
So what is shape? It’s actually an acrostic. Shape.
S – Spiritual gifts. Those are the things when you become a believer that God gives you, that He wants you to use in ministry and for Him.
H – Heart. What are you passionate about, what gets you up in the morning? What’s your drive?
A – Abilities. Your God given talents. The skills that you’ve developed over the years that you can share with others.
P – your Personality. You are unique. There is no one else like you. God wants to use your personality to effect other people’s lives for the good.
E – Experiences. All of us have experiences in our lives that we can use to help other people.
So how do you know if you’re working in your shape? There’s two questions that you can ask yourself, and you may want to write these down, to know if you’re working and where your working is going to fit your shape.
1. Are you successful at what you’re doing? That’s the first question to know if you’re working in your shape.
2. Are you satisfied in what you’re doing?
If you can answer yes to both of those questions – yes I m successful at what I'm doing and yes I am satisfied then there’s a really good chance that you’re in your shape at work.
Galatians 6:4 “Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.” Doing the work that you’re shaped for gives you dignity. There’s legitimate honor and pride in doing a job that’s well done. We’re all shaped different ways. We’re all shaped to serve God and we all have different shapes for work. There’s been studies and research done that’s proved that the happiest people in their jobs are doing something they believe is: one, worthwhile; two, meaningful to them, and three, it’s larger than they are.
One of the reasons that a lot of people hate their job and they’re miserable every Monday morning doesn’t have to do with their co-workers but it’s because they’re in a job that doesn’t fit their shape. They’re in a job for all the wrong reasons. They’re in it for the money because they want to the bigger house or they want the boat or the bigger boat. Or they want the second house.
Making money is almost the bottom of the barrel of motivation. The higher motivation is identity. Doing something that you love.
Some people think that the goal of life is just to do nothing. But Proverbs 12:27 says, “A lazy life is an empty life, but “early to rise” gets the job done.” The fact is that we get a lot of our identity from our work. After you meet someone for the first time and you introduce yourself what is typically the next question you ask? What do you do? What do you do for a living? It’s a great question because it gives us a good picture, a snapshot of who they are. It’s not the totality of who they are and where they work. But it does give us a glimpse, an insight into who this person might be.
The truth is there is honor and dignity that results from legitimate work. There is no work that is undignified…unless you’re going to be like a hit man or something else like that. We’re not talking about that. But legitimate work is not undignified.
Proverbs 12:14 says, “Well done work has its own reward.” The fact is that God has built in certain emotional rewards in each of us that only comes from work. The self respect and self esteem that we get from doing a job well done, the feeling of knowing the accomplishments we’ve done when we gave it our best shot.
I’ll never forget my first job.” - mowing lawns - It helped build self-respect and self-esteem in me. There is dignity in work itself.
The most important thing is this, find work that expresses you. Find work that expresses your shape. If you’re great at closing in business that’s your gift, then be a closer. If you’re great at teaching and you love it and that’s what gets you up in the morning. You can stay in there all day and teach, then be a teacher. If you’re great with numbers, then be an accountant. Be a stockbroker. Do what it is you’re shaped to do. Fulfilling your shape is far more important than making money. It’s the higher motivation.
The fourth reason for work is…
4. Maturity
What I mean by that is I work to develop my character. Work is a school for character development. God is far more interested in what you are than what you do. Think about it like this: you’re not taking your career to heaven but you are taking your character. God is more interested in what you are. We’re human beings not human doings. A lot of things you could do in life but what God’s more interested in is what you’re becoming while you do it. So the fourth purpose of work at a much higher level than simply necessity or prosperity is maturity. What is it doing to you? How is it changing you?
The number one way that God grows your character is through your family, through your marriage. Marriage is the school in learning to be unselfish. Have you figured that one out? You can’t stay selfish in a marriage and hold it together. You have to learn a thing called compromise and if you have kids you really have to learn compromise. You can’t just get your way all the time any more. Marriage, the goal isn’t just to make you happy. It’s to make you holy, which in the long run is going to make you happy. Happiness is not always getting your way. Happiness is learning to be mature.
The second way that God builds your character right after marriage and family is your work. He uses your job as a testing ground.
A good example of this is Joseph. Joseph was a guy in the Bible who had this dream of being a great leader and everything in his life went wrong. He was sold into slavery. If he later, after forty years, if he’d made his resume it’d be this. “I was betrayed by my brothers, I was sold into slavery, I was the housekeeper in a house, I was a slave, then I was an assistant in a prison. By the way, I was a prisoner while I was there.” Not a very good resume for being a leader of a major country. What was going on? Had God forgotten the dream? No, the Bible says this in Psalm 105 “Until the time came to fulfill His word the Lord tested Joseph's character.”
God has a dream for your life. But before that dream comes true or if it even does come true, God’s going to test your character to see if you can handle it. If you don’t pass the test the dream isn’t going to happen. Because God is more interested in your character. As I said, He’s more interested in what you’re becoming than what you’re doing.
Remember work is God’s idea. He thought it up. There was work in the Garden of Eden to do. There was work in paradise. It wasn’t just leisure. There were things to do.
In fact in Genesis 2:15 here’s the first job “God put the man in the Garden of Eden to care for it and work it.” Contrary to popular legend the oldest profession is landscaping. It’s gardening. It’s not something else you may have thought. But the first job was take care of the garden.
The Bible says this in Colossians 1 “Live the kind of life that honors and pleases the Lord in every way. You will produce fruit in every good work and grow in the knowledge of God.” God says I want you to grow through your work.
A few character qualities you might develop while you’re at work. Could any of you ever have the opportunity this week at work to work on patience? How about flexibility? How about cheerfulness? This is hard in some offices. Being cheerful. I could go on down the list – forgiveness, fairness, persistence. The list could go on and on. You can work on integrity at work. You can work on humility at work. You can work on dependability, on loyalty, contentment, honesty, on and on. That boss or that co-worker that you just can’t stand God is trying to teach you some things through that boss.
Here’s the point. While you’re working on your job, God is working on you. What God is doing in you is more important than what you’re doing. God is working on you while you’re working on the job.
The fifth reason for work is…
5. Credibility
Why do I need credibility at work? It’s to impact others. Our work is our witness. It demonstrates what we believe. It’s a testimony. It’s our testimony.
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 says “Take care of your own business, and do your own work… if you do, then people who are not believers will respect you.” This is the fifth motivation in the Bible. It’s an example to unbelievers. It’s a testimony. It’s the fact that actions speak louder than words and God wants audiovisual Christians. Maybe the people at your work would be more open to the good news of Jesus, be open to become a Christian if you just be quiet about it. Stop being vocal about it and just live it out. Then they’d say, What’s different about this person? What is it? What is it about them? Here’s the key – this is so important to reaching people who don’t know Christ. Before your co-workers want to know that the Bible is credible, they want to know if you are. They want to know if you’re credible. Whether you like it or not, or whether I like it, we’re being watched. Especially if they know we’re Christians.
People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.
ex. of pepsi
They want to see that you’re the real deal. There are so many fakes out there. There are so many things that are vying for their attention and saying, this is where you can find help. They want to know the real deal. They want to know that you and I are who we say we are. Your witness has to be backed up by your work. If you’re slacking on the job, if you’re having a bad attitude, if you’re constantly showing up late, or leaving early, if you’re playing solitaire on your computer instead of working, or stealing paper clips. Whatever it is you’re doing that’s making your witness ineffective, stop! Because God wants us to be a light in the dark places of people’s lives.
Matthew 5:16 says “Your light must shine before people so they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.” Circle ‘your light must shine” and then circle the word “they.” What’s this verse talking about? What is the light? You are. You’re the light. You’re the testimony. Your co-workers, if they know you follow Christ, they know what motivates you to do what it is you do. You walk the walk and you talk the talk because of what Christ has done in your life. They need to know that your motivation and the reason you do what you do is because of what you believe. Why? It’s because of the next part.
“… so they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.” They are the people around you. They’re your co-workers. They’re your kids. They’re your family members. And they see the reason you do what you do is because of what you believe. And because of that you can bring people to Christ. Just by your actions. Because then they want to know what is it that’s different about you? You’ve earned the right to be heard because of your lifestyle.
Colossians 3:17 says “Whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus.” So here’s the million dollar question this morning. Is your workplace a better place, a happier place because people know that you’re a believer?
God has got you in your workplace for a reason. That reason is to reach the people around you.
Let’s look at the next level…
Necessity and prosperity are the financial motivations. Then we have identity and maturity and credibility as spiritual motivations. Now we come to the highest motivation for work…
6. Generosity.
We’ve had identity, maturity, credibility, now generosity. What does that mean? It means I work to give to others. That I actually work not for my benefit but I work in order to give to others. The Bible says this in Ephesians 4 “We must work doing something useful with our own hands that we may have something to share with those in need.” At this level of work I'm not working for necessity any more. I'm not working for prosperity any more. I'm working to help other people for their benefit. I like the Message paraphrase of this verse “Get an honest job so you can help others who can’t work.”
God says I want you to learn to be generous. A lot of people think they’re generous but they’re not. A lot of people when it comes to giving they stop at nothing! In fact, the only thing they’re generous with is their criticism. And they’re quite generous with that. But it is a good question, Why should I keep working once I have enough. Really, that’s a good question to ask. Why should I keep on working if I’ve got enough?
Very few people have ever considered the fact that maybe God would have you keep working so that you could help other people in need. So you could use that money for kingdom purposes. So you could use that to further God’s agenda in the world.
Andrew Carnegie used to say, “Do your givin’ while you’re livin’ then you’ll be knowin’ where it’s goin’.” Don’t say I'm going to give it all away when I die. No. Give it away now and enjoy watching it being used. That’s where the joy comes from. If you want to be a leader you’re going to have to set the example. This is higher level of work.
Paul was a great example in this area. Acts 20 he says this “I’ve been a constant example of how you can help the poor by working hard, and then remembering the words of the Lord Jesus ‘ it is more blessed to give than to receive’.” In other words there’s more happiness in giving than in receiving.
Because the only antidote to materialism is giving. You may say that you’re not materialistic but the only antidote for materialism is giving. Materialism is getting. Every time I give it breaks the grip of materialism in my life. It’s just not that important. Every time I give my heart grows bigger. Every time I give I become more like Jesus Christ who was the most generous person in the world.
The Bible says this in Luke 12 “Much is required from those to whom much is given.” And you know who that includes? You. Because you by very nature of living in America are one to whom much is given. The poorest of the poor in America are richer than everybody else. We just don't understand how blessed, how prosperous we really are as Americans.
So God is going to hold you more accountable for your job and what you do with what you’ve been given – your time, your money, your freedom, than other people around the world because you are an American. You got blessed in a way that you had nothing to do with it. It was simply God’s grace.
Proverbs 12:20 says this “Those who work for good will find happiness.” If you want to be happy? Use your time, your money, your energy, your effort, use it for good. And for God. Not for selfish reasons. Use it for good. And it says those who work for good will be happy.
Yeah, you can work for necessity, in other words to say alive. You can work for prosperity, to get rich. Those are legitimate motivations. But they are so low on the totem pole. God says, Work for identity, express your Shape. Work for maturity, to grow in character. Work for credibility, as a platform to share God’s love. Work for generosity, to give to others.
Have you had the wrong idea about work? There is so much more to God’s purpose for your work. Are you ready to step up to a higher level?
Toby Keith has a song that goes like this, “Yeah, the big boss man he likes to crack that whip. I ain’t nothing but a number on his time card slip. I give him forty hours and a piece of my soul and he puts me at the bottom of his totem pole.
A lot of people feel like nobodies at work. Yet work dominates our lives. It defines our lives. It determines where we live, who we’re going to have as friends, what we do with our lives, how we spend our time. So today as we start this series I want to begin with this question: Why? Why work? Why go to work?
That’s not exactly a new question. It was asked over three thousand years ago by the wisest man who ever lived. His name was Solomon. In the book of Ecclesiastes he says this “What do people really get for all their hard work?” In other words what am I really getting? You spend your life working and laboring. What do you have to show for it? Especially here in America where the government will pay you for not working. If you can pick up welfare checks why not just stay in bed and cash the checks. Why? Why work?
You may say, “I work because I have bills to pay. I owe, I owe, so it’s off to work I go.” You say, “I'm working so I can retire.” Think about that idea. Isn’t it kind of dumb to spend your entire life doing something you don’t want to do so that at the end you don’t have to do it? Is that really the way I want to spend my life? There’s got to be a better reason than I’m just here to pay my bills or I just want to retire.
There is! In fact the Bible gives us six motivations for work. Two of them are financial and four of them are spiritual. Today we’re going to look at all six of those motivations.
We’re going to start with the lowest one, the least important and work our way up to the highest level of motivation. The first reason we work is the most
obvious one.
1. It’s out of necessity.
I work to meet my needs. That’s why I work. So it’s necessity. This is the most obvious. It’s the basic reason why we work. We work to stay alive. Proverbs 12:11 says “The one who stays on the job has food on the table.” Proverbs 16:26 “Appetite is an incentive to work.” I agree with that, how about you? Hunger makes you work all the harder.
This is just the basic level. It’s the survival level. It’s the lowest motivation for why it is that we work. The fact is today there’s a lot of people who don’t have any motivation to work. They don’t want to. They’re lazy. They expect other people to take care of them. They feel that the government should support them. Wherever there’s freedom there’s going to be freeloaders.
God has few things to say about that. but we’ll just look at 1 example.
The apostle Paul set a wonderful example for us. 2 Thessalonians 3:7-8 “We were not idle when we were with you. On the contrary we worked night and day laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you.” No one could accuse Paul of being a freeloader. He wasn’t a parasite. He was self-sufficient. He was like the song, “He worked hard for his money.” He didn’t depend on handouts from other people. So the most basic motivation for work is out of necessity.
Let’s take a look at the next level.
2. The second level is Prosperity.
This is when I'm not working out of necessity, just because I want to stay alive. But I'm working out of prosperity and that is I want to succeed financially. This is a legitimate motivation for work. It’s just not the most important one. The second reason is prosperity. I want to make some money. I want to develop wealth.
You need to realize that God is not opposed to wealth. He’s not. Some of the wealthiest people in the Bible were the most godly people. Some of the heroes in the Bible were extremely wealthy. Abraham was a very wealthy man. Job was the wealthiest man in the world during his day. So was Solomon. Solomon was the wealthiest man in the world during his day. David was wealthy. Joseph of Arimathea was wealthy. Lydia was wealthy. So being wealthy and being close to God are not contradictory.
What God is interested in is how you get it (in other words do you get it honestly), how you spend it (do you spend it wisely), how you share it (do you share it generously) and He’s saying when you are getting wealth it’s ok as long as there’s certain perimeters. So God says as you become prosperous and that by the way, includes everyone in this room. Because by the world’s standard you are prosperous. The poorest person in America is wealthy to the rest of the world. If you have any change in your pocket you are wealthier than 95% of the people in the world. They don't walk around with money in their pocket.
Jesus talked a lot about wealth. Over half of the parables that Jesus told are actually about money. Jesus talked more about money than He did either heaven or hell. Some of those parables are actually about investments. Jesus praises the servants who get a good return on their investments. He said good job. You doubled your money, you tripled your money, you did a good job. So it was ok to make investments and triple investments. He says you’re a good servant. Well done.
The Bible is literally filled with advice and principles on both work and succeeding at work, succeeding in your business and making money and saving money and investing money. In fact there’s one particular book in the Bible that has a lot about money and about work. It’s called the book of Proverbs. Proverbs has tons of advice, literally tons of advice about work and about money. Here are a few…
Proverbs 21 “Steady plodding brings prosperity. Hasty speculation [that means the lottery] brings poverty.”
Proverbs 23 “Get the facts at any price.” A lot of people lose both their work and their money because they don't have the facts.
Proverbs 27 “Watch your business interest closely. Know the state of your flocks and herds.” That’s the principle of accounting. That’s a budget. A budget is telling your money where you want it to go rather than wondering where it went.
Proverbs 16:3 “Commit your work to the Lord and then it will succeed.” You want to be a success at work? The Bible says commit your work to the Lord.
“Lazy people want much but get little but those who work hard will prosper and be satisfied.” Proverbs 13:4
All of these verses are just a few examples of verses that are in Proverbs. Here’s my suggestion. This series, “God @ Work,” it’s going to be one month long. It just so happens that the book of Proverbs is 31 chapters long. So here’s what I want you to do, here’s your homework. I want you to read one chapter of Proverbs every day during the next month. While we go through this series on God’s purposes for your work I want you to read one chapter a day and you’ll get through the book of Proverbs by the end of the month. I want you to take a highlighter or a pen, get a modern translation of the Bible – New Living Translation, the Message paraphrase – and I want you to highlight each day the verses that speak to you about your work and your money. You’re going to be amazed about how much you learn in the next thirty-one days. Just highlight the verses that speak to you. “I could use this at work,” or “I could use this in managing my money.” Highlight it!
Proverbs 13:4 “Lazy people want much but get little. But those who work hard will prosper and be satisfied.” God wants you to prosper at work. And God wants you to be satisfied at work. I do too. I want you to be prosperous and I want you to be fulfilled. I'm going to give you a two-day seminar in about thirty seconds. There are five things God wants you to do with your prosperity. Five things God wants you to do with what He blesses you with. If you do these five things He will bless you with more. God is seeing if we are trustworthy.
1. Make money honestly. God says I'm not going to bless it if you’re out there ripping people off, selling an inferior product, you’re cheating people. Make money honestly.
2. The second thing He says if you want My blessing in your life, tithe it regularly. That means I give the first part of it back to God. Why do I give it back to God? I give the first ten percent back to God. Why? First I'm grateful for what He’s given me. If it wasn’t for Him I wouldn’t have anything. Second, it’s my priority in the present. You’re first. You get the first part. And third, it’s faith about the future. I trust You to bless me in the future.
So I make it honestly and I tithe it regularly.
3. Save it faithfully. The Bible has a lot to say about savings and investments. You will be amazed as you read through Proverbs what you learn about saving and investing your money.
4. Spend it wisely. That means you have to have some kind of budget. You’re not just doing impulse buying. So you have a plan. You spend it wisely.
5. Share it generously. God is watching to see how you do all five of these things to see, Can He trust you with more. Are you faithful with what you’ve got?
Proverbs 13:11
“Wealth from get rich quick schemes quickly disappears... [That means easy come, easy go. You make it quickly you can loose it real quickly. So He says it’s easy come, easy go. Wealth from get rich quick schemes quickly disappears.] …But wealth from hard work grows.” So this is the second motivation for work. First, necessity. I want to stay alive. I want to be able to eat. Second, for prosperity. That’s the motivation of wealth. There’s no problem with that. It’s just not the most important.
Now we’re going to move up to a little higher level of motivation for work.
The third reason for work is…
3. Identity
I work to express my God given shape. God has wired all of us uniquely to do something different on this planet. We’re all wired different so that everything can get done. Some are wired to be musicians. Some are great with numbers. We’re wired to be accountants. Some of us are great at taking complex things and making them simple. We’re wired to be teachers.
Here at FOCUS* we call this your shape. If you’ve been around for any length of time you’ve heard that term. Discovering your Design. These principles apply to work, Discovering your shape for work.
So what is shape? It’s actually an acrostic. Shape.
S – Spiritual gifts. Those are the things when you become a believer that God gives you, that He wants you to use in ministry and for Him.
H – Heart. What are you passionate about, what gets you up in the morning? What’s your drive?
A – Abilities. Your God given talents. The skills that you’ve developed over the years that you can share with others.
P – your Personality. You are unique. There is no one else like you. God wants to use your personality to effect other people’s lives for the good.
E – Experiences. All of us have experiences in our lives that we can use to help other people.
So how do you know if you’re working in your shape? There’s two questions that you can ask yourself, and you may want to write these down, to know if you’re working and where your working is going to fit your shape.
1. Are you successful at what you’re doing? That’s the first question to know if you’re working in your shape.
2. Are you satisfied in what you’re doing?
If you can answer yes to both of those questions – yes I m successful at what I'm doing and yes I am satisfied then there’s a really good chance that you’re in your shape at work.
Galatians 6:4 “Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.” Doing the work that you’re shaped for gives you dignity. There’s legitimate honor and pride in doing a job that’s well done. We’re all shaped different ways. We’re all shaped to serve God and we all have different shapes for work. There’s been studies and research done that’s proved that the happiest people in their jobs are doing something they believe is: one, worthwhile; two, meaningful to them, and three, it’s larger than they are.
One of the reasons that a lot of people hate their job and they’re miserable every Monday morning doesn’t have to do with their co-workers but it’s because they’re in a job that doesn’t fit their shape. They’re in a job for all the wrong reasons. They’re in it for the money because they want to the bigger house or they want the boat or the bigger boat. Or they want the second house.
Making money is almost the bottom of the barrel of motivation. The higher motivation is identity. Doing something that you love.
Some people think that the goal of life is just to do nothing. But Proverbs 12:27 says, “A lazy life is an empty life, but “early to rise” gets the job done.” The fact is that we get a lot of our identity from our work. After you meet someone for the first time and you introduce yourself what is typically the next question you ask? What do you do? What do you do for a living? It’s a great question because it gives us a good picture, a snapshot of who they are. It’s not the totality of who they are and where they work. But it does give us a glimpse, an insight into who this person might be.
The truth is there is honor and dignity that results from legitimate work. There is no work that is undignified…unless you’re going to be like a hit man or something else like that. We’re not talking about that. But legitimate work is not undignified.
Proverbs 12:14 says, “Well done work has its own reward.” The fact is that God has built in certain emotional rewards in each of us that only comes from work. The self respect and self esteem that we get from doing a job well done, the feeling of knowing the accomplishments we’ve done when we gave it our best shot.
I’ll never forget my first job.” - mowing lawns - It helped build self-respect and self-esteem in me. There is dignity in work itself.
The most important thing is this, find work that expresses you. Find work that expresses your shape. If you’re great at closing in business that’s your gift, then be a closer. If you’re great at teaching and you love it and that’s what gets you up in the morning. You can stay in there all day and teach, then be a teacher. If you’re great with numbers, then be an accountant. Be a stockbroker. Do what it is you’re shaped to do. Fulfilling your shape is far more important than making money. It’s the higher motivation.
The fourth reason for work is…
4. Maturity
What I mean by that is I work to develop my character. Work is a school for character development. God is far more interested in what you are than what you do. Think about it like this: you’re not taking your career to heaven but you are taking your character. God is more interested in what you are. We’re human beings not human doings. A lot of things you could do in life but what God’s more interested in is what you’re becoming while you do it. So the fourth purpose of work at a much higher level than simply necessity or prosperity is maturity. What is it doing to you? How is it changing you?
The number one way that God grows your character is through your family, through your marriage. Marriage is the school in learning to be unselfish. Have you figured that one out? You can’t stay selfish in a marriage and hold it together. You have to learn a thing called compromise and if you have kids you really have to learn compromise. You can’t just get your way all the time any more. Marriage, the goal isn’t just to make you happy. It’s to make you holy, which in the long run is going to make you happy. Happiness is not always getting your way. Happiness is learning to be mature.
The second way that God builds your character right after marriage and family is your work. He uses your job as a testing ground.
A good example of this is Joseph. Joseph was a guy in the Bible who had this dream of being a great leader and everything in his life went wrong. He was sold into slavery. If he later, after forty years, if he’d made his resume it’d be this. “I was betrayed by my brothers, I was sold into slavery, I was the housekeeper in a house, I was a slave, then I was an assistant in a prison. By the way, I was a prisoner while I was there.” Not a very good resume for being a leader of a major country. What was going on? Had God forgotten the dream? No, the Bible says this in Psalm 105 “Until the time came to fulfill His word the Lord tested Joseph's character.”
God has a dream for your life. But before that dream comes true or if it even does come true, God’s going to test your character to see if you can handle it. If you don’t pass the test the dream isn’t going to happen. Because God is more interested in your character. As I said, He’s more interested in what you’re becoming than what you’re doing.
Remember work is God’s idea. He thought it up. There was work in the Garden of Eden to do. There was work in paradise. It wasn’t just leisure. There were things to do.
In fact in Genesis 2:15 here’s the first job “God put the man in the Garden of Eden to care for it and work it.” Contrary to popular legend the oldest profession is landscaping. It’s gardening. It’s not something else you may have thought. But the first job was take care of the garden.
The Bible says this in Colossians 1 “Live the kind of life that honors and pleases the Lord in every way. You will produce fruit in every good work and grow in the knowledge of God.” God says I want you to grow through your work.
A few character qualities you might develop while you’re at work. Could any of you ever have the opportunity this week at work to work on patience? How about flexibility? How about cheerfulness? This is hard in some offices. Being cheerful. I could go on down the list – forgiveness, fairness, persistence. The list could go on and on. You can work on integrity at work. You can work on humility at work. You can work on dependability, on loyalty, contentment, honesty, on and on. That boss or that co-worker that you just can’t stand God is trying to teach you some things through that boss.
Here’s the point. While you’re working on your job, God is working on you. What God is doing in you is more important than what you’re doing. God is working on you while you’re working on the job.
The fifth reason for work is…
5. Credibility
Why do I need credibility at work? It’s to impact others. Our work is our witness. It demonstrates what we believe. It’s a testimony. It’s our testimony.
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 says “Take care of your own business, and do your own work… if you do, then people who are not believers will respect you.” This is the fifth motivation in the Bible. It’s an example to unbelievers. It’s a testimony. It’s the fact that actions speak louder than words and God wants audiovisual Christians. Maybe the people at your work would be more open to the good news of Jesus, be open to become a Christian if you just be quiet about it. Stop being vocal about it and just live it out. Then they’d say, What’s different about this person? What is it? What is it about them? Here’s the key – this is so important to reaching people who don’t know Christ. Before your co-workers want to know that the Bible is credible, they want to know if you are. They want to know if you’re credible. Whether you like it or not, or whether I like it, we’re being watched. Especially if they know we’re Christians.
People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.
ex. of pepsi
They want to see that you’re the real deal. There are so many fakes out there. There are so many things that are vying for their attention and saying, this is where you can find help. They want to know the real deal. They want to know that you and I are who we say we are. Your witness has to be backed up by your work. If you’re slacking on the job, if you’re having a bad attitude, if you’re constantly showing up late, or leaving early, if you’re playing solitaire on your computer instead of working, or stealing paper clips. Whatever it is you’re doing that’s making your witness ineffective, stop! Because God wants us to be a light in the dark places of people’s lives.
Matthew 5:16 says “Your light must shine before people so they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.” Circle ‘your light must shine” and then circle the word “they.” What’s this verse talking about? What is the light? You are. You’re the light. You’re the testimony. Your co-workers, if they know you follow Christ, they know what motivates you to do what it is you do. You walk the walk and you talk the talk because of what Christ has done in your life. They need to know that your motivation and the reason you do what you do is because of what you believe. Why? It’s because of the next part.
“… so they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.” They are the people around you. They’re your co-workers. They’re your kids. They’re your family members. And they see the reason you do what you do is because of what you believe. And because of that you can bring people to Christ. Just by your actions. Because then they want to know what is it that’s different about you? You’ve earned the right to be heard because of your lifestyle.
Colossians 3:17 says “Whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus.” So here’s the million dollar question this morning. Is your workplace a better place, a happier place because people know that you’re a believer?
God has got you in your workplace for a reason. That reason is to reach the people around you.
Let’s look at the next level…
Necessity and prosperity are the financial motivations. Then we have identity and maturity and credibility as spiritual motivations. Now we come to the highest motivation for work…
6. Generosity.
We’ve had identity, maturity, credibility, now generosity. What does that mean? It means I work to give to others. That I actually work not for my benefit but I work in order to give to others. The Bible says this in Ephesians 4 “We must work doing something useful with our own hands that we may have something to share with those in need.” At this level of work I'm not working for necessity any more. I'm not working for prosperity any more. I'm working to help other people for their benefit. I like the Message paraphrase of this verse “Get an honest job so you can help others who can’t work.”
God says I want you to learn to be generous. A lot of people think they’re generous but they’re not. A lot of people when it comes to giving they stop at nothing! In fact, the only thing they’re generous with is their criticism. And they’re quite generous with that. But it is a good question, Why should I keep working once I have enough. Really, that’s a good question to ask. Why should I keep on working if I’ve got enough?
Very few people have ever considered the fact that maybe God would have you keep working so that you could help other people in need. So you could use that money for kingdom purposes. So you could use that to further God’s agenda in the world.
Andrew Carnegie used to say, “Do your givin’ while you’re livin’ then you’ll be knowin’ where it’s goin’.” Don’t say I'm going to give it all away when I die. No. Give it away now and enjoy watching it being used. That’s where the joy comes from. If you want to be a leader you’re going to have to set the example. This is higher level of work.
Paul was a great example in this area. Acts 20 he says this “I’ve been a constant example of how you can help the poor by working hard, and then remembering the words of the Lord Jesus ‘ it is more blessed to give than to receive’.” In other words there’s more happiness in giving than in receiving.
Because the only antidote to materialism is giving. You may say that you’re not materialistic but the only antidote for materialism is giving. Materialism is getting. Every time I give it breaks the grip of materialism in my life. It’s just not that important. Every time I give my heart grows bigger. Every time I give I become more like Jesus Christ who was the most generous person in the world.
The Bible says this in Luke 12 “Much is required from those to whom much is given.” And you know who that includes? You. Because you by very nature of living in America are one to whom much is given. The poorest of the poor in America are richer than everybody else. We just don't understand how blessed, how prosperous we really are as Americans.
So God is going to hold you more accountable for your job and what you do with what you’ve been given – your time, your money, your freedom, than other people around the world because you are an American. You got blessed in a way that you had nothing to do with it. It was simply God’s grace.
Proverbs 12:20 says this “Those who work for good will find happiness.” If you want to be happy? Use your time, your money, your energy, your effort, use it for good. And for God. Not for selfish reasons. Use it for good. And it says those who work for good will be happy.
Yeah, you can work for necessity, in other words to say alive. You can work for prosperity, to get rich. Those are legitimate motivations. But they are so low on the totem pole. God says, Work for identity, express your Shape. Work for maturity, to grow in character. Work for credibility, as a platform to share God’s love. Work for generosity, to give to others.
Have you had the wrong idea about work? There is so much more to God’s purpose for your work. Are you ready to step up to a higher level?
Sunday, September 09, 2007
PARENTHOOD - Unchanging Principles of Parenting by Cathleen Parks
Welcome to week number two of the series called Parenthood. Today, we are going to study what we call the unchanging principles of parenting. We are going to look at three principles that never change in all of our relationships, especially parenting because quite honestly, there are many, many things that do change especially in our philosophies of parenting. For example,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Things change in your philosophy in parenting.
Today, though, we are going to look at an encounter that Jesus had with some children, and in it, we see the three unchanging principles, really, of all relationships. Let’s look at scripture. Mark 10:13 and following, here’s what the Bible says. READ People were bringing little children to Jesus to have Him do what? Would you say these next five words with me? “To have Jesus touch them,” but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, He was indignant. He said, ‘Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.’ He said, ‘I tell you the truth. If anyone will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child, he will never enter it.’ “ Verse 16, “And he took the children in his arms. He put his hands on them and he blessed them.” In that one little story showing Jesus encountering little children, we see the three unchanging principles of great relationships.
The first one, so important. If you are taking notes, number one is loving touch.
Loving touch communicates a rich sense of unconditional love and acceptance. Verse 13, people were bringing their little children to Jesus to have them do what? Say it again, to have Him touch them. Now, why were they bringing the children to Jesus to have Him touch them? Because there is power in loving touch. There is power. Now unfortunately I think a lot of people have this freaked out image of what the touch of Jesus looked like. I think I probably watched too much of the bad preaching channel where there would be a line of people and the preachers would take their hands and put them on the people’s foreheads and say, “Be healed in Jesus’ name,” and their hair would be everywhere. And so, I imagined all these little kids in front of Jesus standing up with His hands coming down on their heads saying, “Be healed in the name of the Father, and in the name of Me, and in the name of the Holy Ghost,” you know, or something like that. But in all reality, His touch was very likely incredibly different. How do we know this? Look at what Jesus actually said, “Let the little children come to me” Notice he didn’t say ‘bring them to me....he said let them come to me - I don’t know about your experience but I know that from my experience children don’t just GO to someone they aren’t comfortable with. MALL STORY So when Jesus touched the little children, it was very likely He was someone they felt comfortable with. Maybe he was kicked back, sitting on a rock, arms extended and they just came running up to Him and He would embrace them. He would hold them, maybe snuggle with them and speak just awesome words of encouragement to them. It was very, very relational. Now, why is this so important? Well, I’ll tell you something I remember learning in Child Development classes - years ago that helps to illustrate it. In the Thirteenth Century, there was this unusual king named King Frederick, II, that tried this just off-the-wall experiment. He was curious, what language would a child speak if that child was never, ever spoken to from the time he or she was born? Weird idea, but he wanted to find out what language would the child speak and so he had fifty babies brought into his laboratory of experiment and he had some ladies agree to take care of these fifty little infants, but the only agreement was, they were not allowed to speak ever to these babies. They were not allowed to show affection or emotion. They could just feed the baby, change the diapers … no googagaga. No oollaala. Nothing affectionate toward the babies. Well, the experiment failed. Can you guess why? Because all fifty babies within a year died. Now, why did they die? Not because they were lacking physical nourishment, but most would argue because they were lacking emotional and relational nourishment. They didn’t have the touch that was so important to them.
There are those that would say they are very touchy feely. And there are those that would say - no way - not me - I just don’t feel comfortable when people touch me. I’m kinda in between. Joe is much more touchy feely than I am. It’s always interesting to watch Joe move through a room because he just cracks me up. He doesn’t just hug you - he envelopes you. As he walks through a room you can see if other people are big touchers by how they respond to him. Some will do the obligatory hug - pat - pat - release and some will do the full hug - hold on - ask a question - listen intently for the answer - order a pizza - hang out a bit hug. I know alot of Pastors who would define themselves as not real touchy. But many of them will tell you they’ve prayed for the Spirit of God to do a divine work in their lives so that they can express themselves comfortably in the area of touch. Many will tell you that it’s when they started to have kids that they began to see/experience touch very differently. All of a sudden these individuals who didn’t want to hug unless it was absolutely necessary, now find themselves enjoying a nice cuddle on the couch with their son/daughter, or wanting to hold on just a little longer before bedtime, or feel the need to plop that cutie in their lap and never let go the first time someone hurts their feelings. My girls used to tell me, “Mommy, it didn’t hurt my body, it hurt my heart.” Now tell me that doesn’t just pull at your heart strings? So what made the difference for these people who were not the touchy feely type but now find that they are? Often times it was the difference in the ‘touch’ experience - touch, by the work of God changing a heart, shifting emotions, or maybe even healing past hurts has become instead of an uncomfortable experience, can become a loving, expressive part of a relationship. God really desires to work in peoples hearts. Especially when it comes to our children. So all that said, you really can’t use the ‘I’m just not a touchy feely person’ excuse when it comes to your kids. They need your loving touch. So if this is an area you struggle in pray about it, learn it how to be more physically loving with your kids. What do they say? Practice makes perfect. Just do it because it is so important in their lives.
Let me look at scripture, we’ll look together at a verse talking about Jesus in touch. Matthew 6:56, check this out, speaking of Jesus, “And whenever he went into villages, towns, or countryside, they placed the sick in the marketplaces, they begged him to let them touch him, even the edge of his clothes and all who,” say it out loud, “And all who,” what? “Touched him were,” what? “They were healed.” Now check this out. I did a word study on the word touched in the New International Version, and the word touched appears in the Gospels twenty times in regard to Jesus. And every single time the word touched appears in reference to Jesus, it always is in regards to healing. There’s power in loving and appropriate touch. Check this out, did you know that during their pre-teen years, a girls need for loving and appropriate touch increases. But dads, often get a little freaked out because their little girls bodies are becoming woman-like and they do this funky stuff like get their first bra and start experiencing different emotions and behaving in ways that they might not even understand, stuff like that. During all of this, a daughters needs continue to increase, but unfortunately at the same time dads level of comfort often decreases. Dads, let me say this to you.....it’s during this time that is probably most strange for you that your daughters need for loving, appropriate touch most increases and you must be fully engaged in loving touch. If just hearing this information isn’t enough to convince you then maybe this little fact will.... loving touch is the most important thing you can do for your daughter to deter sexual sin, because if she does not feel the love of an appropriate physical relationship with you, statistics tell us she is much more likely to seek out loving touch from others and you and I both know that touch is not necessarily going to be appropriate touch. When they learn to be touched appropriately by a loving and Godly person, they’ll learn to say no to inappropriate touch from an ungodly person. Another little piece of information that we need to discover is that little girls are often touched in a loving way five times as often as boys, and yet the boys’ needs are equal to girls. So a lot of times, you know, when a boy is two, whatever, they’ll be all huggy, lovey with their parents. When the boy turns seven or eight, their needs don’t change, but oftentimes they’ll start to get that, “Urhgh, that’s not cool.” kinda attitude and what we have to do as parents is, we have to be creative and make sure we are still engaged. For instance, eight- to ten-year-old boys, rather than a lot of hugs and kisses and things like that that’s not cool to a ten-year-old boy, what is cool? Secret handshakes, pats on the back, pats on the bottom - it’s a boy thing. Wrestling with them, being engaged in that kind of touch. You can do it. Okay? Loving touch - point one… let’s move on to point number two.
The second unchanging principle of parenting is abundant time,
lots and lots and lots of time and then more time. You know you’ve heard the saying “How do kids spell love?” and they said, “Kids spell love t-i-m-e.” Abundant time. Look at what Jesus does, verse 13. People are bringing little children to Jesus to have Him touch them, but the disciples rebuke them. In other words they were communicating that Jesus is just too busy. He is too important. He’s got dead people to cause to live again. He’s got blind eyes to open up, don’t bother Him with children.” But Jesus was not happy about that. Verse 14, “When Jesus saw this, he was indignant.” Now, the Greek word that is translated indignant, it could be translated as PO'd! Indignant is a soft translation. He was not happy. He said to them, “No, no, no. Let them come on. Bring them on. Let the little children come to Me. Forbid them not.”
I have a question for you, how many of you are Nascar racing fans? I gotta tell you the truth...a Nascar fan I am not. I know there’s a lot to it, but it’s just, you don’t see it at first. I’ll tell you, though, what is fascinating to me is the pit stop crew. I mean, you’ve go to admit that. Seven people in this little place and a car comes zoom, zoom, zoom. And a good pit stop will last twelve to fifteen seconds. They like, change the tires, put gas in, do an oil change, check the car, clean off the windshields, eat a Happy Meal, all this stuff in like fifteen seconds. Zoop, zoom, they’re out again, fascinating. I would argue today that many parents are doing what I would call pit stop parenting. It’s parenting in twelve to fifteen second spurts. Kid comes in. “How was your day?” “Great.” “Did you do your homework?” “Great.” “Did you wear clean underwear?” “Great.” “Don’t eat yellow snow and don’t have sex until you are married. Good night. I love you.” Zoomp. I mean, right? It’s pit stop parenting. “ Okay, get in the back of the minivan. We gotta go.” “What are we having for dinner, mom?” “I don’t know. Find a French Fry under the seat. We gotta go.” Driving by, “There’s dad. Wave at him.” “Da-a-d!” Who-o-m and you’re gone.
Now, obviously, I am exaggerating for a point because the truth is, we as parents spend much more than twelve to fifteen seconds engaged with our children. According to one article parents are much more generous than 10-15 seconds. This article states that the average parent spends thirty-seven seconds a day engaged in meaningful conversation with their children. I’m not talking about the the required conversation of homework, dinner, have you brushed your teeth yet - I’m talking about meaningful conversation. Thirty-seven seconds a day. ‘How?’ you say. Because the regular needs and requirements of the day just absorb us, don’t they? We’ve all had those days where we getto the end, we lay our heads on our pillow and we think...I was running all day but I feel like I didn’t get thing done. Life just happens. So reality says that if you are not careful, you can easily find the opportunity to us the excuse , “I just didn’t have time today to read that book, play that game, or play tickle monster with my kids.” But if were not careful - today becomes this week and this week become a lifetime and all of a sudden these precious gifts that God in his greatness has blessed us with are off to college or unpacking their first apartment. Let me just tell you right now, we can all come up with an excuse but there is no valid excuse for not spending time with our kids. You say, “I don’t have time.” No, you have time for what you choose to have time for. Period. Period. But you are a good person and you really care, and so in your heart you say, “Well, I’m going to, but just in a little while.” Okay? First, I have to get some things done. You say, “First, I have to .......an the possible ways to end this sentence are endless. It could be as long term as get a better job so I have to pay my dues..or as short term as get the laundry done so right now I’m just too busy. Let me tell you right now, if you don’t decide to do it now, you are not likely to do it. You have time to choose what you have time for. Thought number one is that we will express love with loving touch. Number two with abundant time, and number three, we want to be characterized by encouraging talk. By encouraging talk. Look at what Jesus said to these kiddo’s, verse 16, “And he took the children in his arms, he put his hands on them,” and he did what? Say it out loud, “And he blessed them.” I love that. I wonder what He said. Whatever He said, it was a blessing. He encouraged them. He lifted them up with His words. He didn’t say, “Hey, stop that! Hey, cut that out! Hey, stop touching your brother. Hey, stop hitting back there. Hey, I wish you’d be more like your sister.” He didn’t say, “Get over.” He didn’t say, “One, two, two and-a-half.” He blessed them, encouraged them. One of the most important things that we can do for our children is to speak words of life, rather than the words of death. Watch the words that you speak. Ask yourself if you are characterized more by catching them doing something wrong, always telling them what they weren’t or what they could be doing better rather than catching them doing something right. “Well done. Man, I’m so proud of you. Oh, you knocked them out of the park today! You’re the most awesome of all time.” When you call your child’s name what do they expect to follow? If your child automatically prepares for what you are about to say when you call their name - you have a problem. You have established a pattern of verbal interaction that in negative. If that’s the case - don’t beat yourself up - but get to work! You have a job to do. You must decided in your heart to be characterized by encouraging words. Practice saying them. Prepare for them - think of which words of encouragement would must influence each of your children and be genuine when you speak them. Look for opportunities and then pay attention to yourself - if you hear yourself speak a negative, purpose to speak 3 positives to counter-balance the negative. One of the most revealing movie quotes I ever heard was in Pretty Woman. (tell about scene)
Parents, we’ve got one chance. Time, talk, and touch … Take advantage of each moment you can because life goes by so fast. James 4:14 says What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. The last 12 years have experienced that mist. I held a baby in my arms and I took a mental picture of that moment and then I blinked and she was a little toddler walking across my living room floor, and I took a mental picture and I blinked again, and when I opened my eyes, I was releasing her to ride a bicycle without training wheels off down the driveway for the very first time. And I took a mental picture of that, and then blinked, and soon enough I’ll open my eyes, that child will no longer be riding off in a bike but driving off in an automobile and I’m sure I will learn to pray like you I’ve never prayed in my whole life. And then I’ll blink, and when I open up my eyes, that child will be driving off to college, or to get married, or to start a life on her own. And don’t allow yourself for a minute to think I am being over dramatic - let me read that scripture on more time....What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Touch, time, talk - let’s take every opportunity to invest in them while we can.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Things change in your philosophy in parenting.
Today, though, we are going to look at an encounter that Jesus had with some children, and in it, we see the three unchanging principles, really, of all relationships. Let’s look at scripture. Mark 10:13 and following, here’s what the Bible says. READ People were bringing little children to Jesus to have Him do what? Would you say these next five words with me? “To have Jesus touch them,” but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, He was indignant. He said, ‘Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.’ He said, ‘I tell you the truth. If anyone will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child, he will never enter it.’ “ Verse 16, “And he took the children in his arms. He put his hands on them and he blessed them.” In that one little story showing Jesus encountering little children, we see the three unchanging principles of great relationships.
The first one, so important. If you are taking notes, number one is loving touch.
Loving touch communicates a rich sense of unconditional love and acceptance. Verse 13, people were bringing their little children to Jesus to have them do what? Say it again, to have Him touch them. Now, why were they bringing the children to Jesus to have Him touch them? Because there is power in loving touch. There is power. Now unfortunately I think a lot of people have this freaked out image of what the touch of Jesus looked like. I think I probably watched too much of the bad preaching channel where there would be a line of people and the preachers would take their hands and put them on the people’s foreheads and say, “Be healed in Jesus’ name,” and their hair would be everywhere. And so, I imagined all these little kids in front of Jesus standing up with His hands coming down on their heads saying, “Be healed in the name of the Father, and in the name of Me, and in the name of the Holy Ghost,” you know, or something like that. But in all reality, His touch was very likely incredibly different. How do we know this? Look at what Jesus actually said, “Let the little children come to me” Notice he didn’t say ‘bring them to me....he said let them come to me - I don’t know about your experience but I know that from my experience children don’t just GO to someone they aren’t comfortable with. MALL STORY So when Jesus touched the little children, it was very likely He was someone they felt comfortable with. Maybe he was kicked back, sitting on a rock, arms extended and they just came running up to Him and He would embrace them. He would hold them, maybe snuggle with them and speak just awesome words of encouragement to them. It was very, very relational. Now, why is this so important? Well, I’ll tell you something I remember learning in Child Development classes - years ago that helps to illustrate it. In the Thirteenth Century, there was this unusual king named King Frederick, II, that tried this just off-the-wall experiment. He was curious, what language would a child speak if that child was never, ever spoken to from the time he or she was born? Weird idea, but he wanted to find out what language would the child speak and so he had fifty babies brought into his laboratory of experiment and he had some ladies agree to take care of these fifty little infants, but the only agreement was, they were not allowed to speak ever to these babies. They were not allowed to show affection or emotion. They could just feed the baby, change the diapers … no googagaga. No oollaala. Nothing affectionate toward the babies. Well, the experiment failed. Can you guess why? Because all fifty babies within a year died. Now, why did they die? Not because they were lacking physical nourishment, but most would argue because they were lacking emotional and relational nourishment. They didn’t have the touch that was so important to them.
There are those that would say they are very touchy feely. And there are those that would say - no way - not me - I just don’t feel comfortable when people touch me. I’m kinda in between. Joe is much more touchy feely than I am. It’s always interesting to watch Joe move through a room because he just cracks me up. He doesn’t just hug you - he envelopes you. As he walks through a room you can see if other people are big touchers by how they respond to him. Some will do the obligatory hug - pat - pat - release and some will do the full hug - hold on - ask a question - listen intently for the answer - order a pizza - hang out a bit hug. I know alot of Pastors who would define themselves as not real touchy. But many of them will tell you they’ve prayed for the Spirit of God to do a divine work in their lives so that they can express themselves comfortably in the area of touch. Many will tell you that it’s when they started to have kids that they began to see/experience touch very differently. All of a sudden these individuals who didn’t want to hug unless it was absolutely necessary, now find themselves enjoying a nice cuddle on the couch with their son/daughter, or wanting to hold on just a little longer before bedtime, or feel the need to plop that cutie in their lap and never let go the first time someone hurts their feelings. My girls used to tell me, “Mommy, it didn’t hurt my body, it hurt my heart.” Now tell me that doesn’t just pull at your heart strings? So what made the difference for these people who were not the touchy feely type but now find that they are? Often times it was the difference in the ‘touch’ experience - touch, by the work of God changing a heart, shifting emotions, or maybe even healing past hurts has become instead of an uncomfortable experience, can become a loving, expressive part of a relationship. God really desires to work in peoples hearts. Especially when it comes to our children. So all that said, you really can’t use the ‘I’m just not a touchy feely person’ excuse when it comes to your kids. They need your loving touch. So if this is an area you struggle in pray about it, learn it how to be more physically loving with your kids. What do they say? Practice makes perfect. Just do it because it is so important in their lives.
Let me look at scripture, we’ll look together at a verse talking about Jesus in touch. Matthew 6:56, check this out, speaking of Jesus, “And whenever he went into villages, towns, or countryside, they placed the sick in the marketplaces, they begged him to let them touch him, even the edge of his clothes and all who,” say it out loud, “And all who,” what? “Touched him were,” what? “They were healed.” Now check this out. I did a word study on the word touched in the New International Version, and the word touched appears in the Gospels twenty times in regard to Jesus. And every single time the word touched appears in reference to Jesus, it always is in regards to healing. There’s power in loving and appropriate touch. Check this out, did you know that during their pre-teen years, a girls need for loving and appropriate touch increases. But dads, often get a little freaked out because their little girls bodies are becoming woman-like and they do this funky stuff like get their first bra and start experiencing different emotions and behaving in ways that they might not even understand, stuff like that. During all of this, a daughters needs continue to increase, but unfortunately at the same time dads level of comfort often decreases. Dads, let me say this to you.....it’s during this time that is probably most strange for you that your daughters need for loving, appropriate touch most increases and you must be fully engaged in loving touch. If just hearing this information isn’t enough to convince you then maybe this little fact will.... loving touch is the most important thing you can do for your daughter to deter sexual sin, because if she does not feel the love of an appropriate physical relationship with you, statistics tell us she is much more likely to seek out loving touch from others and you and I both know that touch is not necessarily going to be appropriate touch. When they learn to be touched appropriately by a loving and Godly person, they’ll learn to say no to inappropriate touch from an ungodly person. Another little piece of information that we need to discover is that little girls are often touched in a loving way five times as often as boys, and yet the boys’ needs are equal to girls. So a lot of times, you know, when a boy is two, whatever, they’ll be all huggy, lovey with their parents. When the boy turns seven or eight, their needs don’t change, but oftentimes they’ll start to get that, “Urhgh, that’s not cool.” kinda attitude and what we have to do as parents is, we have to be creative and make sure we are still engaged. For instance, eight- to ten-year-old boys, rather than a lot of hugs and kisses and things like that that’s not cool to a ten-year-old boy, what is cool? Secret handshakes, pats on the back, pats on the bottom - it’s a boy thing. Wrestling with them, being engaged in that kind of touch. You can do it. Okay? Loving touch - point one… let’s move on to point number two.
The second unchanging principle of parenting is abundant time,
lots and lots and lots of time and then more time. You know you’ve heard the saying “How do kids spell love?” and they said, “Kids spell love t-i-m-e.” Abundant time. Look at what Jesus does, verse 13. People are bringing little children to Jesus to have Him touch them, but the disciples rebuke them. In other words they were communicating that Jesus is just too busy. He is too important. He’s got dead people to cause to live again. He’s got blind eyes to open up, don’t bother Him with children.” But Jesus was not happy about that. Verse 14, “When Jesus saw this, he was indignant.” Now, the Greek word that is translated indignant, it could be translated as PO'd! Indignant is a soft translation. He was not happy. He said to them, “No, no, no. Let them come on. Bring them on. Let the little children come to Me. Forbid them not.”
I have a question for you, how many of you are Nascar racing fans? I gotta tell you the truth...a Nascar fan I am not. I know there’s a lot to it, but it’s just, you don’t see it at first. I’ll tell you, though, what is fascinating to me is the pit stop crew. I mean, you’ve go to admit that. Seven people in this little place and a car comes zoom, zoom, zoom. And a good pit stop will last twelve to fifteen seconds. They like, change the tires, put gas in, do an oil change, check the car, clean off the windshields, eat a Happy Meal, all this stuff in like fifteen seconds. Zoop, zoom, they’re out again, fascinating. I would argue today that many parents are doing what I would call pit stop parenting. It’s parenting in twelve to fifteen second spurts. Kid comes in. “How was your day?” “Great.” “Did you do your homework?” “Great.” “Did you wear clean underwear?” “Great.” “Don’t eat yellow snow and don’t have sex until you are married. Good night. I love you.” Zoomp. I mean, right? It’s pit stop parenting. “ Okay, get in the back of the minivan. We gotta go.” “What are we having for dinner, mom?” “I don’t know. Find a French Fry under the seat. We gotta go.” Driving by, “There’s dad. Wave at him.” “Da-a-d!” Who-o-m and you’re gone.
Now, obviously, I am exaggerating for a point because the truth is, we as parents spend much more than twelve to fifteen seconds engaged with our children. According to one article parents are much more generous than 10-15 seconds. This article states that the average parent spends thirty-seven seconds a day engaged in meaningful conversation with their children. I’m not talking about the the required conversation of homework, dinner, have you brushed your teeth yet - I’m talking about meaningful conversation. Thirty-seven seconds a day. ‘How?’ you say. Because the regular needs and requirements of the day just absorb us, don’t they? We’ve all had those days where we getto the end, we lay our heads on our pillow and we think...I was running all day but I feel like I didn’t get thing done. Life just happens. So reality says that if you are not careful, you can easily find the opportunity to us the excuse , “I just didn’t have time today to read that book, play that game, or play tickle monster with my kids.” But if were not careful - today becomes this week and this week become a lifetime and all of a sudden these precious gifts that God in his greatness has blessed us with are off to college or unpacking their first apartment. Let me just tell you right now, we can all come up with an excuse but there is no valid excuse for not spending time with our kids. You say, “I don’t have time.” No, you have time for what you choose to have time for. Period. Period. But you are a good person and you really care, and so in your heart you say, “Well, I’m going to, but just in a little while.” Okay? First, I have to get some things done. You say, “First, I have to .......an the possible ways to end this sentence are endless. It could be as long term as get a better job so I have to pay my dues..or as short term as get the laundry done so right now I’m just too busy. Let me tell you right now, if you don’t decide to do it now, you are not likely to do it. You have time to choose what you have time for. Thought number one is that we will express love with loving touch. Number two with abundant time, and number three, we want to be characterized by encouraging talk. By encouraging talk. Look at what Jesus said to these kiddo’s, verse 16, “And he took the children in his arms, he put his hands on them,” and he did what? Say it out loud, “And he blessed them.” I love that. I wonder what He said. Whatever He said, it was a blessing. He encouraged them. He lifted them up with His words. He didn’t say, “Hey, stop that! Hey, cut that out! Hey, stop touching your brother. Hey, stop hitting back there. Hey, I wish you’d be more like your sister.” He didn’t say, “Get over.” He didn’t say, “One, two, two and-a-half.” He blessed them, encouraged them. One of the most important things that we can do for our children is to speak words of life, rather than the words of death. Watch the words that you speak. Ask yourself if you are characterized more by catching them doing something wrong, always telling them what they weren’t or what they could be doing better rather than catching them doing something right. “Well done. Man, I’m so proud of you. Oh, you knocked them out of the park today! You’re the most awesome of all time.” When you call your child’s name what do they expect to follow? If your child automatically prepares for what you are about to say when you call their name - you have a problem. You have established a pattern of verbal interaction that in negative. If that’s the case - don’t beat yourself up - but get to work! You have a job to do. You must decided in your heart to be characterized by encouraging words. Practice saying them. Prepare for them - think of which words of encouragement would must influence each of your children and be genuine when you speak them. Look for opportunities and then pay attention to yourself - if you hear yourself speak a negative, purpose to speak 3 positives to counter-balance the negative. One of the most revealing movie quotes I ever heard was in Pretty Woman. (tell about scene)
Parents, we’ve got one chance. Time, talk, and touch … Take advantage of each moment you can because life goes by so fast. James 4:14 says What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. The last 12 years have experienced that mist. I held a baby in my arms and I took a mental picture of that moment and then I blinked and she was a little toddler walking across my living room floor, and I took a mental picture and I blinked again, and when I opened my eyes, I was releasing her to ride a bicycle without training wheels off down the driveway for the very first time. And I took a mental picture of that, and then blinked, and soon enough I’ll open my eyes, that child will no longer be riding off in a bike but driving off in an automobile and I’m sure I will learn to pray like you I’ve never prayed in my whole life. And then I’ll blink, and when I open up my eyes, that child will be driving off to college, or to get married, or to start a life on her own. And don’t allow yourself for a minute to think I am being over dramatic - let me read that scripture on more time....What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Touch, time, talk - let’s take every opportunity to invest in them while we can.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
PARENTHOOD - The Parent's Priority
If you are a parent, know someone who is a parent, had a parent, and you would agree that parenting can be very difficult, would you raise your hands. Very challenging. I like what Mark Twain said. He said about parenting teenagers, he said, “When they are thirteen, put them in a barrel and nail the lid shut, then feed them through the knothole.” That was his advice. He said, “When they are sixteen, plug the knothole.”
I have had more joy from parenting, and there is also a lot of pain when we don’t get things right or our kids go off and do things on their own. One of the joys I have is just the library of awesome stories of the goofy stuff that our kids do. One of my favorites is when my youngest, Allison was 2 and half (vid)
Let’s set the foundational principle for our series. “The Parents’ Priority.” If you are not yet a parent and one day will be, or if you are a parent, what is our primary priority? If you are taking notes, this comes from Deuteronomy 6, and it is this.
“A parent’s priority is to gradually transfer a child’s dependence away from the parents until their dependence rests solely on God.” Let’s say that again. Let’s make sure that we understand that. Our priority as a mom and/or a dad is to gradually transfer dependence. Our children, when they are little, they depend on us for everything. Don’t they? And over time, we will help transfer their dependence to where they will no longer depend on us, but instead, they depend on the only One who will ever be completely faithful and true to them in every single way. We teach them to depend on God.
Now, where does this come from? Deuteronomy 6, (by the way,Cathleen and I don’t claim to be experts in parenting, we are just doing our best w/ God’s help - the answers are found in scripture) let me just set the context. It’s following Deuteronomy 5. In Deuteronomy 5, Moses had just revealed the Ten Commandments, the big ten that God would challenge His people to live by. Speaking of these commandments, Moses gives, really, one of the greatest teaching on parenthood in all of scripture. He says this, “These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you. To observe in the land that you are crossing Jordan to possess so that,” who? Would you say this, say it out loud, so that who? “So that you …” so that who else? “So that also your children,” who else? “And their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live.”
As you teach your children to fear the Lord, as you teach them to live according to His commands, not only will you be changed, but the next generation and the generation after that will be different if we, as parents, train our children not to depend on us or themselves or what they see, but instead, on the One who created everything. Do you realize that as a parent, God has put within you the power to change generations and generations to come. How do we do that?
Deuteronomy 6 gives us the two most important principles that we would ever live out as a parent. If you don’t get anything else, this is what we want to embrace and eternalize. How do we transfer dependence from us on to God? Two things that we will do in our own lives, the first one,
if you are taking notes, scripture teaches us to love our God.
We are taught to love our God. Where does this come from? Well, verse 4, “Hear Oh Israel the Lord our God the Lord is one.” Very important, then in verse five, the Bible says this. “Love the Lord your God with,” what? How much? “Love the Lord your God with all your,” what? “Your heart and with,” what? Say it out loud, “And with all of your soul and with all of your strength.” Love your God.
With how much of your heart should you love God? with all. Notice, the scripture does not say with some, or with a little bit, or with a percentage, but we are told to love God with all of our heart. But wouldn’t you agree that many, if not most of us, we love God with a little bit of our hearts, and one of the most dangerous things that we can do as parents is expose our children to just a little bit of God.
Scripture teaches us we should love God with all of our heart. Now, the problem is, let’s just be honest. In the world that we live in, there are a lot of things that can distract us from loving God with all of our own heart. You know, as parents, as a dad, you know, I want to provide for my kids, and so many of us, we think to ourselves with good intentions, “If I can just give my kids more than I had growing up, then that will be very valuable for them.” So, we work so hard pouring ourselves into our careers trying to get more things when yet, we are not giving our children what they really need, which is us and a deeper relationship with the only One they need to really know ultimately is God, and God alone. We want to provide them the best opportunity, so we get them in soccer, and ballet, and in gymnastics, and all of a sudden, we organize their schedule so they are so busy. And we work hard so we can have a nice car to transport them in, so they will be safe, and their little booties will sit in leather seats. And then, when they are sixteen, we want to make sure that they can get a car because in most of our parts of town, not having a car at sixteen would be like borderline child abuse for our children. Right? Yeah. And then we want to save up so they can get the greatest education, and before long, if we are not careful, we become child-centered parents rather than God-centered parents. Our lives revolve around our children rather than revolving around God.
Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, and if you are so busy w/ your schedules you don’t have time to worship with God’s people and honor His name? Now, parents, don’t kid yourself. That will send a significant message to your children. How important is our involvement in church? And let me just say, by involvement in church what I don’t mean is that you come in late, sit there for an hour, and try to get off to lunch. That is not involvement in church. That is a spectator sport, and that is not real involvement. Involvement is saying, “I am a participator, a participant in the body of Christ and there is a Biblical function for me to do in my church, and I am immersed in deep growing relationships with others in Biblical community. I am a contributing part to the family of God. I am plugged in. I am contributing.” How important is your role like that with your children? Well, I came across a study that I thought was interesting about kids who grow up and become active Christ Followers as adults. If you are taking notes,
If mom and dad went to church: 72% of kids will as adults.
If mom only went to church: 15% of kids will as adults.
Now, dads, how important is your role?
If dad only went to church: 55% of kids will as adults.
Daddies, do not ever underestimate the value of your role in disciplining and leading your children to know Christ.
If neither mom nor dad: 06% of kids will as adults.
Love the Lord your God with all of your heart. That means not only in our words, but in our actions.
Parents, do you love God with all of your heart, or with some of your heart? Because some, just a little bit, may not be what our kids need. They need all of it!
What would happen if, let’s say, if the walls could talk?
What would they say about your commitment to God if they looked at the magazines that you read, sitting out on the coffee table, or if you are a bathroom reader, you know...
What would they say about your heart? What about if they would the TV shows that you watch with you. What would they say about your heart? What about your computer? They got into your computer and looked at the history log and saw what you read over the last month? What do you think that would say about your heart? What if they just listened to the language that you said at your house? what do you think they would say about your heart for God? What about your checkbook. If they looked at your priorities in spending, where does God rank, really? Really? Not just what you say or hope or pretend, but who you are really.
You see, as parents, the best thing that we can do for our children is love God with all of our hearts. Love our God, love our God. And the second thing Deuteronomy 6 teaches us … It appears small at first, but it is incredibly important and profound. Number one, we will love our God, and number two,
we will lead our families. We must lead our families.
Where does this principle come from? Deuteronomy 6:6-9, I want you to see the spiritual leadership represented in these verses. “These commands that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts.” Verse 7, what do we do with them?
We impress them on our children. We talk about them when we sit at home, and when we walk along the road, and when we are driving to school or to T-ball practice. When you lie down and when you get up, tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. We lead our families spiritually. Spiritual talk becomes, not just something we do on the weekends on the way to church, it becomes a part of seven days a week, of everything that is going on. We lead our children spiritually.
I like the quote that Edward, Duke of Windsor, said this about America. He said, “The thing that impresses me most about America is the way the parents obey their children.” I want you to think about that for a minute. The thing that impresses me most is the way that parents obey the children.
Parents, question: Are you leading your children, or are your children leading you? Think about that. You lead them spiritually, you set the tone. You are the divine authority in the household. You set the tone. Now, you may say, “How do you lead?” Well, what I am not going to tell you is, “Here’s exactly what you have to do.” What I am going to do is tell you, if you are going to be an effective leader, here write this down, you. Whatever that means for you, you seek the heart of God and you do it. And what I will do is, I will tell you just briefly how Cathleen and I lead intentionally, not to tell you that you need to do this, because our philosophy would not be right for your family.
First of all, we govern their intake
TV, radio, movies, friends, where they go, what they’re involved in - Just because everyone else does something, doesn’t mean that you are going to let your kids do that. Just because every other kid can stay out, teenager, until one o’clock in the morning, you may say, “No, at our household I am coming home, or whatever.” You set the standards.
I like the single mom who was struggling with knowing what to do with her teenager, who always wanted to see rated-R movies with his friends, and he says, “But, there’s just a little bit of bad stuff, just a little bit. It’s not that bad.” And the mom was praying, “God, what do I do?” And God gave her an idea, something that I thought was awesome. She said, “I’ll tell you what. You can go see this rated-R movie, but first, you have to help me make some brownies.” And the teenager’s like, “Oh, I love brownies, as long as I can lick the bowl.” And she said, “Sure you can. What I need you to do to contribute is, would you go out and find some of our dog’s dog poop, and give me one spoon full of dog poop.” The son was like, “That’s nasty, mom.” “No, no, no. Just one small scoop. That’s all you need. Just bring that in, help me make the brownies, and you can go to the show tonight.” And the son was like, “Well, whatever,” and he came in with a spoon full of dog poop that he was holding out like this, and he gave it to his mom, and his mom said, “Oh, that’s too much,” and she took a little knife and cut it in half and dropped just a little bit of dog poop down into the brownie mix and stirred it up. And he said, “Mom, we can’t eat that.” She said, “Oh, sure.” She poured it into the bigger bowl and said, “Would you like to lick this bowl?” He’s like, “No, that’s disgusting.” And she said, “But what you don’t understand, son, is it is just a little bit of poop.” And all of a sudden, he realized that just a little bit of ungodliness is too much.
We encourage reading
Cathleen and I value reading and we instill that into our daughters - so they read on a regular basis (Jessica has already read more books than I did all the way thru H.S.)
We value family - Saturday is always family day, it’s been that way since Jess was just a tiny little thing. We honor that day. We cherish it. C & I do all that we can to protect it. We have what we call Family Nights (explain)
We lead relationally.
My kids see me take Cathleen out on dates. Now, why do I want them to see that? Because I want them to know that they are not in charge, that we guard the integrity of our marriage. We are not child-centered parents. We are God-centered marriage, and God says for us to pour our lives into one another, plus I want my daughters to see how a man should treat a woman so when some hairy-legged guy comes along with big bouffant hair, they will look for character and heart and see, “Is this a guy that fears God?” If not, they’ll easily walk away.
We live relationally.
I take my daughters out for dates, and I date them and I teach them what it is like for someone to treat them like a lady.
If your heart is wholly surrendered to Him, parents, you are in charge, and just because everyone else is doing something does not mean that it is the right standard for your family.
You are not so concerned about your children’s immediate happiness as you are their holiness and full pursuit of God in every single way. So how do we lead them? Well, the Bible calls it training. There is a very well-known scripture in Proverbs. It says this about training. The Bible says that we are to train up our children in the way that they should go and when they are old they will not depart from that.
So, parents, We train, if you are taking notes, we initiate, or we dedicate, or we train our children in the way that they should go. We initiate a craving for that which is true and right and pure and holy, and when they see the fruit of that, they say Godly living works. Our role is to transfer dependence. They no longer depend on us, now they depend on God. How do we do that? We love God. First, it starts with us, and then we intentionally lead our families. If you want to half-heartedly let life happen, let me promise you, life will happen, and you will kiss your kids goodbye, send them off to college, walk them down the isle, and you are going to wonder, “Where did it all go?”
Lead them. Lead them. You lead. God placed you in that role. Love God with all of your heart, and lead as He calls you to lead. How do you do it? We train. I have given you a list from Proverbs of some of the most important things that we, as parents, will train into our children, watch this (vid)
TRAINING FROM PROVERBS
1) Train them to manage God’s money. (Prov. 3:9-10)
2) Train them to carefully select friends. (Prov. 13:20)
3) Train them to watch their words. (Prov. 4:24)
4) Train them to be responsible. (Prov. 6:6-8)
5) Train them to guard their minds. (Prov. 23:7)
6) Train them to be generous. (Prov. 11: 25)
7) Train them to fear God. (Prov. 1:7)
We want you to know that we are very, very serious about partnering with you to lead your children to become fully devoted followers of Christ, but it is honestly not our job. It is your job. And you will be successful, not if you expose your kids to all these great activities which honestly pass away, but if you expose your children to the great truths of God, teach them about His power, His goodness, the power of prayer, the truth of His Word, the in-filling of His Spirit that will empower and lead us, and counsel us and guide us and correct us and be our teacher. So what do we want to do? We want to transfer their dependence on us, because when they are young, they depend on us completely. When they get older, they will depend on their friends or on themselves, but we want to teach them to depend on God. How do we do that? We love God first, with all of our heart. Not some, but all. And then, we intentionally lead our families. It will not happen on accident.
Allison, my youngest, will say to me, “You’re my best Daddy” then she corrects yourself and says, “Well actually, you’re the 2nd best, Jesus is the best Daddy” and I tell her, “I’ll take it! I’ll take 2nd place to Jesus Christ any and everyday. and I think to myself, “She’s on the right track.” The transfer is already taking place. It’s happening. The most important thing that I will ever do is to lead my girls to the One who gave His life for them, and when they know who they are in Christ, then they are ready to be shot out into this world to make a difference. Parents, your role is absolutely so important. You can train and change generations and generations and generations to come.
I have had more joy from parenting, and there is also a lot of pain when we don’t get things right or our kids go off and do things on their own. One of the joys I have is just the library of awesome stories of the goofy stuff that our kids do. One of my favorites is when my youngest, Allison was 2 and half (vid)
Let’s set the foundational principle for our series. “The Parents’ Priority.” If you are not yet a parent and one day will be, or if you are a parent, what is our primary priority? If you are taking notes, this comes from Deuteronomy 6, and it is this.
“A parent’s priority is to gradually transfer a child’s dependence away from the parents until their dependence rests solely on God.” Let’s say that again. Let’s make sure that we understand that. Our priority as a mom and/or a dad is to gradually transfer dependence. Our children, when they are little, they depend on us for everything. Don’t they? And over time, we will help transfer their dependence to where they will no longer depend on us, but instead, they depend on the only One who will ever be completely faithful and true to them in every single way. We teach them to depend on God.
Now, where does this come from? Deuteronomy 6, (by the way,Cathleen and I don’t claim to be experts in parenting, we are just doing our best w/ God’s help - the answers are found in scripture) let me just set the context. It’s following Deuteronomy 5. In Deuteronomy 5, Moses had just revealed the Ten Commandments, the big ten that God would challenge His people to live by. Speaking of these commandments, Moses gives, really, one of the greatest teaching on parenthood in all of scripture. He says this, “These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you. To observe in the land that you are crossing Jordan to possess so that,” who? Would you say this, say it out loud, so that who? “So that you …” so that who else? “So that also your children,” who else? “And their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live.”
As you teach your children to fear the Lord, as you teach them to live according to His commands, not only will you be changed, but the next generation and the generation after that will be different if we, as parents, train our children not to depend on us or themselves or what they see, but instead, on the One who created everything. Do you realize that as a parent, God has put within you the power to change generations and generations to come. How do we do that?
Deuteronomy 6 gives us the two most important principles that we would ever live out as a parent. If you don’t get anything else, this is what we want to embrace and eternalize. How do we transfer dependence from us on to God? Two things that we will do in our own lives, the first one,
if you are taking notes, scripture teaches us to love our God.
We are taught to love our God. Where does this come from? Well, verse 4, “Hear Oh Israel the Lord our God the Lord is one.” Very important, then in verse five, the Bible says this. “Love the Lord your God with,” what? How much? “Love the Lord your God with all your,” what? “Your heart and with,” what? Say it out loud, “And with all of your soul and with all of your strength.” Love your God.
With how much of your heart should you love God? with all. Notice, the scripture does not say with some, or with a little bit, or with a percentage, but we are told to love God with all of our heart. But wouldn’t you agree that many, if not most of us, we love God with a little bit of our hearts, and one of the most dangerous things that we can do as parents is expose our children to just a little bit of God.
Scripture teaches us we should love God with all of our heart. Now, the problem is, let’s just be honest. In the world that we live in, there are a lot of things that can distract us from loving God with all of our own heart. You know, as parents, as a dad, you know, I want to provide for my kids, and so many of us, we think to ourselves with good intentions, “If I can just give my kids more than I had growing up, then that will be very valuable for them.” So, we work so hard pouring ourselves into our careers trying to get more things when yet, we are not giving our children what they really need, which is us and a deeper relationship with the only One they need to really know ultimately is God, and God alone. We want to provide them the best opportunity, so we get them in soccer, and ballet, and in gymnastics, and all of a sudden, we organize their schedule so they are so busy. And we work hard so we can have a nice car to transport them in, so they will be safe, and their little booties will sit in leather seats. And then, when they are sixteen, we want to make sure that they can get a car because in most of our parts of town, not having a car at sixteen would be like borderline child abuse for our children. Right? Yeah. And then we want to save up so they can get the greatest education, and before long, if we are not careful, we become child-centered parents rather than God-centered parents. Our lives revolve around our children rather than revolving around God.
Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, and if you are so busy w/ your schedules you don’t have time to worship with God’s people and honor His name? Now, parents, don’t kid yourself. That will send a significant message to your children. How important is our involvement in church? And let me just say, by involvement in church what I don’t mean is that you come in late, sit there for an hour, and try to get off to lunch. That is not involvement in church. That is a spectator sport, and that is not real involvement. Involvement is saying, “I am a participator, a participant in the body of Christ and there is a Biblical function for me to do in my church, and I am immersed in deep growing relationships with others in Biblical community. I am a contributing part to the family of God. I am plugged in. I am contributing.” How important is your role like that with your children? Well, I came across a study that I thought was interesting about kids who grow up and become active Christ Followers as adults. If you are taking notes,
If mom and dad went to church: 72% of kids will as adults.
If mom only went to church: 15% of kids will as adults.
Now, dads, how important is your role?
If dad only went to church: 55% of kids will as adults.
Daddies, do not ever underestimate the value of your role in disciplining and leading your children to know Christ.
If neither mom nor dad: 06% of kids will as adults.
Love the Lord your God with all of your heart. That means not only in our words, but in our actions.
Parents, do you love God with all of your heart, or with some of your heart? Because some, just a little bit, may not be what our kids need. They need all of it!
What would happen if, let’s say, if the walls could talk?
What would they say about your commitment to God if they looked at the magazines that you read, sitting out on the coffee table, or if you are a bathroom reader, you know...
What would they say about your heart? What about if they would the TV shows that you watch with you. What would they say about your heart? What about your computer? They got into your computer and looked at the history log and saw what you read over the last month? What do you think that would say about your heart? What if they just listened to the language that you said at your house? what do you think they would say about your heart for God? What about your checkbook. If they looked at your priorities in spending, where does God rank, really? Really? Not just what you say or hope or pretend, but who you are really.
You see, as parents, the best thing that we can do for our children is love God with all of our hearts. Love our God, love our God. And the second thing Deuteronomy 6 teaches us … It appears small at first, but it is incredibly important and profound. Number one, we will love our God, and number two,
we will lead our families. We must lead our families.
Where does this principle come from? Deuteronomy 6:6-9, I want you to see the spiritual leadership represented in these verses. “These commands that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts.” Verse 7, what do we do with them?
We impress them on our children. We talk about them when we sit at home, and when we walk along the road, and when we are driving to school or to T-ball practice. When you lie down and when you get up, tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. We lead our families spiritually. Spiritual talk becomes, not just something we do on the weekends on the way to church, it becomes a part of seven days a week, of everything that is going on. We lead our children spiritually.
I like the quote that Edward, Duke of Windsor, said this about America. He said, “The thing that impresses me most about America is the way the parents obey their children.” I want you to think about that for a minute. The thing that impresses me most is the way that parents obey the children.
Parents, question: Are you leading your children, or are your children leading you? Think about that. You lead them spiritually, you set the tone. You are the divine authority in the household. You set the tone. Now, you may say, “How do you lead?” Well, what I am not going to tell you is, “Here’s exactly what you have to do.” What I am going to do is tell you, if you are going to be an effective leader, here write this down, you. Whatever that means for you, you seek the heart of God and you do it. And what I will do is, I will tell you just briefly how Cathleen and I lead intentionally, not to tell you that you need to do this, because our philosophy would not be right for your family.
First of all, we govern their intake
TV, radio, movies, friends, where they go, what they’re involved in - Just because everyone else does something, doesn’t mean that you are going to let your kids do that. Just because every other kid can stay out, teenager, until one o’clock in the morning, you may say, “No, at our household I am coming home, or whatever.” You set the standards.
I like the single mom who was struggling with knowing what to do with her teenager, who always wanted to see rated-R movies with his friends, and he says, “But, there’s just a little bit of bad stuff, just a little bit. It’s not that bad.” And the mom was praying, “God, what do I do?” And God gave her an idea, something that I thought was awesome. She said, “I’ll tell you what. You can go see this rated-R movie, but first, you have to help me make some brownies.” And the teenager’s like, “Oh, I love brownies, as long as I can lick the bowl.” And she said, “Sure you can. What I need you to do to contribute is, would you go out and find some of our dog’s dog poop, and give me one spoon full of dog poop.” The son was like, “That’s nasty, mom.” “No, no, no. Just one small scoop. That’s all you need. Just bring that in, help me make the brownies, and you can go to the show tonight.” And the son was like, “Well, whatever,” and he came in with a spoon full of dog poop that he was holding out like this, and he gave it to his mom, and his mom said, “Oh, that’s too much,” and she took a little knife and cut it in half and dropped just a little bit of dog poop down into the brownie mix and stirred it up. And he said, “Mom, we can’t eat that.” She said, “Oh, sure.” She poured it into the bigger bowl and said, “Would you like to lick this bowl?” He’s like, “No, that’s disgusting.” And she said, “But what you don’t understand, son, is it is just a little bit of poop.” And all of a sudden, he realized that just a little bit of ungodliness is too much.
We encourage reading
Cathleen and I value reading and we instill that into our daughters - so they read on a regular basis (Jessica has already read more books than I did all the way thru H.S.)
We value family - Saturday is always family day, it’s been that way since Jess was just a tiny little thing. We honor that day. We cherish it. C & I do all that we can to protect it. We have what we call Family Nights (explain)
We lead relationally.
My kids see me take Cathleen out on dates. Now, why do I want them to see that? Because I want them to know that they are not in charge, that we guard the integrity of our marriage. We are not child-centered parents. We are God-centered marriage, and God says for us to pour our lives into one another, plus I want my daughters to see how a man should treat a woman so when some hairy-legged guy comes along with big bouffant hair, they will look for character and heart and see, “Is this a guy that fears God?” If not, they’ll easily walk away.
We live relationally.
I take my daughters out for dates, and I date them and I teach them what it is like for someone to treat them like a lady.
If your heart is wholly surrendered to Him, parents, you are in charge, and just because everyone else is doing something does not mean that it is the right standard for your family.
You are not so concerned about your children’s immediate happiness as you are their holiness and full pursuit of God in every single way. So how do we lead them? Well, the Bible calls it training. There is a very well-known scripture in Proverbs. It says this about training. The Bible says that we are to train up our children in the way that they should go and when they are old they will not depart from that.
So, parents, We train, if you are taking notes, we initiate, or we dedicate, or we train our children in the way that they should go. We initiate a craving for that which is true and right and pure and holy, and when they see the fruit of that, they say Godly living works. Our role is to transfer dependence. They no longer depend on us, now they depend on God. How do we do that? We love God. First, it starts with us, and then we intentionally lead our families. If you want to half-heartedly let life happen, let me promise you, life will happen, and you will kiss your kids goodbye, send them off to college, walk them down the isle, and you are going to wonder, “Where did it all go?”
Lead them. Lead them. You lead. God placed you in that role. Love God with all of your heart, and lead as He calls you to lead. How do you do it? We train. I have given you a list from Proverbs of some of the most important things that we, as parents, will train into our children, watch this (vid)
TRAINING FROM PROVERBS
1) Train them to manage God’s money. (Prov. 3:9-10)
2) Train them to carefully select friends. (Prov. 13:20)
3) Train them to watch their words. (Prov. 4:24)
4) Train them to be responsible. (Prov. 6:6-8)
5) Train them to guard their minds. (Prov. 23:7)
6) Train them to be generous. (Prov. 11: 25)
7) Train them to fear God. (Prov. 1:7)
We want you to know that we are very, very serious about partnering with you to lead your children to become fully devoted followers of Christ, but it is honestly not our job. It is your job. And you will be successful, not if you expose your kids to all these great activities which honestly pass away, but if you expose your children to the great truths of God, teach them about His power, His goodness, the power of prayer, the truth of His Word, the in-filling of His Spirit that will empower and lead us, and counsel us and guide us and correct us and be our teacher. So what do we want to do? We want to transfer their dependence on us, because when they are young, they depend on us completely. When they get older, they will depend on their friends or on themselves, but we want to teach them to depend on God. How do we do that? We love God first, with all of our heart. Not some, but all. And then, we intentionally lead our families. It will not happen on accident.
Allison, my youngest, will say to me, “You’re my best Daddy” then she corrects yourself and says, “Well actually, you’re the 2nd best, Jesus is the best Daddy” and I tell her, “I’ll take it! I’ll take 2nd place to Jesus Christ any and everyday. and I think to myself, “She’s on the right track.” The transfer is already taking place. It’s happening. The most important thing that I will ever do is to lead my girls to the One who gave His life for them, and when they know who they are in Christ, then they are ready to be shot out into this world to make a difference. Parents, your role is absolutely so important. You can train and change generations and generations and generations to come.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)