What do Kids need from Their Parents?

This is always such a prevailing question isnt it.... 

What do Kids need from Their Parents?

I know you think the quick & easy answer is money..... "Why yes I do, my children are always asking if I have any money? Yeah I DO." Oh dont you dare your ask your children "why?" Oh if you ask why it's 98% probable you're gonna regret asking that question.

"Well me and sissy (your oldest daughter replies) wanted to head over to the mall to look around, maybe get a pedi & a mani, possibly get a bite to eat and who knows maybe catch a movie."
Your simple response.... "how much money were you thinking you wanted?"
"Oh I dont know... maybe $100 (at that moment sweat beads begin to form & that ugly vein on the side of your neck starts bulging out as your face gets redder and redder... then she concludes her sentence) ........each."
"Each! did you say Each? Each, no way! I thought $100 was too much to share between the 2 of you." You respond at a bit higher octave.
"Oh ok" she says, "We'll share $100."
As you hand her the money you begin wandering to yourself ..... mmmm.... was that their plan all along????

Maybe......

Regardless of how moments like that may occur more often than not, Money is NOT the answer. So what do they need from us? 

The first one I want you to write down, it’s very important.  What kids need is belief.  

Actually your belief in the value of being a parent.  It is essential.  The belief in the value of being a parent.  If you don’t believe that you play a significant role in helping kids understand and embrace purpose & fulfillment in life then you’re in trouble.  You’re a significant player & if you dont believe this then you will become nothing more than a shift manager at your own bed and breakfast.  

My dream is that some day those of us that have relationship with God and we understand this big picture and we understand that kids are a gift from God that when somebody asks us what we do for a living, we wouldn’t put the value of our paycheck higher than the value of our parenting.  Because we always answer with what we do for a career.  Subconsciously, in our world, we’ve taken the value of parenting and pushed it down.  

What if the next time someone asks you what you do for a living you say, “That’s easy.  I’m in charge of socializing two homo sapiens in the dominant values of the Judao-Christian tradition in order that they might be instruments in the transformation of the social order into the teleological described utopian inherent in the echelon that God prescribed.”  Then, after you say that, you say, “And what do you do?  Just a lawyer?”

Folks, I wanted to start with this one because it’s big.  If you don’t believe in the value of your role as a parent you won’t value your role as a parent.  And the consequences of your unbelief will sabotage your kids.  That’s a biggie.

The second thing I want you to write down that kids need is they need presence.  

I know there’s another way to spell this – with a T and that’s what most of them want.  But there’s also another way to spell it – like this: TIME.  One of the major contributing factors to healthy kids points back to present parents in their life.  

Let me tell you something I’ve learned from kids.  Parents, they’d much rather have your presence than your money.  They’d much rather have your time than your career.  

Presence matters.

And actually this idea of presence, this is a biggie to God.  Think about this, theological framework is that God’s presence started all this.  God’s presence brought all this into being.  Then God said, I want them to know Me so much that I’m going to go to earth and be present.  That is Jesus.  John 1:14 says God became flesh and lived here among us.  Then if you’re a Christian if you’ve said yes to God, you’ve stepped across the line and opened your heart to God and said I want You to be Lord, the CEO, the president of my life and God resides in you, what happens?  He gives you His Holy Spirit.  As it says in 2 Timothy 1:4 “With the help of the Holy Spirit who lives within us.”  notice the “within us.”  Meaning God’s presence is with us.  Presence is a big deal to God.  Because we have God’s Spirit in us it can help us be better at being present in our relationships.  

Let’s go practical here.  Let me give you some things to at least think about.  

First, you have to consider your personal sacrifices.

What’s something you’re currently doing that is taking time away from your kids?  

What might you need to sacrifice so that your kids aren’t sacrificed?

Here’s another one to write down that I think you ought to consider.  Career sacrifices.  

What’s something you are doing in your career that you don’t need to be doing to survive? 

Here’s another one.  This one’s going to push your buttons.  

You ditch the cell phone in the car with your kids.  

I recently made a commitment to do this.  I’m not pretending this is easy.  But a lot of you, you get in the car and you think you’re with your kids.  You’re not with them, you’re on the phone.  When you’re by yourself, use up all your minutes!  Do all that.  But when you’ve got your kids in your car and you’re thinking, “We’re going to the game.  I took my kid to the game.”  No you didn’t you were on the phone talking the whole time.  You weren’t there.  When you’ve got your kid in the car turn the phone off.  There was life before mobile phones.  

What you don’t realize as a parent you have your kid trapped.  That is the time to talk and laugh and sing and point things out and if you have a teenager it’s the time to use one-word sentences.  Enjoy those moments.  Try it it’s not as easy as you think it might be to ditch the cell phone.  

Another one is focus, face them and give feed back.   

Your children need you, they really do need YOU.

They need you to believe that and be present.... really present.

Do You Have Money Issues?

Ever see Dave Ramsey billboards? Or listen to his talk show? He’s all about ridding yourself of debt - become debt free - budget well - build wealth & give as much as you can away - Cathleen and I have been thru his 13 week course, attended a live 1-day seminar... we like and believe and practice what he teaches.

Today I'd like to venture down that road of Putting God FIRST. I’m gonna be a bit bold and speak this to each of us, myself included and that is “If you’ve have a money problem, you have a God problem.”

Because God doesn’t have a money problem & I’m not a hyper-prosperity preacher, but I am a bible preacher.

...and God has no problem providing... If it’s His vision, He’ll provide the provision.

I have stated this about our church from the beginning... this church is God’s idea, not Joe or Cathleen’s  - His vision imparted to us therefore He’ll provide the provision for us.

If it’s His vision for you and your family to live debt-free, build wealth and give as much as you can away, He’ll provide the provision.

Exodus 13:1-2

“Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying,  “Consecrate to Me all the firstborn, whatever opens the womb among the children of Israel, both of man and beast; it is Mine.”

now down to vs. 12

“you shall set apart to the LORD all that open the womb, that is, every firstborn that comes from an animal which you have; the males shall be the LORD’s. But every firstborn of a donkey you shall redeem with a lamb; and if you will not redeem it, then you shall break its neck. And all the firstborn of man among your sons you shall redeem.”

In our talk today of Putting God FIRST,  the 1st fundamental truth we see is:

1. The Firstborn must be sacrificed or redeemed

Let me explain this, If your animal had a 1st born, if that animal was a clean animal, the 1st born had to be sacrificed. If it was an unclean animal it had to be redeemed w/ a sacrifice of a clean animal - you trackin w/ me - all the clean of the 1st born had to be sacrificed, and the unclean had to be redeemed w/ a sacrifice of the clean.

Let me ask you a very simple, theological question - were you born clean or unclean? - You were born unclean, all of us were born into sin, you don’t have to teach your children to be bad, right?

It comes naturally, some a little more than others...

So we were all born unclean... what about Jesus? clean or unclean? Clean - The Clean had to be sacrificed so that the unclean could be redeemed - if there were ever a time for you to say AMEN, this is about as good as a time there could be - I’ll say it again - The Clean had to be sacrificed so that the unclean could be redeemed.

You see this is a principle in God’s Word.. a fundamental truth - now this also works in our finances - the tithe belongs to God, like the 1st born belongs to God - so when we give the 1st, the 1st born of all our animals (or our source of income) the rest were redeemed & blessed - when we give the 1st of our fruits the rest is blessed - this is a principle

You see the tithe is much more than the 10% I know tithe means 10% but there’s more to it than that - it is giving the 1st to God.

It is putting God 1st in the area of your finances and every other area in your life - so the 1st born must be sacrificed. - here’s the 2nd 

2. The First Fruits must be Offered

“The first of the firstfruits of your land you shall bring into the house of the LORD your God.”  Exodus 23:19

“Honor the LORD with your possessions, And with the firstfruits of all your increase; 

So your barns will be filled with plenty, And your vats will overflow with new wine.”  

Proverbs 3:9-10 

Now I already know that many people are well aware of the principle of tithing - they know it, but I wonder, b/c of my past, in all the years I grew up in the church and were taught principles such as the tithe, I knew it, but it wasn’t in my heart.

I wasn’t living the principe day in & day out - there came a point in life where I had to have this heart change... so ... I could stand here today, not just as your pastor, but as a believer in God’s Word and every principle of truth.

Here’s what I know, if I can’t stand up here and teach it, where are people going to learn these truths? The Credit Card companies - don’t leave home w/out it - NO, the church, we have to disciple it.

The 1st fruits belong to God - Do you remember what God said about Jericho?  When the Israelites went into the Promised land God said give me all of the silver and gold from Jericho.

How could He say that?  Why didn’t He say give me 10%?

It’s very simple, b/c Jericho was the 1st city.

Here’s what God is saying, “You give me the 1st and the rest will be blessed.  That’s what tithing is

Some people have asked the question of Cain and Abel’s offering - why did God accept Abel’s offering but not Cain’s? I had always answered in the past, well... God looks at the heart and He saw the true meaning behind each offering - which is true but there’s more - there’s more when we understand the principle of the 1st fruits - let’s read this together:   Gen. 4:3-5

“And in the process of time it came to pass that Cain brought an offering of the fruit of the ground to the LORD. 4 Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat. And the LORD respected Abel and his offering, 5 but He did not respect Cain and his offering.”

One tills the ground, one tends sheep - Abel brought of the 1st born, Cain did not bring of the 1st fruits.... and God... sees this

see this here w/ Cain - God cannot accept an offering that’s not 1st - it’s just the leftovers.

He is the Creator of the Universe, He is before all & above all - He gets our 1st fruit - let me say it this way, if God plays 18 holes of golf, His score is 18 - He cannot hit the ball and it not go in the hole - He cannot do it - He will always be #1

So listen guys, the truth for us is we may be giving 10% and still not tithing - 

here’s the 3rd Fundamental Truth

3. The Tithe must be First

“And all the tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land or of the fruit of the tree, is the LORD’s. It is holy to the LORD.”  Leviticus 27:30

Example: owner of a landscape business & did my backyard all nice and pretty. I paid them $1000 for it - now they have $1000 - how much is the tithe? $100

Which one is the tithe - 1st $100 - you’re saying that because you’re paying attention, that’s good - how do you know which one is the 1st one? the one on the left, middle, right?

It’s the 1st one that leaves your hand - it’s the 1st one you spend - so check this out - don’t give the tithe to the electric co.

The Electric co. doesn’t have the power to bless your finances - they can turn on the power to home and that’s it - what we need to get into our hearts is that God can to and a whole lot more - you trackin? - The 1st one we spend goes to God - now listen I’m not legalistic about this - any of you who know Cathleen and I know that we are far from legalistic - 

When we create the monthly budget in our home, the 1st line on top is the tithe - that is factored in 1st before anything else - it is the 1st check written before anything else. Now if we sit down and put this together and Cathleen went grocery shopping earlier in the day, I don’t say, “Oh that’s great honey, were cursed for a month” because you wrote a check to HEB before I could write the tithe check.

God is not a legalistic God - He looks at our heart - so the 1st one has to go to Him - so when people catch the principle of giving to God 1st, praying to God 1st in the morning, serving God 1st, asking God 1st about something instead of the dimwit in the next cubicle (how do we trust these people w/ our lives over God I’ll never figure that out) - spend time in His Word 1st before my show comes on @ 9 o’clock tonite - If we can get this down it will change our lives!

Putting God 1st

My Grandfather was an amazing man - He was a staff pastor for over 30yrs. all the while working in construction and raising a family including my mother.

I loved to talk bible with him - he’s a stubborn ol’ geezer that’s for sure, but the wisdom is unparalleled.

some time ago, We start talking about tithe, I say absolutely I give 10%  - you too right? I mean c’mon you give 10%? He said, well, no... no we don’t - I immediately begin breaking out the Word of God to show him what I’m talkin about  - he stops me after a while and says, ok, ok, ok if it means that much to you I’ll start giving 10% if it’s that important to you, I’ve been giving 25% but if it’s that important - and once again I come to a place I often find myself w/ the dunce cap on - the realization that my grandparents are much, much wiser than I.

My Grandparents are huge givers. They have lived a very modest lifestyle with plenty of money, but they just gave it away. Someone’s car is brokedown, they’d fix it, have it fixed or buy them another car. My grandfather has probably purchased 20 plus cars but not for himself - I wanna live like this - this is what Dave ramsey is talking about - this is what God is talkin about.

3 Levels of Giving in scripture:

Tithe

Offering 

Extravagant Offering

did you know they are 3 Levels of Giving in scripture:

Tithe

Offering 

Painful Offering

I remember early in my marriage we really didn’t have much money and our church was doing a capital fund raiser to purchase land w/ existing buildings that could be remodeled for church - they asked the congregation to pray about giving to that campaign in a 1 time pledge as well as monthly giving - 

Cathleen and I did not have much money and are praying about what we can give as a 1 time and monthly pledge - in our prayer we both believed that God asked us to give this crazy amount of money (atleast it was to us at that time in our lives) and we thought maybe He forgot how poor we were... so we asked again.... same thing though

So we just did it - we wrote the check and started think about what we were going to cut back on financially... no more food or electricity - I dont know - 

We were staff pastors at the church (not paid/volunteer) but we also were invited by other churches to come while they had week long revivals or one night special events and do children ministry for them so all their folks could attend the event - 

These churches would typically have a predetermined amount on a check already written for us - sometimes it could have been a ‘love offering’ that was taken for us - sometimes it was more of a ‘like offering’ or a ‘not like offering’ 

But after we wrote that check for our church fund-raiser we did the children’s min. during a Christmas party for another church.

They gave us check at the end of night, but the Pastor took that check & went away (to office I suppose) and came back with a different check - we it opened on our way home - it was exactly.... exactly that crazy amount God asked us to give in pledge.

God is amazing!

He blesses those who put Him FIRST - it’s a fundamental principle, 

a fundamental truth in God’s Word.

Do Children Really Need to Learn Responsibility?

Do kids need to develop responsibility? 

Well... if they don’t develop responsibility in life then none of these qualities are even possible...  Confidence, Character, Conviction, Compassion, & Competence if they don’t have responsibility.  Working with children, I see the lack of responsibility manifest itself in three primary ways.  They’re really easy to remember – ABC.  Watch for them.  

Where do you see the lack of responsibility?

A - Apathy.  “I don’t have to care about being responsible.”

B – Blame – “I don’t have to take responsibility because it’s never my fault.  It’s always his fault!”

C – the Care-for-me mentality.  “I’ve been cradled my entire life.  Someone else will figure it out.”

What do you think today’s generation of kids is going to tell their kids about today’s culture?  I don’t think it’s going to be like our parents told us about having to walk to school.  up hill, both ways, barefoot, in the snow, after milking the cows.  Right?  No.  I think today’s generation of kids are going to go, “Life is so tough!  One time my parents made me oversee the housecleaner.  And if I was hungry I had to go to the kitchen and speak directly to our dietitian.”  How do we as parents or significant adults in the life of kids, how do we breed irresponsibility?  How do we move them towards apathy and blame and the care-for-me mentality?

Apathy.  What do we do as parents?  We solve all their problems.  We’re always picking up for them, not making them do anything.  We make money too easy and not valuable enough.  So what kids have learned is that they don’t really need to do much, nor care.  That’s apathy.

Blame.  Why do kids always blame? How about this example: At a soccer game the referee stops the game and sends a girl off the field.  A sixteen year old girl because she had jewelry on.  She gets off the field and the coach jumps on her a little bit.  She replies, “It was the referee’s fault.  He’s supposed to check before the game!”  

Perfect!  What do we do as parents?  We tell our kids they do nothing wrong.  “Sweetheart, you got a bad grade in that class because your teacher just doesn’t know anything!”  or “Son, you’re not getting playing time on that team.  It’s not your fault.  You’re better than every kid on that team.  Your coach is just lame!”  or “Your ears are not big.  Kids call you Dumbo because they like Disneyland.”  Or whatever it might be.  

We tell our kids they do no wrong.

What about the Care-For-Me mentality?  The care-for-mentality happens when we as parents never force our kids to carry their own weight.  What happens is they haven’t moved from this infantile dependence to a healthy independence.  They need to carry their own weight.  That’s part of being a responsible human being.

Here’s the action step.  Allow consequences.  What if they forget their cleats?  Then they miss a game.  And in the scope of life that’s not that big a deal.  Chances are they’ll never do it again.  But when you bail them out all the time and they never take any responsibility for themselves, they’ll never experience any consequences.  

Proverbs 27:12 says “A prudent person foresees the danger ahead and takes precautions.  The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.”  Folks, when we don’t allow kids to experience fair and natural consequences they will remain a simpleton and they will never develop a sense of responsibility. 

So you tell me.... do we really need to teach our kids responsibility?

What does "Hurt" do to you?

When you're hurt by someone what do you do? Do you allow it to make you bitter.... or better? Remember it's your choice on the direction you move. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19