Do Children Really Need to Learn Responsibility?

Do kids need to develop responsibility? 

Well... if they don’t develop responsibility in life then none of these qualities are even possible...  Confidence, Character, Conviction, Compassion, & Competence if they don’t have responsibility.  Working with children, I see the lack of responsibility manifest itself in three primary ways.  They’re really easy to remember – ABC.  Watch for them.  

Where do you see the lack of responsibility?

A - Apathy.  “I don’t have to care about being responsible.”

B – Blame – “I don’t have to take responsibility because it’s never my fault.  It’s always his fault!”

C – the Care-for-me mentality.  “I’ve been cradled my entire life.  Someone else will figure it out.”

What do you think today’s generation of kids is going to tell their kids about today’s culture?  I don’t think it’s going to be like our parents told us about having to walk to school.  up hill, both ways, barefoot, in the snow, after milking the cows.  Right?  No.  I think today’s generation of kids are going to go, “Life is so tough!  One time my parents made me oversee the housecleaner.  And if I was hungry I had to go to the kitchen and speak directly to our dietitian.”  How do we as parents or significant adults in the life of kids, how do we breed irresponsibility?  How do we move them towards apathy and blame and the care-for-me mentality?

Apathy.  What do we do as parents?  We solve all their problems.  We’re always picking up for them, not making them do anything.  We make money too easy and not valuable enough.  So what kids have learned is that they don’t really need to do much, nor care.  That’s apathy.

Blame.  Why do kids always blame? How about this example: At a soccer game the referee stops the game and sends a girl off the field.  A sixteen year old girl because she had jewelry on.  She gets off the field and the coach jumps on her a little bit.  She replies, “It was the referee’s fault.  He’s supposed to check before the game!”  

Perfect!  What do we do as parents?  We tell our kids they do nothing wrong.  “Sweetheart, you got a bad grade in that class because your teacher just doesn’t know anything!”  or “Son, you’re not getting playing time on that team.  It’s not your fault.  You’re better than every kid on that team.  Your coach is just lame!”  or “Your ears are not big.  Kids call you Dumbo because they like Disneyland.”  Or whatever it might be.  

We tell our kids they do no wrong.

What about the Care-For-Me mentality?  The care-for-mentality happens when we as parents never force our kids to carry their own weight.  What happens is they haven’t moved from this infantile dependence to a healthy independence.  They need to carry their own weight.  That’s part of being a responsible human being.

Here’s the action step.  Allow consequences.  What if they forget their cleats?  Then they miss a game.  And in the scope of life that’s not that big a deal.  Chances are they’ll never do it again.  But when you bail them out all the time and they never take any responsibility for themselves, they’ll never experience any consequences.  

Proverbs 27:12 says “A prudent person foresees the danger ahead and takes precautions.  The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.”  Folks, when we don’t allow kids to experience fair and natural consequences they will remain a simpleton and they will never develop a sense of responsibility. 

So you tell me.... do we really need to teach our kids responsibility?