This is always such a prevailing question isnt it....
What do Kids need from Their Parents?
"Well me and sissy (your oldest daughter replies) wanted to head over to the mall to look around, maybe get a pedi & a mani, possibly get a bite to eat and who knows maybe catch a movie."
Your simple response.... "how much money were you thinking you wanted?"
"Oh I dont know... maybe $100 (at that moment sweat beads begin to form & that ugly vein on the side of your neck starts bulging out as your face gets redder and redder... then she concludes her sentence) ........each."
"Each! did you say Each? Each, no way! I thought $100 was too much to share between the 2 of you." You respond at a bit higher octave.
"Oh ok" she says, "We'll share $100."
As you hand her the money you begin wandering to yourself ..... mmmm.... was that their plan all along????
Maybe......
Regardless of how moments like that may occur more often than not, Money is NOT the answer. So what do they need from us?
The first one I want you to write down, it’s very important. What kids need is belief.
Actually your belief in the value of being a parent. It is essential. The belief in the value of being a parent. If you don’t believe that you play a significant role in helping kids understand and embrace purpose & fulfillment in life then you’re in trouble. You’re a significant player & if you dont believe this then you will become nothing more than a shift manager at your own bed and breakfast.
My dream is that some day those of us that have relationship with God and we understand this big picture and we understand that kids are a gift from God that when somebody asks us what we do for a living, we wouldn’t put the value of our paycheck higher than the value of our parenting. Because we always answer with what we do for a career. Subconsciously, in our world, we’ve taken the value of parenting and pushed it down.
What if the next time someone asks you what you do for a living you say, “That’s easy. I’m in charge of socializing two homo sapiens in the dominant values of the Judao-Christian tradition in order that they might be instruments in the transformation of the social order into the teleological described utopian inherent in the echelon that God prescribed.” Then, after you say that, you say, “And what do you do? Just a lawyer?”
Folks, I wanted to start with this one because it’s big. If you don’t believe in the value of your role as a parent you won’t value your role as a parent. And the consequences of your unbelief will sabotage your kids. That’s a biggie.
The second thing I want you to write down that kids need is they need presence.
I know there’s another way to spell this – with a T and that’s what most of them want. But there’s also another way to spell it – like this: TIME. One of the major contributing factors to healthy kids points back to present parents in their life.
Let me tell you something I’ve learned from kids. Parents, they’d much rather have your presence than your money. They’d much rather have your time than your career.
Presence matters.
And actually this idea of presence, this is a biggie to God. Think about this, theological framework is that God’s presence started all this. God’s presence brought all this into being. Then God said, I want them to know Me so much that I’m going to go to earth and be present. That is Jesus. John 1:14 says God became flesh and lived here among us. Then if you’re a Christian if you’ve said yes to God, you’ve stepped across the line and opened your heart to God and said I want You to be Lord, the CEO, the president of my life and God resides in you, what happens? He gives you His Holy Spirit. As it says in 2 Timothy 1:4 “With the help of the Holy Spirit who lives within us.” notice the “within us.” Meaning God’s presence is with us. Presence is a big deal to God. Because we have God’s Spirit in us it can help us be better at being present in our relationships.
Let’s go practical here. Let me give you some things to at least think about.
First, you have to consider your personal sacrifices.
What’s something you’re currently doing that is taking time away from your kids?
What might you need to sacrifice so that your kids aren’t sacrificed?
Here’s another one to write down that I think you ought to consider. Career sacrifices.
What’s something you are doing in your career that you don’t need to be doing to survive?
Here’s another one. This one’s going to push your buttons.
You ditch the cell phone in the car with your kids.
I recently made a commitment to do this. I’m not pretending this is easy. But a lot of you, you get in the car and you think you’re with your kids. You’re not with them, you’re on the phone. When you’re by yourself, use up all your minutes! Do all that. But when you’ve got your kids in your car and you’re thinking, “We’re going to the game. I took my kid to the game.” No you didn’t you were on the phone talking the whole time. You weren’t there. When you’ve got your kid in the car turn the phone off. There was life before mobile phones.
What you don’t realize as a parent you have your kid trapped. That is the time to talk and laugh and sing and point things out and if you have a teenager it’s the time to use one-word sentences. Enjoy those moments. Try it it’s not as easy as you think it might be to ditch the cell phone.
Another one is focus, face them and give feed back.
Your children need you, they really do need YOU.
They need you to believe that and be present.... really present.
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