The Perfect Marriage

Happily Ever After................

CATHLEEN:
Today we are talking about having a perfect marriage. As humans we really are obsessed with the idea of the perfect relationship. After all a good portion of the movies produced are centered around this topic, many of our literary classics revolve around complex relationships, the music industry certainly gives love it’s due. Listen to any group of teenagers or singles talk (regardless of age) and the topic inevitably turns to who likes who or who thinks who is cute or whatever.

I remember when Joe and I first met.......
Cathleen’s recollections
Joe’s recollections

CATHLEEN: We started dating and we married exactly two years later on Feb. 16,1991. Dating is a trip isn’t is? It is exciting and scary and wonderful and frightening all at the same time. It is a time of learning about the person you are dating and discovering things about yourself along the way. It is definitely a journey. The process if dating, if all goes well, leads you to the point of marriage. But it’s not just about the destination, it’s just as much about the journey. One of the greatest complaints of married couples is that their spouse just isn’t ‘the same’ as they were when they were dating. Maybe they don’t dress the same, have as much fun, pay as much attention to each other - whatever the complaint - the issue remains the same. We recognize in dating that the journey of dating is fundamental to the joy dating. To often we get married and feel like we’ve arrived at our destination and we forsake the joy of the journey. The Bible teachers us that at the point of marriage we were no longer JUST Joe and Cathleen, we were, at the moment we make our commitment to one another, two who become one.
“'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'” Matthew 19:5

CATHLEEN: This is where the true journey begins! In pursuing the perfect marriage we have to be ever mindful to not make the very common mistake of seeing a wonderful marriage as a destination but as a journey. Think about it.....
JOE:The bible clearly tells us that we are 1 - the world view however is a 50/50 performance plan, isn’t it? Unfortunately because we live in the world and we see and hear it’s views constantly we begin to get infected with it’s perspective of marriage. That viewpoint says that the marriage relationship is based upon performance - “You do your part, and I’ll do mine.” That perspective and way of thinking is opposite of the Biblical perspective of oneness. Thankfully the Bible even has the answer to this dilemma, it tells us to .... “for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.” Jn. 17;14,15

Why do you suppose it is so easy to conform to the world view of marriage - that 50/50 thing we are talking about? b/c we all have this natural tendency to be self-centered. If we are focused on oneness our view point says what do we need to do? what are our goals? what decision is best for us? where should we spend our money? On the contrary if we are focused on the 50/50 paradigm our viewpoint says I’ve done my share, I’ve worked all week long I should be able too...., what I really want to do is...
“We all, like sheep, have gone astray, 
       each of us has turned to his own way.” Isaiah 53:6
But we live in a culture that promotes and encourages selfishness - “get yours buddy” “you gotta look out for #1”
“I gotta take care of me 1st”
So listen we marry w/ “stars in our eyes” & we cannot see this reality of the 2 r 1 - let me tell you love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

How can we enjoy the journey?

1. Christ must be central

We are all mirrors. We reflect God’s glory back to Him and out to others. in Genesis 1:26-27 we see,
"Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

God made mankind to mirror His image on planet earth. He also made 2 distinctively different humans (male and female) so that together they would reflect the image of God.

Their oneness reflects the character and unity of God.
Their oneness results in carrying out the work of God.
Couples who mirror God’s image experience oneness w/ their Creator.

CATHLEEN:How do we mirror God’s image?
We reflect God’s image when we surrender complete control of our lives to Him. Once we do that we begin to cultivate our relationship with Him thru listening to God by reading His Word and talking to Him in prayer. By developing relationships with other Christ-followers in church or other settings.
Christ must be central in our marriages for us to enjoy the journey
Triangle illustration.

JOE:
2. A Covenant Relationship

God is a covenant God, and He created marriage as a covenant. So before we can understand what marriage is, we need to learn what covenant is. Without the binding commitment of a covenant, a marriage is only a promise on paper, and we can never enjoy the journey if we are not fully committed to the journey.

CONTRACT OR COVENANT?
Once upon a time, in much of the world, including the land that is now the United States, the covenant was the standard form of agreement between two parties. It seems that as society became more civilized, we forgot how to act toward our fellow man, and our spouses too. Look at the modern marriage contract, complete with pre-nuptial agreement. After all, we can try it out, and if it doesn’t work, there’s no risk to anyone.
What ever happened to that “till death do us part” stuff from the wedding vows? If marriage is to last long enough to truly become “one flesh” then there needs to be something more binding than a piece of paper to hold it together.
When God appeared to Abram, He said,
“I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your descendants after you.” Genesis 17:7

Everlasting covenant. What would make a covenant, or any agreement involving man everlasting?
In a covenant, the root concept is commitment. Commitment unto death. If you and I are in covenant, and you have a need, and I am able to fulfill it, there wouldn’t even be any thought about “Should I?” I would desire to meet the need even at the expense of not meeting my own needs.

The marriage covenant is sealed w/ an oath/vows - to one another and to God.
“When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.”
Ecclesiastes 5:4-5


CATHLEEN: paradigm of raising children

A real commitment to covenant relationship is absolutely necessary to enjoy the journey instead of looking to a destination.

JOE:
3. Put spouse 1st - this is living a life of humility. That’s what it means to be humble - to lift others up above yourself.
This goes against the natural tendency to be self-centered.

For us to enjoy the journey we must put our spouse ahead of ourselves. How do we put them 1st and live a life of humility?

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25

JOE: Men, it is so easy to step into the man role of being
decisive, of getting the job done - git er done, of being the fixer - but we can’t see our wives as our project. She is not to be dealt with in tone of finality, in a manner that is critical, as another job to be ‘taken care of’. She is to be treasured. ‘As Christ loved the church’ is not a light statement - He died for the church, he never gave up on the church (the church being people),
He passionately loved the church. Men that’s our part - that’s TRUE manhood.

CATHLEEN: “women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, ” Titus 2:4

How do we love each other according to these Biblical callings?
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

JOE: Love is seeking God’s best for your mate.

Love is action, not emotion.
Love is sacrificial action, not just good intentions.
Love is given in obedience to Christ, not in response to mate’s performance.
Love is expressed verbally and in actions. (5 love lang.)
Love’s goal is the building up of your spouse.

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Luke 10:27

How do you love yourself? You take care of yourself - you treat you with great care so you wont get hurt - you do everything you can to make life good for you.
self-heart - other head- switch
We are to love our spouse as we love ourselves - that good!

CLOSE CATHLEEN:
Ephesians 5:21-33
“Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh."
This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”

How did Christ love the church? He wasn’t critical, he was
merciful, he was patient, he encouraged, he was faithful.

Committed to the Journey.