Living Beyond Myself - How to B.R.E.A.K. F.R.E.E.

HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM ADDICTION

I read this week: "Americans seem hooked on the idea of having addictions. These days almost anyone might have an addiction, if not to drugs or alcohol, then to food, cigarettes, exercise, relationships, sex, shopping, work, video games. Habits that were once called compulsions or just plain weaknesses are now described as addictions. A monthly magazine Lifeline America deals with addictions. More than 200 different kinds of addictions now are dealt with by groups in America."

How do you deal with addictions? A couple of our favorite addictions in America are drinking and eating. Eighteen million have a drinking problem and eating, well - This article says that Americans are 2.3 billion pounds overweight.
I want us to look at how to break free from a habit. I don't care what your habit is. Everybody has got a bad habit. I want to give you nine Biblical steps. When you break a habit there is a spiritual part, a physical part and an emotional part. I want to deal with the emotional and spiritual today. Nine steps from God's word on How Do You Break a Bad Habit?

B.R.E.A.K. F.R.E.E.

B - BEGIN TODAY
Not tomorrow, next week, next month. Have you noticed there are more people going on a diet tomorrow than today? Prov. 27:1 "Never boast about tomorrow. You don't know what will happen between now and then." Quit telling yourself "one of these days". Stop procrastinating. Stop postponing. It's going to be harder to change tomorrow than it is today, because delay always makes a problem worse.
Eccl. 11:4 "If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done!" So what's your excuse, why aren't you working on that problem? The person who really wants to change finds a way; the person who doesn't want to change finds an excuse. Begin today.

R - REFUSE TO BLAME OTHERS
This problem is as old as Adam and Eve. Adam sinned, took it like a man and blamed his wife. "Eve made me do it!" I'll never get better until I accept personal responsibility. I've got to admit it's my problem. Proverbs 19:3 "Some people ruin themselves by their own stupid actions and then blame the Lord." Who are you blaming for your bad problems? Your parents? Your husband? Wife? Teachers? Children? Boss? the devil made me do it? God? To break free I've got to assume responsibility for my life. When you blame you're being lame. B-lame. You're backing off. In order to break a habit you've got to quit excusing yourself and accusing other people. You don't "pass the buck".

E - EXAMINE MY LIFE
I take personal inventory, I do an internal audit, a frank evaluation. I ask myself questions like "What are my weaknesses? How long have I had this problem? Where am I tempted most? What are my fears? What are my frustrations?" You need to do a frank evaluation of your life. Lamentations 3:40 "Let us examine our ways and test them, and return to the Lord." Circle "examine" and "test".
To change I've got to stop pretending. I can't cover up my faults. I've got to come face to face with my faults. The fact is hiding a hurt only intensifies it and makes it worse. Denial prevents healing. Psalm 32:4-5 "My dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration until I finally admitted my sins and stopped trying to hide them. And God forgave me! All my guilt is gone!"

Circle "miserable" and "frustration". God says just admit that you've got a problem and I will forgive and wipe out the guilt in your life!
You need to do an evaluation. This needs to be continual. Healthy people are always evaluating themselves: Am I slipping? Am I making it? Where am I getting off course? Keep short accounts with God. Be honest with God and be honest with yourself.

A - ASK CHRIST TO TAKE OVER MY LIFE
He's waiting to help. You need a power greater than yourself to help you change. You can't change on your own power. Why not go straight to the source?
Romans 6:12-13 (Living Bible) "Don't let sin control your body any longer. Don't give in to its sinful desires but give yourself completely to God -- every part of you -- to be used for His good purposes." He's saying that the solution to your addiction is choose the right master. Every day you're controlled by something: other people, other time schedules, drugs, alcohol, food. You're going to have to serve somebody, why not choose the right master? That's where freedom comes. Instead of having somebody else control my life, you say, "I'm going to have God control my life." That's where freedom takes place. You don't let these other things control you, you let God control you. Circle the word "completely". Often we only want to give God the problem. "God, I'll give you this problem, but let me take the rest of my life." God says, "If you want Me to work on the problem you've got to give Me every area of your life. You've got to give it all to Me, not just a part." You turn the management of your life over to God and that produces incredible power to change.
Why don't most people do it? Because we're afraid we'll become fanatics. If I give over every area of my life I'll lose my fun and my freedom and I'll become a fanatic. The Good News is Jesus said, "I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly." The good news is that you matter to God. God has a purpose for your life and a plan and His plans for your life are good. So you relax and let God take control of your life and He gives you that power. The Bible says that God is for you, not against you. So I ask Christ to take over my life. Instead of being controlled by something else, I'm going to be controlled by God. And that produces freedom. You're going to serve somebody or something.

K - KEEP AWAY FROM THE TEMPTATION
This just makes sense. If you don't want to get stung by the bees you stay away from them. You need to avoid the situations where you are tempted.
Romans 13:14 (Phillips translation) "Don't give any chances for the flesh to have it's fling." Don't put yourself in tempting situations. If I have a problem with drinking, I don't stock a bar in my house. If I have a problem with lust, I don't go to those news stands that carry that kind of stuff or play with fire online. If I have a problem with overeating, I don't move next to a fast food place. I don't stock pile my home with junk food. I stay away from the things that cause me problems.
I thought of an invention the other day for dieters: A refrigerator that every time you opened it, it weighed you.
You don't put yourself in compromising situations - where you know you're going to be tempted. (video: "Temptation" Volume 2 from www.visualrealityonline.com )

Proverbs 24:27 "Plan carefully what you do. Avoid evil." Plan to avoid temptation. The key to overcoming temptations is to decide in advance. You don't wait, teenagers, or singles, until you're in the back seat of a parked car to say, "Do I want to stay pure?" You don't wait until you're sitting in a bar until you say, "Do I want to drink?" You plan in advance. You decide to avoid it in advance. Predetermine, is what he's saying here.
If you don't want to get involved sexually before you get married, plan your dates. You'll either go by your plans or your glands. One of them is going to win out!
asked a guy how he quit smoking. He said, "I wet my matches." He planned in advance.
Ephesians 4:27 "Don't give the devil a foothold." Don't put yourself in those situations, in compromising situations. It may mean you have to choose some new friends. If your friends bring you down, you need new friends. Maybe you need to change jobs. Maybe you need to move. The Bible says, "Flee temptation." Run from it, avoid it!
Most of us, when we flee temptation, we leave a forwarding address. Keep away from it! Burn your bridges! Do the smart thing and stay away from situations that tempt you.
That's the negative part: Stay away from situations that cause your downfall. The positive part is this:

F - FOCUS ON SOMETHING BETTER
Proverbs 4:23 "Be careful how you think, your life is shaped by your thoughts." Circle "thoughts". The Bible says that the spiritual battle for sin is fought in the mind. If you want to change your life, it starts right here. Whatever captures my attention, captures me.
The key to resisting temptation is not to resist it. You simply refocus your attention. You mentally change channels. The only way you have victory over temptation is to refocus your attention on something else.
Whatever you concentrate on gets you. Have you ever concentrated on a diet? The right portions, the right times. The more you concentrate on the diet all you can think about is food. I think about food much more when I'm on a diet than when I'm not on a diet. It's like I'm consumed with the thought of food when I concentrate on it. That's not the way to break a habit. The key is to turn your mind and focus on something better. Don't think about the diet, losing weight, refocus on living a healthy lifestyle. What does that take?
The moment you're tempted you turn your mind to something else. Switch channels. What do you focus on?
Philippians 4:8
"Fill your mind with things that are good and deserve praise; things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable."
This is the principle of replacement. You replace the bad with the good. Vacuums do not exist in the world. They are artificially created. If you create a vacuum, something fills it. My gas tank is never empty: it's always either filled with gas or with air. Gas replaces the air, air replaces the gas. One thing is going to fill it.
You may think your mind is empty. You say you're going to get rid of a thought. But it will come right back unless you replace something else with it. The principle of replacement. The power of a positive affection -- when you want to get rid of a bad thought, fill it with a good thought. That's the way you push it out. You push it in the front door and it goes out the back door. You replace old thoughts with new ones. That's why Romans 12:2 says "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
This sixth step is to focus on the positive. Focus on something better. The Bible says you fill your mind with positive things and when you know the truth, What does John 8:32 say, "The truth will set you free." You fill your mind with the word of God.

R - RESTORE BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS
Why is this important? Anything that is out of control in your life is hurting somebody else. When we have addictions we manipulate other people to fulfill those addictions. We end up causing grief to ourselves, grief to others and guilt to ourselves. You need to make those things right. Go to those people you've hurt and restore those relationships.
Romans 12:18 (Phillips translation) "As far as your responsibility goes, live at peace with everyone." That may take some time. But you take the initiative. You make a list of people that your habit has harmed and you go to those people and you ask forgiveness and you offer restitution and as much as your responsibility, you try to make things right.
Why? A clear conscious is essential for change. For permanent, lasting change you must maintain a clear conscious. If you don't maintain a clear conscious, I don't give you much hope for lasting change. Go back and make things right.
This is the hardest step -- to go back and admit to people that my problem caused you a problem, my guilt caused you grief. The Bible says as much as it's your responsibility go and live at peace with everybody. Get that clear conscious so you've got God's power in your life to keep on keeping on.

E - ENLIST A SUPPORT GROUP
The eighth Biblical principle in breaking free is to enlist a support group. We all need reinforcement. We all need support. Eccl. 4:9-10 "Two are better off than one, because together if one of them falls down, the other can help him up. But if someone is alone and falls there is no one to help him." That makes sense. He's talking about the law of diminishing intent. It goes like this: As time passes, best intentions fade. You start out great in January. Two weeks later you're back in your old habits.
Why? It's a cycle. You start out in humility: "God, I'm not making it. I need your help." God gives grace to the humble. He gives us the power to change when we're humble. So He gives you the power to make it. After about six months you start thinking, "I'm making it!" And you get full of pride. The Bible says in Proverbs 16 that pride leads to a fall. And you fall again. Then in humility you say again, "God, I'm not making it. I need your help." And you get God's power. If you'd live in that humility you'd stay there. But then you get full of pride again.
The moment you think, "I've got this thing licked!" you're in dangerous water. The moment you think this is no longer a problem you're in dangerous water (C. & I – never say never).
How do we break the cycle? We need support. We need friends who will pray for us, care for us, encourage us, keep us on track. When that law of diminishing intent takes effect those people are there to spur us on. Two are better than one because they help each other up.
"Confess your sins to each other..." Not just to God, or to a priest! This says I've got to confess my sins to you and you've got to confess your sins to me. I don't like that verse at all! "... and pray for each other so that you may be healed."

I like the healing part of this verse. I want to be emotionally healed. I want to be physically healed, spiritually healed. I want to break the grasp of this habit on my life. How? By confessing to each other and praying for each other. Not just to God, but to each other. This is one of the keys. This is the price for freedom.
Some of you have a habit and you want to break it. But you don't want anybody to know about your problem. I say "Good luck!" I don't give you any hope of lasting change. I really don't. This is the very attitude we talked about last week that says, "I can do it on my own and I don't want other people to know that I'm a human being with normal problems and weaknesses and faults and failures. I want them to think I'm perfect!" That is the very attitude that will keep you in bondage. It is essential that you learn to live a transparent life before people (Cathleen and I open book). I've got strengths and I've got weaknesses. Here they are.

This is one of the purposes of the church! The church is to be a support group, to encourage each other and lift each other up. This is the value of small groups. Every Christian needs to be in a small group. There is no such thing as 'Rambo' Christians. You need to be in a small group where people pray for you, care for you, encourage you. There's a feeling of freedom to know that everybody's in the same boat. We all have the same problems. When you find somebody who says, "I've been there! We've made it through and I'm on the other side now. Let me give you some encouragement." That gives you the motivation to break out of the cycle of starting and stopping and hiding your hurt.

Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.

That's where it starts. If you can't admit it to somebody you can't work on it.
Some of you are thinking, "I'm going to quit, but I'm not going to tell anybody that I'm quitting." And I say, that's a cop out. You're making provision for the flesh. You're providing an escape hatch. What you're thinking is, "I'm going to try but if it doesn't work out nobody knows that I even tried and it's no big deal. Nobody knows so it's all right." You are guaranteeing failure. You're providing an escape hatch by which you can get out. You need a support group.
(tough ? - who do you need tell what's going on?)
That's why we have small groups. We have groups that deal with our problems and we share. We get into God's Word and we pray together and we have a good time. Even in those there is tremendous emotional healing taking place and encouragement and people given the lift that they need to make the changes God wants to make in their lives. We need a support group. We need each other. We can press on b/c of their support (Eldon and I running)
When we've done these first eight steps then comes the ninth step.

E - EXTEND MYSELF TO OTHERS
2 Cor. 1:4 (Good News) "Christ helps us in all our troubles, so that we are able to help others in trouble, using the same help that we ourselves have received from God." God allows us to go through problems, even the ones I've brought on myself, and then He helps us through those problems so that we can turn around and help other people with the same comfort we've been given. God wants to take your greatest weakness, the area you're ashamed of and you don't want anybody to know about and make it your ministry. He wants to help you through this problem and help you overcome it, and get victory in it and then give you a ministry of helping other people with the exact same problems.

(more on this next week)

God never wastes a hurt.
My prayer is that some of you are going to start putting into practice these nine steps and you're going to get involved in a group and give all areas of your life to Christ and you're going to start seeing these changes and you're going to get victory over that area you've been ashamed of and has been a habit and problem in your life and two years you're going to have a ministry to those very people that have the problem that you have right now. That is the ultimate high! Being used of God to help other people. There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that God is using you to help people. And what does He use in your life? Not your strengths. He uses your weaknesses! The very area that I don't want anybody to know about, God uses in your life.

I am scared to death to speak in front of other people. You can't believe that but I am. I used to try to get everything out in breath - my voice would start shaking and yet God has used this in my life to reach others. Go figure – that's what He does. God wants to take your life, your habits, your hang ups, your hurts -- and they're not there by accident -- and He wants to turn them around in your life to serve Him and others.

Galatians 6:1-2 "If a person is trapped in some sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself; you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ."

If you want to be like Christ, if you want to be loving and have the law of Christ in your life, carry each other's burdens.
When you share a burden, it's halved -- only half as heavy when somebody else is carrying it with you. That's what I think God wants a church to be, where we carry each other's burdens. My prayer is that our church will be a place where people say, "That's for fellow strugglers. Nobody thinks they've got it together there. Everybody thinks they have hang-ups there but they're all working on it. That church is just a bunch of saved sinners." That's exactly what we are. No better and no worse. So we extend ourselves to other people.
When you take these nine steps look at God's promise. I Cor. 10:13 (Good News) "God keeps His promise; He will not allow you to be tempted beyond your power to resist; at the time you are tempted He will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out." God says I will give you the power to overcome that temptation, that habit and provide a way out. This promise is not for everybody. You cannot go out and say, "I've got a problem with overeating, set down to several orders of ice cream and then say, `God, provide a way out!' ... God, I have a problem with lust but I'm going to keep looking at that junk online." You need to do these other steps. You can only claim the promise when you're following the principles. It starts by making Jesus Christ the master of your life.
2 Peter 2:19 talks about people who are slaves of destructive habits, "For a man is a slave of anything that has conquered him." What's in control in your life? Whatever is in control is your master. If you say, "I'm in control of my life" then look where it got you. A self made man worships his maker. The fact is you need something bigger than yourself to pull you out of yourself to pull you out of the problems that you're causing on yourself. The Bible says you're going to serve somebody. You're going to serve money or power or sex or food or drugs or drink or gambling or shopping... something. Real freedom comes when you chose the right master. These steps work but it starts with a decision.

If you have someone in your family who's messing up their life with a habit, an addiction, whatever, you must care enough to confront. You cannot let them get away with it. You must confront them and say, "I'm not going to stand for it! You will get your act together! You will get help! But I'm not going to support you and bail you out!" You must have tough love, you must care enough to confront.

We've only talked about the spiritual and the emotional this morning. There is a physical part. I'm a firm believer in rehab programs, like 'Teen Challenge' and others that are not necessarily Christ centered but are for detoxification or withdrawal -- but you need the spiritual basis for lasting, permanent change.

To 'Live Beyond Ourselves' we must break free from the hurts, the bad habits, and hang-ups that really are just tying us down. They are keeping us from becoming so much more that God has in store.