I'd like to begin today with a survey of the various types of lessons that you may have had in your lifetime. How many of you have ever taken some type of music lessons? How many have taken any swimming lessons? How about golf lessons? How many have ever taken dance lessons? Cooking lessons? Horseback riding? Tennis? Scuba diving? Underwater basket weaving?
You get the idea. Our society believes in continuing education. HCC - community college their catalog is incredible -- all the stuff that's in it. While all of these lessons are very good, there's one area of lessons that most of us has never had any public, formal training in. Yet it's the most important area of all. Relationships. We all need lessons on relationships. We all need lessons on loving.
I Corinthians 13:4 "Love is kind." What does that mean? Pres. Bush Sr. wanted a "kinder, gentler nation." What does it mean to be kind? Kindness is love in action. Phillips translation, "Love looks for a way of being constructive."
Circle "being constructive." Love looks for a way of improving somebody else's life. It builds people up.
Today we want to talk about How to Be a Body Builder.
Romans 15:2 says "We should consider the good of our neighbor and build up his character." How do I build up the people in my life?
This message today is for everybody. If you've been a teacher, a parent, a husband, a wife, a friend, if you work with business partners, if you go to school -- all of us have people around us we'd like to build up, that we'd like to bring out the best in.
To truly 'Live Beyond Myself' I have to come to the place where it's not all about me – and I have to do my best to bring out the best in others. That's 'Living Beyond Myself'
How do we do that?
1. GIVE THEM A PERSONAL CHALLENGE
Ephesians 4:1 "I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." Paul is urging people to make their life count. He's challenging them. He's saying don't waste your life. Be all that God made you to be. Make your life count. Why? Because we all need a cause, a project, to dare to dream BIG which calls forth the best in our lives. It strengthens us.
For twelve years the Green Bay Packers won only thirty percent of their games. By 1958 they were 1 - 10. They had a losing season for twelve years. Terrible team. Along came a guy named Vince Lombardi. He was a people builder. During the next nine year reign at the Packers he had nine winning seasons, they beat their opponents 75% of the time and walked away with 5 national championships including the first two Superbowls. He turned a losing team into a winning team. Lombardi was a people builder.
He knew how to bring out the best in people by issuing personal challenges to the players. (video: www.vincelombardi.net )
We all know that there is more to life than just living for yourself. There must be a cause, reason, purpose that I'm here than to just take up space. All of us need somebody in our lives who can inspire us to be what we could be. There are people in your life that God wants to use you to be a people builder, bring out the best in others, to inspire people to be what he knows they could be.
How do we know what God wants us to be?
By looking at our S.H.A.P.E.
God has shaped us for significance. We have been shaped to serve God and others.
S - spiritual gifts
H - heart
A - abilities
P - personality
E - experiences
"God has given each of you some special abilities; be sure to use them to help each other, passing on to others God's many kinds of blessings."
He says look at your S.H.A.P.E.
The way you know what God wants to do in your life is to look at how He's gifted you, how He's talented you, your personality... (go to April 10th, 2005 - AT YOUR SERVICE - Discover Your Design)
One of the hot markets today in our world is the Career Planning Market. Seminars are popping up everywhere. Temperament analysis. Competency tests. Capability consultants. People are shelling out big, big bucks to get people to tell them what they're good at. Why? Because we all need somebody who will issue us a personal challenge. Somebody who will help us discover what we're good at, bring the best out in us.
Somebody who can find a challenge that will develop us and strengthen us.
The Bible teaches that that's what the church is to do. That's one of the goals of our church. A place of "Life Development." We're here to help be people builders, to help people discover and develop what God made them to be. There's a whole process here at our church --
to raise up committed Christians to be leaders in the kingdom of God.
That is all about discipleship development. We are also committed to helping others discover exactly what it is that God has designed you to be, and then create opportunities for you to succeed. It's a top priority of ours here in our church to help you become what God wants you to be in Him. You need people builders. Rather than criticizing the worst in others, they bring out the best, they challenge the best in others.
I want you to evaluate yourself on these four qualities today. From one to ten how much time do I spend thinking about challenging others? Drawing out the strengths of others? Peter Drucker said,
"We need to build on people's strengths and make their weaknesses irrelevant." All of us have weaknesses but you build on your strengths. If you're going to be a people builder, to bring out the best in the people around you, give them a personal challenge.
2. GIVE THEM COMPLETE CONFIDENCE
Romans 15:2 "We who are strong in the faith ought to help the weak in order to build them up in the faith." We all need confidence.
When somebody believes in you it brings out the best in you.
It gives you the courage. "I know you can do it!" Jesus did this with Peter. Peter's name "Petros" meant pebble. Jesus said, "Pebble, you're going to be a rock. I'm giving you a new name." [His name was Peter Simon bar Jonah which means Son of John. So, I guess his real name was Rock Johnson.] When Jesus said that to Peter he was anything but a rock. He was Mr. Impulsive, Mr. Foot-in-Mouth, Mr. Hey! Let's Do It! -- Walking on water and the slip. Jesus said you're going to be a rock. Jesus didn't tell him what he was; He told him what he could be -- that's potential, that's building confidence.
Whenever you label somebody you reinforce what they are.
Lazy, unorganized, temper problem. Don't tell people what they are,
tell them what they could be. Build them up.
One time God said to a man in the Old Testament, "Gideon, " (Gideon is hiding from the enemy army in a well threshing grain.) He said, "Gideon, you are a mighty man of courage." Gideon was the biggest wimp out there. Yet God said, "This is what I see in you. You can become a man of courage." That's what it means to build people up by giving them confidence. Encourage them.
I Thes. 5:11 "Encourage one another and build each other up."
this is talking about the power of affirmation. If you're going to be a people builder you've got to be good at encouragement. Ken Blanchard who wrote
'The One Minute Manager' said, "Catch people doing something right and then tell them."
We all need encouragement. For years, I have kept an
Encouragement File. It consists of notes, cards, letters & I file it. . On those days when I'm discouraged and down and tired, I get out that Encouragement File and I read through all the letters and cards that I've collected over the years. I read both of those letters over and over. It's encouraging to me to know that at some time in my life my mother and my wife thought I had some kind of value! We all need encouragement.
“It was the annual sales conference when the award was presented to the outstanding sales agent of the year. The woman who had performed spectacularly that year gave all the credit to her sales manager. As she stood before the crowd of 63,000 she recalled the slump she had been in for two years before. The future looked bleak and she was ready to resign. She tried to quit several times. Now she's the Number One Agent. The supervisor kept reinforcing her confidence. Her voice cracked as she related the story, "All those months I wanted to quit and didn't think I had a future, someone believed in me more than I did in myself. She wanted me to succeed even more than I did."
Who can say that about you? That you believe in them more than they do?
That you want them to succeed more than they do?
If you want to be a people builder you've got to give people a challenge and then you've got to say, "I know you can do it!"
Whether you're working with your kids, your husband, your wife,
your employees --
"I know you can do it."
Suggestions on giving encouragement:
1. When you encourage people it needs to be real, from the heart and not some kind of phony manipulation. It needs to be sincere, genuine, real.
2. It needs to be regular. Don't be stingy with encouragement. Give it out all the time. Encourage everybody -- the waitress, your children, all around you.
3. It needs to be recognizable. For it to be effective you need to be precise. The more specific you are in encouraging people, the greater the impact it has on them, the more power it packs. Don't say, "I enjoyed the meal." Say, "I can tell you spent a lot of time putting effort into this meal and the seasoning that you put into this was just perfect." Don't say, "You did a good job." Say, "I noticed you handled that cranky customer with class and tact and you really maintained your cool under pressure." Don't say, "That was a good article." Say, "I noticed that your thoughts were organized. You had really thought it out and covered all the bases." Be specific.
Have you ever had a compliment and you didn't know whether it was a compliment or not?
Rate yourself on how you encourage others.
Give yourself 1 to 10 -- 10 being best.
Parents, when was the last time you wrote a specific note of encouragement to your children about a strength that they have? Their creativity or faithfulness or honesty? This message has convicted me of writing more notes to my family. When was the last time, husbands/wives, you wrote a love note to your spouse? When was the last time you wrote a note of encouragement to a teacher that's doing a good job? Teachers always hear about when they're doing a bad job with our kids. When was the last time you wrote a note to encourage a friend who's had a major impact in your life? I encourage you to write it down. Be specific. A note says you took the time to care.
I hear people say, "Whenever something is wrong I hear it from my boss!" That boss has poor leadership. If you only hear from your boss when you do something wrong, that's poor leadership.
(quite often boss at Pepsi says, let me say something about...)
3. GIVE THEM HONEST COUNSEL
There is no progress without learning. There is no learning without feedback. We all need honest feedback. Since none of us is perfect our perception gets off base and we need people to say "You're off base!" We all need people who will lay it out on the line and be honest with us. Occasional correction.
Proverbs 27:17 (Good News) "People learn from one another, just as iron sharpens iron." We bring out the best in each other. "An honest answer is the sign of a true friendship." A real friend will tell you when you're making a mistake. A real friend will level with you. They care enough to correct, confront. They'll lay it on the line. Even when it's painful they'll tell you the truth. "I think you're off base here. You're wasting your time or life." They don't just let people waste their life in silence. Prov. 27:6 (Good News) "A friend means well even when he hurts you." He's doing it for your benefit.
Correction is very powerful, dangerous stuff. Correction done the right way builds people up. But correction done the wrong way can scar a person for life. When you correct somebody it's very serious. Do it the right way. What is the difference between the right and wrong way to correct?
It's your attitude in correcting. If your attitude is "I'm going to point out this weakness in your life just to be pointing it out because it's wrong!" If that's your attitude, forget it! Don't do it. People don't need to have their faults pointed out. We're all very well aware of our faults for the most part. If all you're going to do is point out somebody's faults, don't do it. The purpose has to be not to condemn but to correct, to help them make a change in their behavior. You need to ask yourself, "What's my motive in this? Am I correcting them for my benefit or for their benefit?" A lot of times we want to correct people just because they're being jerks and they're hassling us. We think "If they stop being a jerk my life would be easier." That's the wrong motive. We don't correct people for our benefit. We correct them as an honest friend, for their benefit.
How do you do it for the right motive?
Ephesians 4:15 "Speak the truth in love." That's the attitude. Love means giving the person what they need not what they deserve. The motive has got to be not to condemn but to correct. You speak the truth in love.
How? The key to proper correction: You affirm the person, correct the behavior. Whether it's a friend, a child, a husband, a wife, a boss -- affirm the person, correct the behavior.
One of the greatest basketball coaches that ever lived, year after year of consecutive NCAA championships for the Bruins, was an incredibly successful man. One of his final seasons, a couple research psychologists went to study his coaching techniques. His technique was what he called scold-instruct. He would say to a person, "Don't do it `this' way, do it `this' way." Then he would demonstrate it. He'd show them how he wanted it done. The purpose was never to say, "You're blowing it. You're doing it the wrong way!" The purpose was always, "No, it's not like that. It's like this." He always demonstrated what he wanted. So the focus was on improvement not punishment.
A child psychologist named Aldrich who works with delinquent children says, "Let's say your child, as most children do at some point, engages in some petty theft. Perhaps a pack of candy. If you say to him, `Now we know what you are. You're a thief. We'll be watching you from now on.' It's quite likely he'll steal more and quickly graduate from stealing candy to stealing cars. On the other hand, if you react with both firmness and gentleness by saying, `Son, that wasn't like you at all. We're going to have to go back to the store and clear this up. But we're not going to make a huge thing about it because what you did was wrong and you know it was wrong and I'm sure that you'll never do it again." After that kind of treatment, most kid's stealing is going to end.
You focus on affirming the person, correct the behavior. Speak the truth in love.
Rate yourself on this one, one to ten. How good am I at correcting without condemning?
4. GIVE THEM FULL CREDIT
If you want to be a people builder -- bring out the best in the people in your life -- give them full credit. Praise the growth and the changes you do see in their lives. Romans 12:10 "Let us have real, warm affection for each other and a willingness to let others have the credit." Have you ever heard the saying,
"God can do great things through the person who doesn't care who gets the credit."
One of the things that impressed me about Norman Schwarzkopf in the desert Storm Operations was that he was constantly giving the credit away. He was always pointing to the guys in the trenches, to his under command, to the President, Colin Powell, or whoever. Schwartzkaff was a genius, 170 IQ, a mastermind. He was always giving the credit away.
How do you do on that? How quickly do I share the credit? Usually we like to share the blame but keep the credit. God says the mark of maturity is to accept the blame and share the credit. The exact opposite.
When you look at these four things on how to be a People Builder:
Give Them a Personal Challenge, Give Them Complete Confidence,
Give Them Honest Counsel and Full Credit -- that's a lot of work.
Yes, and you won't always feel like doing it. Kindness always costs. There's a price tag for being a people builder. It requires time, effort, money, energy, lack of privacy. It always costs to be kind. Most of all it costs unselfishness. It takes unselfishness to be a people builder. Usually we're so caught up in our own thing we don't have time to build anybody else up. We focus on me, myself, I.
I don't care about anybody else; I'm focusing on me. It takes unselfishness. It costs to be kind.
Why should you do it then? Hebrews 10:24 "In response to all God has done for us, let us outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other."
God's been kind to you, you owe it to others! The Romans, back when the first Christians were forming after Jesus Christ came to earth, used to confuse the word "cristos" with "crestos". Cristos means Christ. Crestos, in Latin, means kindness. What a great confusion! If anything ought to be synonymous it ought to be kindness and a Christian. Christians ought to be the most kind people in the work force. What does it mean to be kind? You give people personal challenges, you raise their confidence, you offer honest counsel and you give them the credit. That's what it means to be kind to people, to look for ways of being constructive, building them up.
How do you rate as a people builder? How many people do you know would say that you do this to them? I give you a challenge. I want to challenge you. I want to give you a new objective for life. Whether you live another year, five years, ten years or a hundred years I want to challenge you to make as your primary objective of life that "I will commit myself for the rest of my life of being a people builder." Say, "Starting today, I'm going to commit the rest of my life, no matter how much it is, to bringing out the best in people that I come in contact with. I'm going to dedicate my life to actively looking for constructive ways to building people up."
Imagine the impact that our church family could have if we would commit ourselves to being people builders. Everybody we come in contact with, we're going to try to bring out the best in them, help them to develop what God made them to be. First by sharing Christ, the Good News, with them and then helping them grow and become and recognize their strengths. That's the purpose of our church. We're a Life Development Church -- to help people grow and be what God made you to be.
If you do that, Proverbs 11:17 says (Good News) "You do yourself a favor when you're kind." The New International Version says, "The kind man benefits himself."
When you help other people succeed, you succeed. When you help other people win, you win. Any executive of a successful corporation will tell you that is true. You make other people successful and it makes you successful. What you sow, you reap. I challenge you to say, "I'm going to become as my life objective a people builder, no matter what else I get done."
I want to 'Live Beyond Myself' – do you? I want to be a people builder. I'm committed to bringing out the best in you and help you discover and develop what God made you to be. Kind people are happy people, fulfilled people. Unkind people are miserable. People who think only of themselves no matter how much money they've got are miserable. It's the people who give their lives away that really enjoy life.
Let's be people who live beyond ourselves!
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