Glorifying God in Marital Conflict
In order to resolve conflict biblically, commit first to dealing with conflict in a way that brings glory to God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God... let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:9,16
Glorifying God in Marital Conflict
A. The glory of God in marriage
“...whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Cor. 10:31
1. What is God’s glory? The _display__ or_manifestation_ of the perfection and excellency of _God’s character and
attributes_.
ask: What are some character traits and attributes of God?
(kind, merciful, forgiving, accepting, loving)
2. How does God intend for marriage to display His Glory_?
God intends the husband and wife relationship to glorify Him through the lifelong, day-by-day display of sacrificial servant-like
love of Christ for the Church.
Dennis Rainey
3. How can I please and honor God in the midst of _conflict_ in my marriage?
a) The first step is to _understand why God created marriage__.
Marriage exists to magnify the truth and worth and beauty and greatness of God. - John Piper
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Gen. 1:27
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Gen. 2:24
(this is huge to understand the ideal of oneness - in marriage we are no longer on our own - we are one.
How do the relationships that we are involved in grow?
In Sacrifice.
We turn away from our own selfish wants and desires and we sacrifice what we may want to do, or where to go, or where not to go – WHY?
It is purely done out of love. - in sac. we grow together as 1)
The second step is to _understand how humanity’s fall into sin radically altered God’s intent for marriage.
Instead of oneness, couples experience:
Shame, guilt, and fear
Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." Gen. 3:7-10
Blame
The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." Gen. 3:12-13
(Adam didn’t stand a chance - nude woman offering food)
A battle for control
To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Gen. 3:16
(when we lose sight of the fact that we are 1 - we begin to exper. these effects: shame, guilt, fear, the blame game game, and this batlle for control)
4. The _fall of man__ has defaced the image of God
(_His glory_) in marriage. (we must remember we are 1)
The glory of God and marital conflict
1. Every spouse sins__in his marriage and falls far short of the _glory_ God intends for marriage to display
(Romans 3:23). “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
2. Through Jesus Christ_ and His victory on the cross__, God has given the resources_and _ability_ to live at peace with Him and each other.
(here today and you do not have a real rel. w/ J/C nows the time -maybe you haven’t fully accessed all God has to offer in Christ - maybe you’ve been trying to work this conflict on your own b/c you are a strong indiv. of strong character, but things are just not going the way you want - it’s not all rosy w/picket fences - God has the answer today)
God is saying, “I want in on your mess, let Me in on the mess”
a) Marital conflict provides _opportunity_ to glorify God by displaying_ His character and _ attributes__.
(God is telling us that stumbling blocks are actually stepping st)
b) Couples reflect__God’s glory__by being kind and tender-hearted _toward_one another, _forgiving_each other as God in Christ has forgiven them (Ephesians 4:32.)
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
We are mirrors
3. When marital conflict arises, a _peacemaker_in marriage will view the _conflict_ not as an accident, but as an _assignment__ to glorify God.
Summary:
Glorifying God in Marital Conflict
God created marriage to magnify His truth, worth, beauty, and greatness, and to reflect the glory of His character (including the attributes of love and forgiveness).
You can choose to respond to marital conflict in a way that will either honor or dishonor God. (Life is full of choices)
Glorifying God in marital conflict involves joyfully embracing the conflict as an assignment from God (James 1:2).
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,” (are we going to face conflict in marriage? - how will you respond?)
Action Point Suggestions:
Reflect on the impact of the fall of man on marriage relationships. Discuss with your spouse how these same factors have been a part of your marriage.
When conflict occurs, I will consciously ask myself, “How can I please and honor God in the midst of this conflict in my marriage?”
Memorize Ephesians 4:32, so that in the midst of conflict, you can remember to respond in a Christ-like manner.
Exposing the Idols in Our Hearts and Marriages
Application Project #1
INDIVIDUAL SECTION (25 minutes)
Setting:Stay together as a couple, but complete this section quickly without any interaction.
Objective:To identify any idols that may be the source of conflict in your marriage.
Read James 4:1-2, Exodus 20:4-5, and Psalm 115:4-8.
James 4:1-2 teaches that the source of conflict is my pleasures and desires. And we have learned that even good desires can become bad demands and that it is a short step from bad demands to idols. We also learned that these desires originate in our hearts and produce all sorts of marital conflicts.
Although we may not realize it, every time we choose anger, isolation, bitterness, unforgiveness, or any other response to marital conflict other than love and forgiveness from our hearts, we are choosing to worship an idol that never fulfills and always traps us in marital conflict (see Psalm 115:4-8). As the Bible says, all who worship idols shall become like them: deaf, mute, and dumb, without any power to fulfill or to deliver from the traps that conflict brings.
Think about the Scriptures you just read in light of one of your typical marital conflicts. Are there any desires that become demands that tend to rule your heart in the midst of your marital conflict?
After praying, ask yourself, “How can I glorify God by changing the way I respond to my spouse when conflict arises? What controlling desires (idols) must I deal with? Write down any insights you have.
Confess to God and claim His promise of forgiveness in Jesus Christ for any controlling desires (idols) He shows you (I John 1:9). Commit to change with the help of God’s Spirit and His Word. Humbly share with your spouse and agree to hold one another accountable.
Your marriage “exists to magnify the truth and worth and beauty and greatness of God”. Write down some steps you need to take in order for your marriage to serve this “magnifying” purpose (read Ephesians 5:22-33).
INTERACTION SECTION (35 minutes)
Setting: Stay together as a couple and complete this section with interaction.
Objective: To discuss the feelings, attitudes, and thoughts that each of you has on this subject.
Share with your spouse what you learned about any controlling desires that have caused conflict in your marriage.
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such (a word) as is good for edification according to the need (of the moment) so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:29-32
After reading these verses, spend time discussing ways to improve your communication in order to glorify God in your marriage by handling conflict as He prescribes.
Pray and then write down at least one action point you agree to take as a couple.
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