A few weeks ago Joe and I talked about this series and we set today as a day that I would give the message.
1 Timothy 6:3-12 - "If anyone teaches false doctrines and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, 4he is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions 5and constant friction between men of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.
6But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
11But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness (acting in accord with divine or moral law : free from guilt or sin), godliness (god-like) , faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12Fight the good fight of the faith."
Share thoughts on how I felt ‘this must be it’ and how God molded that into an emphasis on gentleness. Specifically...fighting with gentleness.
As I pondered the 2 points we are going to be looking at I had a moment of reality. Do you ever have those moments when God gives you the opportunity see something in it’s full perspective? 20/20 I had one of those moments. It was humbling - it was very dramatic for me. God allowed me to see, in a flash, how much he has changed me in some areas in my life and as I stood there pondering these changes, He spoke very gently to my heart and said, ‘You are going to share a testimony you didn’t even know you had.’ Our testimony = our story
Revelation 12:10b-11 tells us....
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
11 They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
So many times I’ve heard people say, “I don’t have a good testimony - I don’t have anything interesting to say.” Expand
Testimony is simply the story of our life or of specific events (in the short term or long term) in our lives. And the beautiful thing about sharing our testimony is that you never know what God is going to do with it. But the Bible is clear that ‘the word of our testimony’ is what overcomes the power of Satan in our lives and in the lives of others. Our testimony injects hope, faith, endurance and the truth of God’s promises or His faithfulness into the lives of those around us and encourages us to keep going and growing in Christ. So when God said to me ‘You are going to share a testimony you didn’t even know you had.’ I knew exactly what He meant. Because when it comes to fighting with gentleness, this has been a huge process of repentance, restoration and change in my life. And I’ll tell you right now that I have not fully arrived but as that old cigarette commercial says ‘I’ve come a long way baby’. And so when I talk about the things I am going to talk about today I speak from experience. I share with you a history of behavior that is embarrassing, and frankly, shameful to me. But I rejoice in the journey that God has lead me on and the renewal he has done in my life in regards to fighting with gentleness.
When you are in deep relationship with others you will argue......period. I’m not talking about knock down drag outs. I’m saying there will be times that you don’t agree with one another and you will disagree with enough conviction that you’ll feel you need to defend/explain yourself, or to attempt to change someone else’s mind.
You will argue for a variety of reasons - and you will do this because that’s what people who are in deep relationship do - occasionally. It’s just gonna happen. Arguing is not bad. Disagreeing with someone or having them disagree with you is not bad. HOW you argue is where things can turn bad. Your method of argument is powerful in determining the outcome of your argument. By outcome I don’t mean who wins. I mean will you and the other individual walk away with a greater respect and trust for one another or will you emotionally and/or spiritually limp away? If we truly love those in our lives we must be committed to learn and put into practice methods of arguing that are productive.
First point that God brought to my mind earlier this week and that hind sight reminds me it’s a road I’ve walked...
Two points
1. Learn to motivate instead of manipulate
motivation is stemmed by logical discussion or heartfelt desire whereas manipulation is stemmed by the need to be right or get what you want
KEY: when you are arguing with someone do your words influence their emotions or their minds?
An argument that is conducted in a God honoring way will communicate mutual respect even in the midst of the debate. Are your words communicating that what your have to say is important to you and that you love the other individual enough that you want them to understand why you think or feel the way you do? Or are your words failing to communicate and simply resulting in an emotional outpouring on your part or drawing an emotional response from the person your talking to? Ask yourself:
Can the person you are arguing with truly discern the purpose behind what your saying or is the purpose of the argument lost in the emotion of the moment?
2. Lower your voice, I can’t hear you.
sounds strange
When we arguing and we get to the place where we are just yelling, we are not being heard...period.
Demonstrate
How do I do it differently?
1. Check your motives
2. Check your voice
3. Check your volume
4. Check your self
5. Check your temper
An argument conducted in a God honoring way, that has a purpose, is okay. In fact it’s good. We learn about each other and from each other when we argue in the right way because these discussions become more about a passionate exchange of who we are and what is important to us than a yelling match. And argument based on emotions, or winning, or releasing frustration/anger is highly destructive. It tears at the essence of what a healthy relationship is founded on and that is trust, respect, love.
If you have been arguing in this destructive fashion and you want to purpose to change that behavior, there are some things you have to do as soon as you have the opportunity.
1. Confess to the person that you argue destructively with. Help them to see that you recognize and take responsibility for your actions. (Don’t hold them to the same standards you are holding yourself to!)
2. Repent/Renounce - turn away from
Proverbs 28:13 (New International Version)
13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper,
but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
3. Make a game plan
4. Forgive yourself and the other individual
5. Confess your behavior to a trusted confidant
James 5:16 (New International Version)
16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
6. Pray
Prayer:
Lord, I believe that what you’ve revealed to us today, by your Word and by your Spirit, are principles that are to change our lives. Your Word tells us that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy but you come to bring abundant life. I ask you Lord today to reach out to each individual in this room who sees themselves reflected in this message. Show us where our arguments deviate from your character. Show us where our behavior reaps destruction in our lives and in the lives of those we love. Lord let your Spirit flow in this place. Let your forgiveness rest on us as we confess to you that we have sinned when we have used our words in hurtful ways or for personal gain. Thank you Lord that you are a forgiving God. Thank you Lord that we don’t have to learn on our own how to change our ways but that, if we invite you into this process, you will be with us every step of the way. Cause us to be sensitive to your Spirit, that when our motives or words get out of step, that we will feel the tug of your Spirit cautioning us stop before we sin. Thank you that living according to your principles brings us great satisfaction in our lives and in our relationships.
Amen
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