We want to finish the message on Using Your Weaknesses.
The fact is everybody has weaknesses – emotional, physical, intellectual, relational, financial. We all have weaknesses. What we usually do with our weaknesses is we deny them or we hide them or we pretend they don’t exist or we ignore them or we excuse them or we blame other people for them. God comes along and says, “I’ve got something totally different. I want to use your weaknesses.” We say, “No, God! You don’t want to use them. You want to take away my weaknesses !” God says, “My ways are not your ways. My ways are higher than your ways I’m smarter than you. I have a plan. I want to use your weaknesses.” You say, “But God, don’t You want to use my strengths? You gave me all these abilities and talents. Why don’t You use my strengths?” He says, “I will use your strengths, yes. But I also want to use your weaknesses.”
Remember what we defined weakness as. We’re not talking about something you can change. We’re not talking about a sin, a character defect, a fault – overeating, chocolate, being late. No, that’s stuff you can do something about. When we talked about God wanting to use your weaknesses, we’re talking about any limitation in your life that you either inherited or you cannot change. There’s some things in your life you go, “Why God? Why did I have this relationship? I didn’t choose my parents. I didn’t choose my body. I didn’t choose my natural makeup. I didn’t choose the fact that I may have a predisposition toward depression, or worry, or losing my temper. I didn’t choose a lot of things in my life, yet they do limit my life, they often cause pain in my life. I can’t change some of those things.” If you naturally have a bad back, you’re going to have a bad back all your life. God says, “I have a plan even for your weaknesses. Not just your strengths but even your weaknesses.”
1 Corinthians 1:27 “God purposely chose what the world considers nonsense in order to put wise men to shame and what the world considers weak in order to put powerful men to shame.”
Underline “purposely chose” and circle “weak”. God purposely chose the weaknesses in your life, not the sins, not the character faults, but those limitations in your life that you cannot change and you just inherited them. You’ve got them
and God says He wants to use them.
There are three steps God has to take us through in order to use our weakness.
1. First, I must admit my weakness. That’s pretty easy for most people. I don’t know anybody who maintains that they’re perfect. We all have shortcomings and faults and areas we’re weak in. So the first thing, we just say, “You’re right. I don’t have it all together. I’d like to pretend that I do. I’d like to think that I do. But I don’t.” So I stop pretending. I stop hoping that my weaknesses will just go away if I ignore them. I stop making excuses. I stop blaming other people for my weaknesses. I stop defending them. I stop denying them. I just admit: I have some weaknesses in my life – physical, spiritual … all these areas. That’s a pretty easy step. The second step is a little more difficult.
2. I must be grateful for my weaknesses. Why would anybody be grateful for their weaknesses? We talked about four reasons. Paul says “I’ve cheerfully made up my mind to be proud of my weaknesses because they mean a deeper experience of the power of Christ in my life. When I have weaknesses it …
1) guarantees God’s power, because I’m depending on Him.
2) prevents arrogance, because I know I can’t do it all on my own.
3) it causes me to value others. Nobody gets all the pieces of the puzzle in their box. You don’t have all the gifts. God wants us to value each other, so nobody gets it all. You’re lacking some things and I’m lacking some things so we need each other. I need you, you need me – we need each other. We’re supposed to have helpers and friends who compensate for our weaknesses.
4) It gives me a ministry. Your greatest ministry, the way you can make the biggest impact on earth is that God will take your greatest weakness and turn it into a ministry. And God will take your deepest hurt and turn it into your life message. The Bible says He takes us through problems and comforts us so we can turn around and help people with the same comfort we’ve been given. Who could better help somebody going through a divorce than somebody who went through the pain of a divorce? Who can better help somebody struggling with an addiction than somebody who was an addict and Jesus helped them through it? Who could better help a couple with the pain of not having children when they wanted them than a couple who wanted children but were unable to have them for one reason or another? The very thing you’re most ashamed of, that you’re most embarrassed about., the very thing you wished nobody knows about, that skeleton in your closet, the very thing that still hurts you and pains you, if you’ll let God work on it in your life and touch you and heal you, God will use to help other people. That’s called a ministry.
But none of this can take place unless you’re willing to take step three. That’s what we’re going to talk about. I have to recognize my weaknesses, be grateful for them and think how God can use them. But if you want God to use the weakness in your life.
3. YOU MUST BE WILLING TO SHARE.
I must openly share my weaknesses. I let down my guard. I take off the mask. I put aside my defenses and just admit it. It’s like that “great” theologian, Flip Wilson, used to say, “What you see is what you get”. You be open and honest with people. This is called being vulnerable.
Would you agree that if you’re open and honest about your weaknesses with everybody around you, then that is a risky thing to do? It is. Highly risky. You don’t know how they’re going to respond to it. “I’m afraid to let you know what I’m really like because if you don’t like it, I’m up a creek because I’m all I’ve got. So what I’ll do is wear a mask and pretend to be what I think you want me to be. Then I think you’ll like me. Because if I really let you know what I’m really like, with all my faults and hurts and weaknesses and you reject that, I’m dead in the water. Tough luck!” So we live with masks most of our lives. It’s scary, risky, to be honest – gut level honest about your weaknesses with people.
God says do it. Four reasons. James Cook had to learn this lesson the hard way. He was the captain who discovered Hawaii and the Fiji islands and a number of other South Pacific islands. On one of the islands he discovered, they treated him like a god, put him on a pedestal because they’d never seen anybody like him. When he left on board the ship and pulled out to sea, they ran into a storm. Captain Cook was afraid the boat would capsize. Out of fear, they turned around and came back to shore. When they did, the natives murdered Captain Cook and his crew. He’d fallen off their pedestal and they couldn’t handle it. He wasn’t a god. No god would be afraid of a storm. They realized he was a mere mortal. He had disappointed them so they killed him.
I doubt any of you are going to get killed for being open and honest about your fears, but it is a risky proposition. So why should I learn to live a lifestyle where I’m honest and open, up front, about the emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual weaknesses in my life? Four reasons:
1. It is emotionally healthy
Maintaining an image of perfection requires an enormous amount of energy. When you try to live a life that shows everybody “I’ve got it all together” when you know you don’t and everybody else does too but you keep up the pretense, that’s why you’re under such stress. When you walk around with a mask on all the time, it creates enormous pressure in your life – tension, anxiety – What if I let the mask drop? One of the reasons you’re so stressed out and you’re near burn out is that you’re trying to be something you’re not. You’re trying to pretend you’ve got it all together when you know you don’t. Everybody else knows it too but you’re trying to keep up the façade that you’ve attained perfection and you’ve got it under control and everything’s hunky-dory. On the other hand, if you drop the mask and let down your guard and be real, honest, there is nothing as liberating emotionally than just being real, being honest, and not trying to put on show. In fact, that’s the only healthy way to live.
James 5:16 “Confess your faults to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Circle “each other”.
You probably do a pretty good job of confessing your faults to God. But it says to confess them to each other. It says you confess them to each other so you can be healed. Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing. That’s the starting point. Some of those things that still hurt in your life, if you don’t get rid of, they’re never going to be gotten rid of until you share them with another person.
The very fact of sharing it with somebody else means the door is opening. The boogieman is not the boogieman anymore. They’re on the road to recovery. That’s the first step.
There are some things in your life that just won’t budge. Habits that you just can’t get rid of no matter how many messages you listen to, how many books you read, seminars you go to – there are some things in your life that you don’t like that just won’t change no matter how much you pray, “God, please take this out of my life!” It’s not going to, It’s not going to budge until first you be honest about it with some other human being. God wired us up that way. He wants us to help each other. We’re all stuck on this planet together. (starburst video)
Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.
It is emotionally healthy to let it go. As long as you’re not sharing with anybody saying you can handle it on your own, God says, “No, you can’t.”
If you’re looking for a place to do it, a good place is called FOCUS*. This place is a hang out for sinners. We’re all a bunch of guys and girls who have blown it in various areas. In fact, when we put up our sign, it ought to be “No perfect people need apply.” This is only for people who lie, cheat, steal, and have other kinds of faults. This is for human beings. This is not a place where people are perfect. This is a place for people who want to change. This is a place for people who want to grow. If you don’t want to grow, or you want to wear a mask and pretend like you’ve got it all together, you’re in the wrong church! This is the place where people are real and vulnerable. Why? It’s emotionally healthy.
2. It’s spiritually empowering.
The Bible says in the book of James, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Circle “grace” and “humble” Those two words go together.
What is grace? Grace is the fact that God gives you what you need not what you deserve. Aren’t you glad God doesn’t give you what you deserve? If we got what we deserve, none of us would be here right now. He gives us what we need. That’s called grace. Grace is the power to change. You need grace every single week. You’re going to need it this week. You’re going to need grace to handle the problems you’re going to face in the next seven days. You’re going to need grace to handle the people you face in the next seven days – the conflicts. You’re going to need grace to handle the pressures you’re going to face in the next seven days.
How do you get grace? God gives grace to the humble. How do I get grace? By humbling myself. How do I do that? By being honest about my weaknesses. That’s what humility is. Humility is not denying your strengths. Humility is being honest about your weaknesses. You are a whole bundle of strengths and weaknesses. You have some tremendous strengths in your life. There’s no doubt of that. You also have some tremendous weaknesses in your life. I’m sure of that to because it’s the same in my life. I’ve got some great strengths in my life and I have enormous weaknesses.
Many people have a false idea of what humility is. You think humility is putting yourself down all the time, “I’m no good! I’m a bum! Worthless. Nobody loves me, everybody hates me. I’m going to go eat maggots! I’m a piece of junk.” Jesus Christ did not die for junk. The cross shows you value. Jesus said, “Let me show you how much I value you.” This much and he stretched his arms out on the cross. He says we’re worth dying for. Jesus did not die for junk. And the very fact that Christ died for you shows how much you matter to God, how much He values you. Humility is simply being honest about your weaknesses. And the more honest we are, the more grace we get. The more grace we get, the more power we have to change.
3. It is relationally attractive.
People like you more when you do it. A whole lot more. The fastest way to endear yourself to other people is to quit trying to pretend like you’ve got it all together. And just admit your weaknesses. We love people who are honest, open, vulnerable, down to earth, real and admit it when they’ve blown it. We love those kinds of people. We love being around them.
On the other hand we despise people who are deceitful, hyper-critical and pretend like they’ve got it all together when they don’t and are arrogant and they’re jerks. We don’t’ like that. If you want people to be open to you, all you have to do is be open to them. Be honest.
Whenever you go out and share your strengths, that always creates competition. It’s bragging. But whenever I share weakness that creates community. Vulnerability is the key to fellowship. Would you like to be closer to your husband/wife? Would you like to have a more intimate relationship with your kids or best friends? Would like like to have a more solid relationships? The key is to be vulnerable.
What is it in your relationships that you’re pretending not to know? There’s a big problem in your home, your friendship, with that person you’re dating or engaged to. It’s like a big pink elephant sitting in your living room and you’re saying, “I don’t see any pink elephant.” What are you pretending not to know, that you know is wrong in that relationship? You’re not doing anything about it, you’re not talking about it, you’re not being honest.
We are emotionally distant until we break down the barriers and admit our weaknesses.
Have you ever done that? Have you ever shared your greatest fear with your spouse? I’m not talking about “I’m really afraid of spiders.”
Husbands, have you ever shared your deepest fears? “I’m afraid that I will not be able to provide for you, that I might loose my job and can’t find another one.”
If you want to be close to somebody there’s only one way to genuine intimacy. Remember?
Truth... Trust... Transperancy
There is no intimacy without vulnerability. That’s why some people can never have a relationship. They’ll never let anybody get close to them. So they’re lonely. God says, “I want you to learn to be an open, vulnerable person because it’s emotionally healthy, spiritually empowering, and it is relationally attractive.”
4. It’s a mark of leadership
If you want to be a leader, you’ll have to become vulnerable. Every one of us is called to be leader. Every one of you are leaders in different areas, different domains. Sometimes you’re a leader in your community, your neighborhood, you block, your family. You have to take a leadership role sometimes with children, sometimes with aged parents, sometimes at work or at school. There are some times you have to take the lead.
Leadership can be summed up in one word -- influence. Leadership is influence. It’s not position. It’s not title. It’s influence. If I were to take you to the grade school and at recess on the playground, within five minutes you could pick out which kids were the leaders. It’s real simple. They’re the ones who are influencing everybody else.
If you want to be an influential leader, if you want to say, “I don’t just want to waste my life. I want to make an impact. I want to leave the world a better place because I was here,” you’re going to have to be a leader. The way you become a leader is through credibility. Credibility is the one essential requirement for leadership. If you don’t have credibility, people won’t trust you. And if people don’t trust you, you certainly can’t influence them.
How do you get credibility? By being vulnerable, open. When you go to a bank and borrow some money do they immediately hand over the money to you? No. They do what’s called a credit check. They look and see are you credit worthy? Are you credible? Do you pay off your debts on time, with interest, without any late payments or penalties? Are you trustworthy? And if you are credit worthy, then they’ll loan you money.
Every moment of your life, people around you are doing credit checks on you. Your kids, before they do what you say, they’re going to say to themselves, “Does their life back up what they say? Are they worthy of trusting? Are they worthy of following?” Your friends, your neighbors, the people you work with, if you’re a salesman, your customers, “Are you credible?”
How do you be credible? Not by being perfect but by being honest. If you have to be perfect to be a leader, how many leaders are we going to have in the world? None. You don’t have to be perfect to be a leader but you do have to be honest about your weaknesses. When you’re honest about your weaknesses they say, “This person’s not trying to give me a snow job. Not trying to blow me away. He’s not wearing a mask. He’s the real article, the genuine item. I can trust what that person says so I will follow them. I will do what they say.” It’s integrity, humility – credibility – being vulnerable.
When you do that you can influence others.
We have to decide in life whether we’re going to impress people or influence people. You can’t do both. You can impress people from a distance, but you can only influence people up close. From a distance, you look pretty classy. You could be a celebrity from a distance but when you get up close to people they see your warts and liver spots and cellulite and other failings, faults, failures in your life. But you don’t have to be perfect to be a leader, you do have to be real. God says I want you to be that because He wants leaders in this world to impact the world for good, not for evil.
Why are we talking about this? Why have we spent two weeks on this?
Since Cathleen and I began ministry about 12yrs. ago, we’ve been trying to build a model of LAF (Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness) and vulnerability - it has culminated here @ FOCUS. We’ve always wanted this family to be a place where you don’t have to have it all together and people can be honest, open about their struggles. The tragic thing is in alot of churches, that’s the last place you want to share your weaknesses, to be honest. “If I let them know what’s going on in my marriage, with my kids, in my life or the addictions and secret sins in my life right now, they’re just going to judge me. They’re going to put me down. If I tell the church it will be gossip.” But if there is any place that ought to be able to help you when you hurt, it ought to be God’s family. For 12yrs., we’ve tried to model this, be open and honest about our own faults and weaknesses. And the other staff and other people.
Let me give you five things to share. What do I share? These are all out of the examples of the Apostle Paul. Paul was honest in all five areas.
1. My failures.
2. My feelings. Some of you men have never done that with your wife.
3. My faults.
4. My frustrations.
5. My fears.
You could take a survey of the Bible to see you that God
always uses weak people. His gift is turning weakness into strength.
Moses – Moses’ greatest weakness was his anger. He got angry one day and killed an Egyptian so he got kicked out of Egypt. He got angry one day and struck a rock that God told him to speak to and that kept him out of the Promised Land. He got angry and threw the Ten Commandments down and broke them. He had to go back and get them again. Anger was Moses’ greatest weakness. And yet, in the Bible, there were only two people called meek. “Meek” means “anger under control” – Jesus and Moses. God took his greatest weakness and turned it into his greatest strength. He was a patient man. He put up with a million babies for forty years in the wilderness.
David is called “a man after God’s own heart.” You’d think Mr. Purity. David stole a man’s wife, committed adultery with her and then had the man killed. I don’t call that purity. Yet David’s greatest area of failure, God turned it around and built strength in his life. He became a man so pure that calls call him a man after His own heart.
Abraham, in the Bible, is called the Father of faith. He’s a spiritual giant. He has enormous faith. Yet when you study Abraham’s life, his greatest weakness was his lack of faith. He was a doubter, always worrying. One time the enemy came and he said to his wife, “Tell them you’re my sister so they won’t kill me to take you.” I’m sure his wife was thinking, “There’s a man of faith!! He’d save his neck by giving his wife away.” God took the man’s greatest weakness and turned it into a strength.
Peter. Jesus came to Peter and said, “You are a rock. You’re going to be called Rock from now on. You’re stable.” Peter was anything but stable. He was Mr. Impulsive. Mr. Foot-in-Mouth. Mr. Do-Something-Impulsively-And-Later-Regret-It. “I’ll never deny You!” then three minutes later he’s denying Him three times! When they came to arrest Jesus, Peter pulls out his sword and knocks off a guy’s ear – that’s before Tyson! Jesus said, “Don’t do that!” and sticks it back on. Peter was Mr. Impulsive. Yet his greatest weakness is turned into a strength.
All of God’s giants have been weak men and weak women.
My favorite of these is Jacob. Jacob was a deceiver. Jacob was a manipulator. Jacob was a schemer. All his life, he spent scheming to get his way. He made one mess after another and then he’d run from it. He ran his entire life because of all the messes. He’d create a mess and run. Create a mess and run. Out of one relationship into another. One night he had a dream. He had a vision that he was wrestling with God. He said, "I’m not going to let go until you bless me, God.” And God said, “Ok, I’ll bless your life.” Then it says He grabs his thigh and pulls his hip out of socket. He touched him. Your thigh muscle is the strongest muscle in your body. God touched him at his greatest point of strength. The Bible says from that point on, Jacob’s life was blessed, but he walked with a limp the rest of his life. Touched at his greatest point of strength and turned into a weakness. Why? Two reason:
1) God wanted him to have a constant reminder: You’ve got to depend on Me from now on. (thorn)
2) Jacob could no longer run away from his problems. That old habit of creating a problem and running from it, he couldn’t do any more because he had a limp.
Jacob’s name was changed to Israel. And the entire nation was named after that guy. It was changed from “Jacob” which means “schemer, deceiver, manipulator” to Israel which means “Prince of God” and the nation of Israel was named after that man.
God wants to take the greatest weakness in your life and turn it into a strength. But if He does, if God blesses your life in a great way, you will walk with a limp the rest of your life. There will be a thorn, a reminder that God’s in charge.
The greatest example of God turning weakness into strength is what Jesus did on the cross and that’s what we remember at communion. “Although He died on the cross in weakness, Jesus now lives in the mighty power of God. We, too, are weak, but we live in Him and have God’s mighty power.”
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