It seems we live in an angry society. In the U.S. Every 14 sec. There is a violent crime, every 24sec. there's another murder. All over our country divorce courts are full of people who are angry. People – professionals lose their jobs b/c of outbursts of anger. We try to hide this 'Phantom Menace' in the shadows of our lives – we deny that anger exists, some even claim, “it's just my personality, it's just the way I am, get used to it baby!” Sometimes anger can just smolder, boil under the surface. Other times it explodes like a geyser.
BALLOON ILLUS.
Blow up – don't tie – don't pop it - “Here's how we are with anger” - turn to the person next to you and let a little air out in their face.
Anger is like that in some of us – we let a little out at a time – throughout the day little by little we spit & spew on people. Little stuff builds up & we take it out here or there. It comes across as negativity, glass is half empty, in a sarcastic & complaining way.
Blow balloon back up – now release it! Some anger can get out of control & instead of bouncing off the ceiling & walls – were bouncing off of people & our relationships – especially those close to us & people get hurt! (Blow up own balloon) Sometimes we just get so full or so addicted to our release of anger that – pop balloon – we just pop! We just explode – have you ever been around people like that?
Do you like being around people like that? You kinda expect it, yet you never know when it's coming
How is your irritation quotient – 'Everybody's normal till you get to know them' by John Ortberg – pg. 128
How did you do in your irritation quotient test?
Throughout our day, there are multiple opportunitiesto get angry b/c, well people are idiots aren't they?
Under the surface we steam, we are boiling at different degrees.
Do you know what's going on? We've been denied our sense of satisfaction.
A definition for frustration is: when reality and expectations collide – Our frustration creates anger. We are dissatisfied.
We'd be satisfied if the dummy on the road knew what he was doing, or we'd be satisfied if our boss saw how good we really are, or we'd be satisfied if our spouse would cooperate w/ our agenda.
We get angry.
I. When do we get angry?
When our sense of satisfaction is denied.
There's a great example of this in Genesis 29-31
Jacob sees this lady at the well (“lovely in form and beautiful ” = HOTTIE) –
tell story
“Now it was Jacob's turn to get angry. He lit into Laban: "So what's my crime, what wrong have I done you that you badger me like this? You've ransacked the place. Have you turned up a single thing that's yours? Let's see it--display the evidence. Our two families can be the jury and decide between us. "In the twenty years I've worked for you, ewes and she-goats never miscarried. I never feasted on the rams from your flock. I never brought you a torn carcass killed by wild animals but that I paid for it out of my own pocket--actually, you made me pay whether it was my fault or not. I was out in all kinds of weather, from torrid heat to freezing cold, putting in many a sleepless night. For twenty years I've done this: I slaved away fourteen years for your two daughters and another six years for your flock and you changed my wages ten times.” Genesis 31:36-41
It's not fair
Luke 15 – tell story
"The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. The son said, "Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast! Luke 15:28-30
The older brother calls, "foul – not fair"
II. Anger becomes good or bad w/ our motive
Anger stands against something – it's always up against something or someone – it's demeanor or purpose, it's directive is against something, we all experience it. The ? is, “what will we do with it?” What's our motive?”
Our anger can be destructive & selfish
When selfishness directs my anger it can be destructive.
Genesis 4 – Cain and Abel – tell story
These 2 were to offer sacrifices to God, Abel did, Cain blew it. Cain's offering was rejected by God & he's angry.
"...The LORD accepted Abel and his offering, but he did not accept Cain and his offering. This made Cain very angry and dejected."Why are you so angry?" the LORD asked him..." Genesis 4:4-6
Sometimes b/c our desire for satisfaction has been denied we think God's not playing fair – sometimes we shake our fist at Him in a fury, sometimes we quietly hold back and say, “I'm gonna live life my way, I'm gonna make things work for me, not relying on anyone else, not even God, I'll take matters into my hands.”
This is what Cain did – it was selfish and destructive:
"Later Cain suggested to his brother, Abel, "Let's go out into the fields." And while they were there, Cain attacked and killed his brother." Genesis 4:8
While we may not kill physically, we'll kill a relationship, we'll sever a friendship, we'll destroy our own integrity, our character.
This anger is selfish, self focused, and then it's destructive – look at James 4:2
“You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous for what others have, and you can't possess it, so you fight and quarrel to take it away from them.”
We mishandle anger when...
...practice self – protectionism
I'm not talking about an event when someone is bringing you bodily harm but the reality is pain enters our lives everyday – emotinal pain is a part
of our everyday lives. We use anger to avoid going to that place, protecting ourselves from going to that level – you see there is always a deeper emotion behind anger, underneath the surface emotion of anger –
is the emotion of sadness.
We don't like that feeling, we don't like talking about it, we don't like to subject ourselves to the risk of looking weak, so it's easier to be angry. We protect ourselves from that feeling
...we shift the focus
When we get close enough to someone that an event or someone exposes my selfishness, or exposes my insensitivity, or exposes my wrong then I want to shift the focus or you could call it 'becoming defensive'. Our immediate response too often is:
“Yeah, but you're the one who... it wasnt my fault it was...” we shift the focus away from ourselves.
Anger can be productive and loving
Anger motivated by love can be very productive. Many examples of this in Jesus' life. In fact the Bible is full of occasions when God is angry. I highlighted one story for you: Mark 3
"Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus' enemies watched him closely. Would he heal the man's hand on the Sabbath? If he did, they planned to condemn him. Jesus said to the man, "Come and stand in front of everyone." Then he turned to his critics and asked, "Is it legal to do good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing harm? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?" But they wouldn't answer him. He looked around at them angrily, because he was deeply disturbed by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, "Reach out your hand." The man reached out his hand, and it became normal again! At once the Pharisees went away and met with the supporters of Herod to discuss plans for killing Jesus." Mark 3:1-6
The one thing that moves the loving heart of God to act in anger, to be motivated by anger is when the law of love is broken. The story of God throughout the Bible is a story of God's love for us, and His invitation to love Him & His call for us to love each other.
When that solitary law is broken – the heart of God is broken & there's an emotion of anger. Jesus' heart was deeply disturbed b/c the law of love was broken. And these guys said there was no law above our Jewish code, including the law of love & Jesus was angry.
There's a right kind of anger, a righteous anger that can be motivated by love. An abused woman, an abused child.
Unfortunately we more often chose the selfish anger, the anger motivated by our selfishness rather than that motivated by love – a love and care for others.
"In your anger do not sin" Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26-27
Paul says, “you're gonna get angry, that's gonna happen, but don't sin in your anger. Don't let anger control you”
In another letter to the Galatians the apostle Paul talked about the fruit, the product, the result of God's work in us when we focus our attention on God, quieting ourselves in Him. One of those fruits is self-control. And in Paul's teaching it does not describe a place that we get to where we'll never experience or feel anger again, but rather we'll practice and develop self-control so that when we feel the emotion – we'll stop & ask some ?'s that will help us understand the motive.
God's way to deal...
“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.”
Psalm 37:7-8
STOP - we have to learn to stop, slow down before God... then
Be Quiet - I know it's easier said than done, but it matters to be quiet before the Lord, it is there that we can turn the fire off, its there that are demeanor can begin to change as we find perspective.
Consider - to consider, “this is really happening, I'm angry” it is here where we can ask some ?'s, “what's the purpose of my anger? What's the motivation behind this? Does my anger help anyone?” to consider what resentment lies beneath all this? To consider how it is I might practice love and that my anger can be productive?
This comes from self-control – time w/God
(More on this next week)
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